Never My Love
by kurosora1984
Summary: Axel was going to be the best teacher ever. The kids would like him and have fun in his class but also learn a lot, and life would be good. He was NOT going to fall for a student. (AkuRoku, NO underage or illegal stuff)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Yeah. YEAH. AkuRoku's back. :D

Countdown to Kingdom Hearts 3 starts now, my dolls. Also this is your opportunity to unsubscribe if you're not into this anymore and forgot you were following me. But if you are still reading, love and kisses and enjoy!

Oh PS this starts out AkuDemy, but rest assured it's really AkuRoku, promise. :3

* * *

It was the first day of student teaching. Axel was nervous and uncomfortable in brand-new professional clothing, and he wasn't sure what to do with himself—the real teacher was too focused on getting the year started off right to give very detailed instructions to his student teacher. As each bell rang, the class rosters filled with endless names brought streams of little bright-eyed cherubs and devils. _Which are which?_ Oh, he'd know soon enough. The recently-turned-twenty-one-year-old did the only job he'd been given, for now—he stapled syllabuses quickly, struggled to put names with faces, smiled confidently as he introduced himself to each class when the cooperating teacher told him to, and wondered why the hell he'd ever picked this profession.

"Hello class. I'm Mr. Michaels. I'll be your student teacher for this semester. Welcome to the seventh grade…" By fourth period, he was already getting tired of his own speech. Not to mention overwhelmed. A hundred and fifty-seven students—the prospect was intimidating, but somehow not quite _real_ until you were halfway through a hundred and fifty-seven faces, and they were already all blending together, you couldn't tell one from another, and you had _sixty-eight more faces_ to see yet.

That was when he saw him. Twelve years old, natural golden-blond hair, enormous blue eyes, so innocent and happy and perfect—Roxas Martin. Axel learned that name by heart in an instant, and never once forgot it.

He was the cutest little seventh grader Axel had ever seen.

That evening, the college senior collapsed on the ratty old couch in his cheap apartment, utterly drained from a nerve-wracking day and in mental shut-down from the amount of work he was going to have to do as a student teacher. He only opened his eyes when a heavy weight plopped down beside him and thin fingers began running through his hair.

"So…how was the first day of school?" Demyx's voice was gentle and smiling. Axel just groaned in response, reaching for his boyfriend and wrapping needy arms around his waist. Chuckling, Demyx allowed himself to be pulled down onto Axel's chest. "Need a little…re-energizing?" The sandy-blond softly asked, pressing slightly moist lips to Axel's jaw line.

Sighing heavily, Axel groaned again. "I wish…but I really shouldn't, babe. I have to be up _so early_...ugh, it's _hell_."

Demyx made a small, sympathetic sound. "Oh, those six a.m. mornings. Better get used to them; you'll be living like this for the next forty years, after all."

"I'm so glad you're here," Axel all but growled, sarcastically. "You're such a comfort to me in my suffering. You're my fucking angel, Demyx, I swear."

A lopsided grin and a one-shouldered shrug accompanied the answer. "Not fucking at the moment though." Axel snorted. Demyx changed the subject. "So, what are the _good_ parts so far?" He poked once at Axel's chest. "You know everything will seem better if you focus on the good things."

Rolling his eyes back in thought, Axel hummed. "Well, my co-op is nice guy, although kinda disorganized…and I'm worried he's gonna just take a semester-long siesta on me while I bust my ass doing _his_ job without getting paid like _he_ still will…"

Demyx cut in, tutting, " _Good_ things, sweetheart, _good_ things. You're complaining."

Axel sighed again. "Right…well, the material in their curriculum is no sweat, and I even have that unit I planned for class last year on geology that my co-op says I can use for that section of the semester…you know, when we do earth science." Demyx hummed and nodded encouragingly. "And," Axel continued, the slightest smile beginning to twitch his lips upward, "the kids are cute. I mean…there's so many of them I don't know if I'll ever learn their names, but they seem like pretty good students on the whole, and some of them are just so _adorable_."

Demyx tugged teasingly at a strand of red hair. "I thought you didn't think kids were cute. Thought you were pissed you had to student teach at a middle school? 'Brats,' isn't that what you called them?"

Axel rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, maybe I'll make an exception or two. Especially this one kid…Dem, if he didn't have a perfectly nice family already, I'd be trying to adopt him. Screw that, I might try anyway. I wanna _keep_ him." A silly grin had spread all over Axel's face, much to his boyfriend's amusement.

"Huh…didn't think we'd have to have this discussion, but…Axel." Demyx's serious expression was already half cracked with humor. "I'm not ready to have children with you."

Both students burst into laughter at this, and when they had finally calmed down somewhat and green eyes met watery aqua-blue with a smile, they both decided to forgo further discussion. Instead, Demyx shifted toward Axel's face, which was lifting to meet him, and they kissed softly, lips moving gently, still smiling a little.

And then the smiles faded, and the breathing got heavier, and wet tongues collided, and hands started moving. But they kept the touches above the belt, allowing them to make out heatedly for a few minutes and then reluctantly stop because Axel had dinner to eat and materials to prepare for tomorrow and rosters to memorize as best he could, trying and trying to learn names.

He had a hundred and fifty- _six_ to go.

~o~

Two weeks later, Mr. Axel Michaels was the man in charge of every session of seventh grade science, his co-op having disappeared as feared, and the students began coming to _him_ with questions.

"Mr. Michaels, what are we doing today?"

"Mr. Michaels, I wasn't here yesterday. What did I miss? Did we have homework?"

"Mr. Michaels, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, what are we gonna be doing in class?"

"Hey Mr. Michaels, I don't _get_ this!"

Axel almost started hating his own last name.

And then one day Roxas came to see him during study hall.

"Mr. Michaels, I couldn't figure out number five in the homework. Can you show me?"

Smiling and melting like a popsicle in an oven, Axel sat the boy down and began to carefully instruct him, bending over his school desk and pointing at sections of text. And since he knew the subject so well—had to, after all, he wrote the lessons on it—his eyes found lots of time to stray sideways, glancing at the adorable child who frowned in concentration. Roxas was the cutest thing that ever lived.

~o~

After the first month, Demyx had a comment to make.

"Christ Axel, the way you talk about this Roxas kid every day makes me wonder if you really have more than a hundred students. You sure you're not tutoring just one kid?"

Green eyes only rolled. "I don't talk about Roxas _that_ much."

Demyx raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah? Maybe you don't realize it, but I swear to God, Axel, if I didn't have firsthand information to the contrary, I'd think you were a pervert who went in for twelve-year-olds."

 _That_ got Axel's attention. He didn't really talk about Roxas that much…did he? And he _certainly_ didn't look at him like _that._ Oh, no way in hell. That was a line Axel was never, ever going to cross.

Sure, there were teachers who did. It showed up in the news from time to time, and Axel had always thought it was sick. When they had studied the ethics of education in one of his classes, the professor had taken plenty of time to thoroughly regale the young, would-be teachers with the evils of this particular error. What was more, everyone made a very big deal about how surprisingly easy it was to slip into this mistake without realizing it.

 _Yeah, maybe for some people. But not me…I just can't even imagine looking at a kid that way._

That had been Axel's feeling. That was his feeling even now, and it shocked him to the core to realize that maybe he was paying a bit more attention to this boy than he should…maybe he was playing with that line.

It took him a week to decide that he wasn't—a mentally stressful hell that lasted seven long, self-scrutinizing days. After that, he felt more confident. He had decided that he didn't look at Roxas like _that_. He didn't… _want_ him. He only noticed the boy's potential, his sweet personality. He only thought that someday, when Roxas was all grown up, he was going to be a fine young man. And…the girl he married one day would be lucky. Very, very lucky.

But that was different from wanting the boy for himself. It wasn't like that.

And anyway, he had Demyx. And he was happy with Demyx—crazy about him, even. Demyx was…his sunshine. He had this way of making things okay. And even though it was a secret—they were only roommates, and publicly that was all they'd ever be, for the sake of Axel's career—somehow it didn't bother him to hide his sexuality. He credited Demyx with that.

If Roxas was maybe a little bit of a ray of sunshine too, it was a different kind of light. It was more of a "My job is going okay," feeling than "My life is going okay."

 _Yeah. That's it._

~o~

Axel handed the class back over to its _paid_ teacher a few days before his last day, then spent his final days at the school grading science fair projects and finalizing the semester's grades. There was about a month left of middle school before summer vacation, during which his co-op would finally earn his paycheck a little, and Axel would desperately work as a day-to-day substitute as much as possible, putting his brand-new teacher's license to good use. Funds were tight after earning nothing for student teaching all year.

It was Friday, his last day, and Axel had finished up almost everything except giving grades back in all the classes. Demyx had promised a special celebration that night, but he wouldn't tell Axel what. He had his suspicions though.

Before that, however, it was time to bid one hundred and fifty-nine faces goodbye—two had moved into the district during the year. He knew every single one, and none of them looked the same anymore. Some had made him want to smash things, and some had made him feel like a failure, and some had made him smile or laugh, and some had made him feel like he was born to do this job, and one was his absolute favorite.

But Axel didn't have favorites. No way. He was a fair teacher. His co-op even said so.

No, he didn't have favorites…but Roxas was still his favorite.

Each class had made him a thank you card, signed by all of them, sweetly thanking him for being "the best student teacher ever." Axel was _not_ going to cry. He smiled and wished them all well.

And he read the cards on the way out. And Roxas had written that Mr. Michaels was the best teacher he'd ever had.

Axel got some dust in his eyes on the way home or something. _Yeah. Dust. That's what this is._

~o~

Axel's mom, dad, and little sister Kairi couldn't stop taking pictures at graduation, and Demyx was in most of them—Axel's best friend, after all. Demyx's mom, big sister Larxene, and little sister Naminé took pictures too, and Axel was in most of them—Demyx's best friend, after all. The whole group of their many mutual friends hung out after the ceremony, taking pictures together with flowers and balloons declaring "Class of 1996!" and "Congrats!" and introducing family members and saying farewells.

Most of their friends lived in the dorms and had to get moved out, so they left first, while Axel and Demyx could hang around the longest. They weren't moving right away. They were keeping their current apartment at least for the summer. Axel was going to be a substitute teacher for the last month and a half of public school, mostly in the district where he had student-taught. Demyx was going to be practicing with his band. Then they'd both be working summer jobs to pay the bills, and hopefully Demyx's gigs at the local clubs would turn into a performing career and Axel would get a full-time teaching position by fall.

First, however, there were hugs and kisses and well-wishes and goodbyes to their friends and then goodbyes to their families, and endless, endless smiles for pictures.

By the time Axel and Demyx had seen their families off and were finally alone in their apartment again, they had no energy left for anything except collapsing on their couch.

"Dem…I need a beer."

"So get me one while you're up."

A pause. "I can't move."

"Ungh." Demyx could only agree.

A few minutes passed. "It's too fucking hot," Axel groaned.

"It's the regalia," Demyx agreed. There was a pause, then both young men began to strip off the flowing black nylon robes, tossing them aside and turning their attention to dress shirts and slacks and belts and shoes and ties. Demyx cranked the fan up and Axel grabbed two beers, and somewhere in the process…warm aqua eyes slid sideways to Axel in his white beater, then slid down and up again.

Taking a long swallow from his beer, Axel noticed. Smirking and setting down the half-empty bottle, he sidled up to the shorter blond with a little wink.

Voice low and standing close, Axel grinned down at his boyfriend. "Let me help you with that," he murmured, proceeding to slowly push Demyx's button-down shirt from his shoulders—not a task the young man needed any help with.

Demyx smiled slyly, his delicate fingers slipping under the skin-tight beater Axel wore. "You too. Arms up." Axel obeyed with a broad grin, allowing Demyx to strip his upper body. Then, as thin arms wound around his slightly-sweaty torso, Axel pounced.

Demyx tasted like beer, but Axel did too so he hardly noticed. What he _did_ notice was the way the blond hummed softly and moved his tongue against Axel's.

When they parted, open mouths still _so close_ , Demyx panted, "It's way too hot to be doing anything sexy."

"Yeah," Axel breathed in agreement, slipping his hands down Demyx's body and into his pants, stripping them away and leaving Demyx in his boxers.

Pretty soon, it was too late to argue. Demyx was stroking them both together and groaning as Axel mouthed the familiar sensitive spots on his neck and groped his ass.

"Ax… _ah!_ How about…shower sex? At least?"

"Yeah okay," Axel breathed huskily. They stumbled to the bathroom, into the shower, and turned the water on temperate—not hot, not cold. Axel went down on his knees. Demyx's voice echoed off the tile walls, and the water ran in rivulets down their skin, making them both glisten.

When Demyx's legs were too weak to hold him up anymore, he slid down too, kneeling with Axel behind him. Before Axel pressed forward, he leaned over his boyfriend to whisper in his ear.

"Congratulations, bachelor of arts." His tongue traced the shell of Demyx's ear.

"Congratulations, bachelor of sciences." Demyx gasped, reaching behind himself to clasp Axel's hand tightly as the redhead pushed in, entering him slowly, carefully. It had been a while, after all. They'd both been busy.

And Axel was pretty damn sure that he had never been happier, and everything was perfect, and as long as he had Demyx, everything always would be.

~o~

 **More A/N:**

This is actually one of the first fics I started writing, omg, like ten years ago. It sat on a shelf a lot, and it got a complete rewrite _three times_ because so much time had passed that my writing style had significantly changed. But I always wanted to try a story that deals with the age difference (which I usually just ignored in my other fics) and I also wanted to go into a taboo relationship (in a not-PWP way) so this is the result! There will be **no pedophilia** in this story. However, there will be characters struggling with situations that could be interpreted that way (see above, we've already started) but no horribleness.

Really, this story ended up being a very realistic study of the sometimes-miserable process of growing up and how life changes us in ways we wouldn't have thought possible.

Weekly updates until KH3, assuming that KH3 doesn't move their release date AGAIN. :P


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**

Ugh, you guys, this chapter is miserable and sucks so bad, I'm sorry. Life gets real rough real quick. Also, it's the late 90s, in case you missed the hint in the last chapter. Just saying. (I can't picture Roxas with a bowl cut though...) This is also...well, not a _rural_ area, but it's a smaller town. Not a big city.

Next chapter things will start to get better again. :)

* * *

A new school year started, but without any offers of a full-time teaching position. Instead, Axel was welcomed back as a sub. Student teaching plus a month of subbing plus a good recommendation from his cooperating teacher plus Axel's general good disposition equaled…well, not a _job,_ but quite a few teachers' and administrators' good opinions. Which was nice. It meant that he was at the top of the sub list and got called in virtually every day. It did _not_ mean he got paid more than any other sub.

Demyx was still bussing tables, as he had done all summer—his performing schedule wasn't really packed yet. They were paying rent and covering the bills, but both young men had student loans coming out of grace period in a few more months, and neither was sure how he was going to afford those payments.

Then their washing machine broke.

Axel took an after-school job at a nearby department store. Demyx walked to work when the weather was even slightly tolerable, just to save on gas. He also brought home leftovers from the restaurant whenever possible—free meals were more than welcome. Money was tight. Life was tough, and it was slowly getting tougher.

On the other hand, Axel knew a hundred and fifty-nine of the eighth graders by name, which wasn't everyone in a school of 900 or so, but it was a damn sight more than he would have known in any other school, and it helped. And, of course, there was Roxas.

On days when Axel saw Roxas in the halls—"Hi, Mr. Michaels!"—or, even better, subbed for one of his teachers—"Yes! We get Mr. Michaels today!"—no amount of congested traffic on the way home could completely dampen his happy smile. That boy was just too cute; he made Axel's day without even trying.

Axel _loved_ working at the middle school.

Luckily, he finally got a long-term subbing job when a teacher went on maternity leave, which _did_ mean a small pay raise. Unluckily, it was at the high school, and his classes were…challenging. It was, "Let's see how far we can push Mr. Michaels today"— _every_ day. For six weeks, he couldn't go back to the middle school. In the evenings, he would talk out his frustrations while Demyx listened and plucked at his guitar. On the weekends—if he didn't have too much grading and Demyx didn't have a gig—he and Demyx would release their frustrations and tensions in bed. Weekends were the only time they had for that, and even then it wasn't every weekend.

Making love with his boyfriend was about the only good thing in Axel's life for a while, but he told himself that if he was going to have only one bright spot—and didn't lots of people live like that from time to time?—it might as well be sex. Especially good, safe sex with his mutual lover.

 _Right?_

Life wasn't so bad…right?

~o~

"Mr. Michaels! You're back! I haven't seen you in _forever!_ Where did you go?"

The beautiful, beaming face of the short—or perhaps a tiny bit taller than before—blond kid came out of nowhere in the hallways the first day of Axel's return to the middle school—the teacher was back, baby born and healthy, and Axel was free to take a pay cut and go back to day-to-day subbing.

"Hey there, Roxas! I was teaching at the high school…" He had the strongest urge to ruffle the kid's hair, but managed to restrain his itching hand.

"I _missed_ you, Mr. Michaels! We had to have Mrs. _Bates_ for a sub! She's so mean and she couldn't help me with the parts of the cell at all, she doesn't know _anything…_ "

Axel let Roxas ramble for as long as he possibly could without being late to class. The kid was just too cute for words. It was _so_ good to be back at the middle school. His days finally brought him something to smile about again.

Then again, it was hard to make ends meet. Demyx was still bussing tables and playing on occasion, but his band wasn't getting along well. Axel was still working after school as well as subbing, and it was beginning to wear him out. When he talked to Demyx about school, sometimes it took a long time before his boyfriend answered. Demyx would just go on strumming his guitar, then finally, he'd hum in agreement. Eventually, he sort of stopped humming, even.

Which was fine. It was okay. The important thing was Demyx was _there_ , and he probably _was_ still listening, and he had to work on his music, right? And Axel liked the guitar. He really did. _I used to, anyway…_ It was just that sometimes he was so tired, and all he really wanted was the comfort of a warm human touch, but they were both too busy and exhausted to make love very often…or more than once every few weeks, really. So honestly, Axel would have been happy with just a little eye contact, maybe some hand-holding… _But Demyx needs his hands to practice guitar with, remember?_ Or some cuddling would work, _Is that really too much to ask for?_

Damn it, Axel wanted to hold his boyfriend and look in his pretty eyes the way he always used to and have Demyx look back and smile at him the way he did before. He wanted to hug him and admit "I'm just tired," and hear Demyx answer, in that soft voice he used to have, "I know, Ax. It'll be okay."

Instead, he got a disaster.

He and Demyx were unexpectedly outed to their families.

A sort-of-friend of Kairi's found out from who-knew-where and let the truth slip in front of Axel's parents before Kairi could stop her. Axel's parents did _not_ take the news well. They called Demyx's mother and angry words were exchanged…in short, both Axel and Demyx were ordered by their families to split up. Demyx's mother was a little less furious, but she still didn't approve. When they refused to end things, the small amount of financial help they'd both been humbling themselves to ask for lately…stopped.

They were starting to fall behind on bills…starting to push the limits on their credit cards. But, for a little while, they were closer again. Axel had chosen Demyx, and now Demyx was the only family he had. They touched more, talked more…they were more focused on and appreciative of each other.

But for some reason, the busy months slipped by, and before Axel knew it, Demyx was practicing his guitar and barely listening again.

One Friday, Axel subbed for one of Roxas' teachers. His day consisted of showing a history movie six times over, but Roxas was thrilled to see him and asked to move seats and sit by the teacher's desk—by Axel—for the entire class. Axel let him, and smiled over the gesture repeatedly for the rest of the day.

Then he got home, and for once Demyx was around when he would normally have been working, and they hadn't done anything sexual in almost a month…so it was inevitable, really. They jumped each other. They both needed it too badly to worry about technique or finesse. When it was over, Demyx went to practice a new song while Axel just lay in bed, exhausted…wondering why he didn't feel happy. That was when he realized that some random student at a school where he didn't even have a job made him happier than sleeping with his lover did.

That was when he realized the _one bright spot_ in his life wasn't sex or Demyx anymore, and it broke his heart.

~o~

He didn't say anything, and spring came and more or less went by without either of them noticing much. When summer was getting close, Demyx brought home a friend he introduced as Zexion, the owner of one of the venues his band played at often. Axel wasn't sure why he didn't like the guy much…maybe he was too quiet. He hardly said a word, most of the time. Axel didn't really bother about it though, because he was busily applying for jobs again, desperate to get something permanent next year. He didn't know how he was going to make it through summer, let alone another year without a full-time salary. He also got busy with a semi-long-term job that popped up _at the middle school this time_ when a teacher was hospitalized unexpectedly and out for two weeks.

It was _eighth grade science_. It was _Roxas'_ teacher.

Teaching was suddenly _fun_ again. It wasn't just Roxas, either, although that kid was a dream student in class. He was so pumped about having Mr. Michaels for a sub that his entire class got excited. That class was by far the best. Overall, though, everything was just better than the high school group. And the pay increased again—as it always did for subs who actually needed to plan lessons and _teach_ rather than just fill in—and even though Axel was wiped out at the end of the day, he got a chance to pay a few bills before summer.

Zexion was over more and more often, but Axel went to bed early and didn't bother them. Zexion mostly seemed to just sit on the couch with Demyx and read while the musician plucked the guitar strings, so Axel found him easier and easier to ignore.

~o~

That summer was hot—hotter than ever. By mid-July, it had been a _long time_ since that cheerful goodbye in June—"I'll see you next year in high school sometimes, right, Mr. Michaels?"—and the apartment—once such a welcome move _up_ from the dorms in college—was stuffy and stinking and miserable. Axel couldn't believe he was still living in this off-campus dump, working long hours for little pay at the department store. Demyx was much quieter than he used to be. Axel tried to get him to talk about what was upsetting him, but Demyx didn't want to.

Axel tried. He really did. He knew, somehow, that he _had_ _to_ —that he was running out of chances. But he only found out what was going on when Demyx came home with the news—his band was splitting up.

For some reason, Axel didn't know how to comfort his lover. He just…asked a few questions. Gave Demyx an awkward hug. Offered some fumbling suggestions, asked about what Demyx thought he'd do now. Nodded at the idea of, "Keep playing solo until I find a new group." Demyx tried to act like the gestures made him feel better, but the unhappy shadow didn't leave his pretty eyes. Axel thought about it and thought about it after that. Finally, he realized that once upon a time, he probably would have held Demyx, Demyx might have cried, and then they'd have made love—softly, he'd have done it really gently and sweetly…comforting—and Demyx would have lost the tension in his shoulders and the shadow in his eyes by the end of it.

But that was _once upon a time_ , and it just…wouldn't work now.

Two weeks later, he wasn't that surprised, really, when Demyx came home from a gig and sat on the couch and said, "Hey…Axel? I'm thinking we should…break up."

No, he wasn't that surprised…but he cried all night.

Demyx left—his sunshine, his smile, his once-upon-a-time _one bright spot_ walked out and moved in with that friend of his, Zexion, "for now." Axel called off work for one day and lay around, drunk off his ass, miserable, sweating, alone. He wanted to stay that way for a month…or at least a week. But the next day he had to get up, puke, take a shower and an aspirin, and go to work, and he had to keep on going to work.

He had an apartment to himself now—he had to cover rent alone.

He had bills to pay and more debt than he could even think about and he was tired, _tired, so tired_. And now he was alone, there were _no_ bright spots anywhere, and his family still wouldn't speak to him. He tried, though. He called them. He broke down and called to ask for money, he told them he wasn't with Demyx anymore, but then they asked if he was going to "go straight" now…and he couldn't lie. His father hung up on him. So instead, Axel worked until he thought he might just die. He did nothing else—just work, eat, and sleep.

And then he got a phone call.

He'd interviewed for at least thirty jobs, and in the end it was his home district that called and offered him eleventh grade chemistry for the coming year.

The rest of the summer was crammed with preparation for his first real, full-time job. He applied for a bank loan to pay off his high-interest credit card debt and the bills he was behind on, and he begged and pleaded and pointed to the salary he was about to be making, and the bank relented and gave him the loan. He used part of the money to buy new suits. His professional wardrobe was getting extremely threadbare.

Then Axel called Demyx. Just to…let him know. And to ask how he was doing. It had been about three weeks since they'd…you know. Demyx was…okay, you know. Um, he kinda…was _with_ someone now though. Oh. Oh…was it Zexion? Oh…um, yeah, it kinda was.

 _Oh. Well…good luck and all._

 _Thanks. You too._

So that was it. And even though Axel had some hope that with this job he could pull his life together a little, late at night he wondered if it was going to be worth it. Was it worth it, really, to pull together an empty life? Was it worth it to have a job and money, and no one to come home to?

Did he even have a choice? _Take what you can get._

~o~

 **More A/N:** Ugh, I feel crappy just editing that chapter. Seriously, sorry! It will NOT stay like this!

Oh and just an FYI, my ebook The Conqueror will be free on Amazon, Oct. 27-31. Halloween giveaway! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:**

The Conqueror is free right now, just a reminder. :)

* * *

During the first week of school, there were thousands of things Axel needed to pay attention to and take care of and ninety-three names to learn. But he still found time to stand outside his door between classes and interact with kids and other teachers in the halls. And maybe, just a little bit, to scan the crowds of kids for a short blond ninth grader.

On Thursday, he spotted Roxas, rushing down the science hallway as the warning bell rang. Axel grinned. "Mr. Martin! No running!"

The boy turned, wide blue eyes searching nervously for whomever had called his name…and then lighting up happily when he spotted Axel. Roxas beamed and came rushing over. "Mr. Michaels! You're here! Are you subbing for somebody today?"

Axel grinned, and this time, he just said _hell with it_ and ruffled the kid's hair. "No way!" He pointed to the sign on his door—his own name. "I'm teaching chemistry here now!"

Roxas' eyes went even wider. "Oh _man!_ Crap, I wish _I_ was in eleventh grade! How come you couldn't teach earth science?"

Axel chuckled. "Because Mr. Phillips is still teaching that, kiddo. You have him, right?" Roxas nodded. "And what class are you heading to now?" Axel pulled a pass from his pocket as Roxas named his math class in the next hallway. Axel scribbled him a pass as the bell rang. "Here you go—my fault for making you late. Come see me whenever you want."

"Okay, Mr. Michaels! Thanks! See ya!"

After that, Roxas started showing up to say hi in the mornings. A friend or two of his tagged along sometimes, because it was cool for a ninth grader to have a reason to visit an eleventh-grade classroom and gawk at all the _chemistry_ stuff lining the lab—all the stuff they'd learn about in two years, and oh, those years felt far off. Axel's mornings became a great deal brighter.

During the third week of school, Roxas asked, with a suspiciously casual tone, if Mr. Michaels had a class during fourth period.

"Nope, I have prep that period. Why?"

"What does that mean? What do you do for prep?" A slight, curious head-tilt.

"Mostly I just sit in here and grade papers or something." _What's he after?_

"Um…well, some kids can get passes out of lunch if a teacher says it's okay for them to eat, like, in their room…and I was wondering if I could get a pass to your room for fourth. Cause that's when I have lunch." A hopeful smile.

"Like for every day?" Axel blinked. He hadn't quite expected this.

"Yeah…can I eat here every day?" Pleading blue eyes, so adorable, so damn _cute_ …

"Why? Don't you like lunch? It's a good time to hang out with your friends, right?"

Roxas fidgeted. "Yeah…I dunno. I don't really have friends in my lunch though…"

 _Hmmmm._ "Well, give it a chance, Roxas. I'm sure you'll find people in your lunch you want to sit with." _There. That's the responsible teacher thing to say, definitely._

Roxas looked bummed. "So…I can't come here?"

Axel melted…just a little. "Tell you what. Give it another week, and if you still don't have anyone to sit with, I'll sign you a pass to eat lunch here."

A smile broke over Roxas' face again. "A week? Okay! Thanks Mr. Michaels!"

Axel felt pretty sure that a week would be all most ninth graders would need—it was just a matter of getting settled into the high school routine, right? He didn't really think Roxas would be back for that pass.

He wasn't really upset, though, when Roxas surprised him and came back. He was actually sort of happy that Roxas still wanted the pass. Of course, he was dutifully concerned about the kid adjusting properly to high school, but that didn't mean he couldn't be a little happy as well. He didn't hear until a few months later that there had been a few boys picking on Roxas at lunch—older kids. Lunch was the only place Roxas saw them though, and although Axel wanted to write those bullies up when he found out, by that time it was long over and Roxas was perfectly acclimated to high school…as long as he could just eat in Mr. Michaels' room. Which he said he liked better anyway, since the cafeteria was really loud and he couldn't read or do homework with all the noise, and Mr. Michaels could help him with science and math during lunch. And Mr. Michaels was happy to help, too. He could grade papers later, at home.

Classes were okay. Some were better, some were tougher. Teaching was rough, but kind of fun too, and school was a routine Axel found himself finally starting to get into. And there was the spot of sunshine called "fourth period prep"—and there was _much more money_ , at last.

Subbing didn't pay shit compared to a salary. Axel started paying the bank back, and come late October, to his glory and joy, he moved into a new apartment. It was only a studio this time, but a much nicer, cleaner one in a better part of town—not right by campus, surrounded by college kids and frat parties every weekend. He finally felt a little more like an adult.

He was still alone…but that was okay. One thing at a time. And he had too much to deal with at school anyway—the first year of teaching was infamous for keeping one overwhelmed. Axel didn't have time to go out much on the weekends, let alone time to invest in a relationship if he actually _did_ meet somebody. And anyway, he wasn't sure he wanted that yet. He just…missed Demyx.

~o~

It was a Friday afternoon on a lovely fall day, and Axel was finishing up some things in his classroom before leaving for the weekend. While the teachers who had been around forever could have their bags packed and walk out the door with the students, those still struggling to plan all their lessons from scratch were often still around once the hallways were empty of kids. This was how Axel became friends with a couple janitors.

When his door opened, Axel assumed the janitor was just early today, and he was about to look up and ask why—the students had only just vanished, and the janitor usually wasn't here for another 20 minutes. Instead, to his surprise, there stood Roxas. For once, the babyfaced fourteen-year-old was not smiling. Instead, his nose and eyes were red-rimmed.

"M-Mr. Michaels…" _Sniffle._ "…C-can I talk to you a m-minute?" The pre-pubescent voice wavered thinly.

Axel stood at once and hurried around his desk. "Of course, Roxas. What's the matter?" He guided the boy to a lab table and sat him down.

Roxas proceeded to sniffle and half-sob out his story. "There's this girl on my bus…she's a sophomore I think…she's always poking me and s-stuff…and t-today she came up to me at my locker, and she was walking to the bus with me, which I thought was weird but sort of okay, but then she…then she pulled me into the girl's bathroom…" The tears broke free and started down those fair cheeks. "…No one was there, everyone was at the bus already, and she…she pushed me into the wall and she…she pushed her-her chest on me and she t-touched…" The boy was sobbing now, breaking Axel's heart. "T-touched my p-privates and, and then she k-kissed me…!"

It was bad enough that some girl had molested an obviously sweet and innocent kid against his will. But the fact that it was _this_ sweet and so very innocent boy—Axel was furious. And Roxas was clearly traumatized, and the poor child was babbling now—"I n-never been…that was my f-first k-kiss…I wanted it to be special but now it's too late…and I missed my bus and my mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me, I don't know what to do…!"

He hesitated a moment, reminded by that cautious inner voice that hugging a student was a dangerous move and could very easily be misconstrued, and then his job would be gone. And then he took another look at the trembling, crying kid…and just wrapped his arms gently around Roxas' shoulders. The boy leaned into him immediately, and Axel murmured comforting things and held Roxas and let him cry against his dress shirt.

When Roxas started to calm down, Axel gently asked, "Can you tell me your mom or dad's work number?" He handed Roxas the classroom tissue box and wished he had something better to offer than sandpaper-cheap tissues. "I'll call them and explain while you take it easy, okay?"

Sniffling, Roxas nodded and recited his mother's work number. Axel gave Roxas some space, taking his desk phone into the hall with him as he called.

"Mrs. Martin? Sorry to bother you at work, ma'am. My name is Axel Michaels, I'm a teacher at your son Roxas' high school. …No, I'm not his teacher, I teach chemistry, but I was Roxas' student teacher in seventh grade…yes, yes we met on Back to School Night that year. Yes, good to speak to you again…although I'm sorry to say, these aren't the best circumstances." Sudden tension entered the woman's voice. "No, he's fine, ma'am…or I should say, he's not hurt. You see…" Axel explained what had happened in the gentlest terms he could find. Then he quickly offered, "He's all upset now that he missed his bus, and he's worried you'll be upset. I wanted to ask if you or his father can come pick him up at school…of course, I'd be happy to drive him home myself, but the school sort of frowns on that without written permission…yes. Yes that would be fine. Yes, he can hang out in my room for a bit, and I'll bring him down to the main office to meet you. Half an hour? Sure. No, it's no problem, I'm happy to help. Yes. See you shortly then."

Mrs. Martin was a very nice lady, as Axel remembered, and she was coming to get her son at once. She sounded every bit as outraged as Axel was, but she could control her reaction. There would certainly be a few calls to the school made, and the girl would not get away with her actions, but Mrs. Martin would definitely be nothing but comforting toward her son. Axel could hear it in her voice.

In the meantime, Axel was happy to provide a haven for Roxas to calm down and get a hold of himself before his mother showed up. Which he did. He used almost a whole box of sandpaper-cheap tissues, but he calmed down, and Axel told him his mother was coming and she wasn't mad at him at all, and everything would be all right. It was funny how that worked, sometimes. Funny how a kid could be so trusting, how Axel could say, "It's going to be fine, Roxas," and see in those deep blue eyes that the boy believed him. It snagged him in the heart, seeing his favorite student so upset…and Axel had a mad impulse for a moment to kiss the boy on his adorable little nose.

But no. _Hell no, no way in the world, no._ That wasn't an option. The very _idea_ was shocking…and really, really wrong. He shoved it out of his mind faster than a mental blink. _You're not his uncle, you're not any kind of family member, you're a teacher. Don't forget._

When they met Roxas' mom in the office, the woman sent Roxas to the car first. Axel got a wave and an appreciative, "Bye Mr. Michaels. Thanks," and he nodded and smiled kindly in return. The Roxas' mother was thanking Axel as well, for being there and taking time out to help her son. Axel answered that it was really nothing, no trouble at all, and he hoped Roxas would be okay, and if there was anything he could do…

There probably wasn't, but she'd let him know if there was, and she appreciated it.

Axel wished there was an appropriate reason for him to check up on Roxas later, but there wasn't, really. It was a family thing, now. He shouldn't pry.

~o~

Things went back to normal and continued like that. Then, the day before Thanksgiving—an in-service day for teachers, students had off—Axel got a phone call.

From Demyx.

For a few minutes it was mostly awkward pauses and hesitant how-are-you-doings, and oh-that's-good, and that-sounds-nice. Then Demyx got around to his reason for calling. "So, um…are you going home for the holidays at all?"

Axel wasn't. Things at home were…the same, yeah. "What about your family?"

"The same too. Um, but we're having a little get-together on Christmas Eve, if you wanna come."

" _We?_ " He tried not to sound too interested.

"Me and…and Zexion."

Axel felt the small flicker of hope in his heart that had started up when he heard Demyx's voice on the line…snuff out suddenly. _They're still together._ It still hurt, although not as badly as before. Axel had been thinking about things, thinking about where they went wrong. Trying to figure out how he'd gone from feeling like he would spend the rest of his life smiling into those eyes, to…losing Demyx utterly and completely, without even fighting for what they'd once had.

His best guess had come down to something like—when things were rough, they weren't what each other needed. They made each other happy in good times, but when Axel was tired and discouraged he wanted to hold and be held and talk, and when Demyx was tired and discouraged, Axel guessed that he wanted to fill his mind with music and forget. Maybe the best person for Demyx would be someone who could rest in the silence, and who, when _he_ was tired and discouraged, needed soft music and peaceful quiet.

It still hurt. It _ached…_ but from what Axel had seen, he was guessing Zexion might be a better companion for Demyx when things were tough. And right now, he was trying to let go in his heart, and…wish his ex-boyfriend well.

But he didn't think he was ready to see them together. Even if Demyx was just worrying about Axel being alone on Christmas.

"That's okay, Dem. Thanks for the invite. Maybe some other time. You guys have fun though."

A pause. "Okay…if you're sure…"

"Yeah." A deep breath. "Good luck, Dem."

He caught the waver in Demyx's voice when his ex wished him the same.

~o~

Axel's first year of teaching flew by. He got a summer job again, but he only worked part-time hours—it was just to earn a little extra, get ahead on those student loans. He turned 24 and almost felt like he had a social life again that summer. _It's like they say,_ he pondered. "Why did you become a teacher?" "Three reasons: June, July, and August!"

He found a semi-classy gay bar in the neighboring small city. He didn't dare look for a more local one, for fear of being seen by someone who would recognize him. He made himself a regular, and made friends among the other regulars. He flirted, too…but that was all. He had options, sure—more than a few guys were definitely interested, but Axel made it clear he wasn't looking to hook up, and he didn't let anyone buy him too many drinks. Flirting was fun, and it was all he wanted right now.

He joined a gym and played racquetball on Tuesdays and Fridays. He struck up a casual friendship with the neighbors, and when they went to Hawaii for two weeks, he offered to walk their dog and pick up their mail while they were gone. He wouldn't take money for it—he liked the dog and it was no trouble. They were extremely appreciative, had him over to dinner as thanks when they got back. Axel didn't find out until years later, but apparently his neighbor played golf with some of the administrators at the school where he worked. His performance review after his first year of teaching went even better than he had hoped, and Axel suspected that someone had put a good word in for him, even if he had no idea who.

By August, however, he was starting to get bored. As much as he still kind of dreaded those six a.m. mornings, he also missed teaching. He missed the students, missed the way the busy days flew by…missed certain people he hadn't seen since June.

Not that he wanted September to come just so he could see _one_ student—and a kid he still wouldn't have in class, at that. No way.

~o~

 **More A/N** : If Roxas' reaction to that experience seems unrealistic for a 14-year-old boy—which it might, nowadays—late 90s! Also, we're taking cues from his canon physical height and appearance and I'm saying he's what we call a late-bloomer. At this point, also pretty sheltered and probably coddled a lot at home (only child, most likely). And, as you might assume, he's gay, he just doesn't know it yet. So—innocent, sensitive little gay boy...right now.

I say all this because I have seen 14-year-olds nowadays and I get the impression that one of them reacting like this might be much more rare now, so this might seem unrealistic to you if you weren't around and old enough to be in school 20 years ago. But rest assured, it wasn't impossible back then.

And sorry that had to happen to Roxas. This is mostly focused on Axel's life, but Roxas is on his own journey too, and has his own hurts and joys to experience.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:**

To reply to "Guest" ;) many thanks! And, well, I've actually posted a fair amount on AO3. I wrote Dragon Age fanfics, and the Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus fandom didn't seem to EXIST over here, and I didn't want to spam my ffnet followers (KH fans) with a different fandom they might not care about. Anyway, my experiences with AO3 have not left me with a very positive feeling about that site, for a number of different reasons. I just don't like it. I realize I'd probably get more readers if I put this on AO3, but I guess...this is really for my old readers and KH fans, a last hurrah. I don't want to get new KH readers at this point, because I don't plan to write any more KH after this so that would be a bummer for them.

So, ffnet for old KH, AO3 for the Dragon Age stuff I wrote, and if I ever get into another fandom I have _no idea_ what I'll do. XD A good incentive to focus on writing more novels for a while! Amazon kinda sucks too, but at least...hm. Actually, I can't think of a way to end that sentence. XD

Also re: to guest "Mommyflaw" - HUGS!

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"Hey! Mr. Mich-holy _crap_ you look so _tan!_ " The voice that called out to Axel cracked sharply, twice, and the taller-than-last-year blond running up to him in the hallway stopped with a dropped jaw. Axel grinned. Roxas was looking a little tan himself, and his hair was bleached almost platinum from the sun. He was still a babyface though.

"I went to the beach last week. What about you, Roxas? How was your summer?"

Roxas gave a quick run-down of his vacation activities—playing soccer, a trip to Disney, fishing. Axel could easily tell which parts Roxas was most excited about—his voice jumped octaves when he was excited. He kept swallowing and clearing his throat after each crack, smile never leaving his face, and Axel thought it had to be the cutest thing in the world. He was pretty sure _he_ hadn't been this cute when _his_ voice was changing.

Unfortunately, a quick comparison of Roxas' new schedule with Axel's classes and free periods revealed that the sophomore could no longer take refuge in the chemistry lab during lunch—Axel had a class when Roxas had lunch. The almost-15-year-old didn't hide his disappointment too well. The 24-year-old hid _his_ much better. Axel was the adult, after all. He had already learned that growing up meant losing the luxury of wearing your emotions on your sleeve if you felt like it. But he still had them, and he still wished Roxas could be in eleventh grade chemistry already.

For about a month, Axel put into practice some of the lessons he'd learned the year before about how to start his classes off right. He memorized yet another set of rosters—names, names, and more names. _Get used to it—this is going to happen every year._ He had some students now whose big brothers and sisters he'd taught last year—and he found out from a teacher's perspective just how different siblings can be. And…he got visits from his favorite student.

Not every day—Roxas' schedule didn't take him to the upperclassmen's science hallway. But every few days, he'd pop his head in the door in the morning, if he got to school early, or he'd call a goodbye to Axel on the way to the buses after school, or sometimes he'd even show up between classes and Axel would end up writing him a pass so he wouldn't be late, each time reminding Roxas that he was really not supposed to be doing this, Axel was being much too nice to him… And Roxas would grin and his voice would crack as he thanked Mr. Michaels and darted off to class.

After-school activities started up, and Axel was assisting the teacher who ran the Astronomy Club. Axel blinked in surprise and a little secret delight when he walked into the first meeting and saw Roxas sitting in one of the desks, beaming at him. _Oh that's right…he did ask me if I did any clubs, and I told him I was going to be helping with this one…_ When he asked Roxas afterward why he wanted to join this club, Roxas just shrugged and smiled. "Astronomy is cool. I'm not that good at science, but I like the stars, so I figured I'd try this out."

Wednesdays and Fridays became Axel's favorite days, and he had lots of fun helping the kids with astronomy projects after school…and chatting a bit with Roxas before club got started.

Mr. Heffler, the lead teacher who ran the Astronomy Club, seemed to be yet another older teacher who believed in conserving his energy…and letting someone else do most of the work. Pretty soon, Mr. Heffler began to leave club after demonstrating the project he wanted the students to work on—leaving Axel to run things and watch the kids work. When they were just continuing a project, he often didn't show up. Axel spent a lot of afternoons just sitting around, helping the kids when they needed it, but mostly just watching them work, maybe grading homework.

Sometime in late November, Axel started to wonder something. He was watching all the kids, of course, and that included Roxas…and Roxas' classmate and lab partner, Sora. Sora was a bright-eyed, talkative, and very friendly kid—athletic, outgoing, and smart enough to be in an academic club, at least until spring sports. Roxas seemed to _really_ like Sora—he smiled at Sora all the time, and became very animated when talking to Sora. And sometimes—now and then—Axel would look up from the teacher's desk or somewhere else in the room, and he thought he saw… _more_ , in Roxas' eyes and face. More than friendship or even admiration. A shy little blush as blue eyes lingered when Sora was looking elsewhere. A hesitating kind of…hopefulness. Almost like _longing_ —a very youthful longing, but something sweet and a little bit painful.

By Christmas, Axel was dead certain—his favorite little student had a crush. Probably his first big crush too, from the looks of it. _On a boy._ That was…unexpected. Until now, whenever Axel had pictured Roxas as an adult, he'd seen a little wife in there somewhere, a couple of adorable children—things that seemed to naturally fit the handsome young man Roxas would grow up to be. Things that made it _very clear_ to Axel's subconscious that Roxas was never going to be someone he could look at in a different light.

But this…well, Axel wasn't bothered by it or unhappy. It was just…noteworthy. Puppy love was a part of life—it happened to everyone at some point, and then it faded away before too long, or ended in a little heartbreak…which would feel like the end of the world for a while and then that, too, would pass. A crush was nothing to worry about—it made Axel feel a little nostalgic, remembering his own school days, and a boy or two he hadn't thought about in a _very_ long time—but he did wonder what would happen next. Was this going to grow and develop into a strong inclination for Roxas, or was he going to forget these short-lived feelings and become more interested in girls?

 _Doesn't matter_ , Axel told himself—he had no personal stake in the question, and he knew that. Still, Roxas _was_ his favorite student. He couldn't help caring, just a little. Just in a mentor-ish kind of way.

So he didn't think too much about it, and that Christmas he went over to Demyx and Zexion's party—a small gathering of their friends, even a few Axel knew from college and hadn't seen in a while. It was nice to catch up. And it was actually nice to see Demyx and realize that time had done what Axel never quite believed it could really do—heal a broken heart. But now…he was okay. Demyx and Zexion were still together, and from what Axel could see they were very happy. Living on one income, essentially, because Demyx's career was limping along at a tragic pace—and Axel really did feel bad about that, because Demyx was talented and a great performer—and Zexion was apparently a data analyst who would probably be raking in the big bucks for his numbers-crunching someday, but so far he was still under five years' work experience and making crap.

And they were still happy. Axel was glad, he really was, but he did have a few little pangs in his chest—feeling sorry for himself, mostly. Wondering if he'd ever find someone like that. Probably not, if he didn't get over himself and start actually _looking_. He had almost half a dozen drinking buddies at the bar who could have been dates, once upon a time, but he'd put things off and delayed too much, and now they were just bar buddies and occasional wingmen—unsuccessful ones, if winging for Axel.

 _Maybe next semester,_ he thought. He was finally starting to get the hang of this teaching routine, so maybe he could put a little effort into the other areas of his life.

~o~

Somehow, it was June before Axel got around to officially announcing to his bar buddies that he planned to find a boyfriend. School just kept him busy.

Sora stopped coming to astronomy club when spring athletics started up, and Roxas' attendance was patchy for a while too. Eventually, he started coming again, and when Axel asked him about it, he shrugged. "I thought I'd try out for baseball, but…kinda didn't make the team. And…you know. I guess I'm not very good at stuff like that."

"Hey," Axel offered cheerfully, "don't say that. Maybe baseball's not your thing, but don't give up. Sports are a lot of fun. Just because one isn't your game doesn't mean none of them will be."

Roxas seemed to actually consider this—yet more proof he was a special kid. Most kids just nodded and ignored him when Axel offered advice. Slowly, he smiled. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, Mr. Michaels. But I think I'll stay in your club for now."

"His" club. _God, he's such a darling._ It wasn't, technically, _Axel's_ club, but he was the only teacher present anymore. It wasn't really odd that the students had come to think of it as his. It was just cute to think that Roxas still liked him as a teacher enough to want to hang out in "his" club. Axel had a mad impulse to pinch his adorable little cheeks like some kind of elderly aunt and squeal over him. _God, be less gay, Axel, what the hell._

"You're always welcome in astronomy club, Roxas. I'm glad you enjoy it." He smiled and patted the kid's shoulder. _There. That was fatherly._

"I do!" Roxas grinned. "Which is weird, because it's science…oh, like, no offense and stuff, but I don't do so good in science, usually."

"You did well in seventh grade," Axel pointed out. Roxas shrugged.

"Oh, yeah, maybe. But that was easy stuff. Biology is hard, and really gross. I can't wait to be in chemistry."

"Chemistry is pretty hard too, Roxas. Maybe harder than biology."

"Well, okay, but at least we don't have to dissect anything, right?"

Axel laughed. "No, no dissections in chemistry. Just lots of fun labs mixing chemicals and making things explode and catch fire!"

"Sweet!"

Roxas wasn't faking his excitement, but he also had other things to think about and probably wouldn't spend the remainder of the year and the summer longing for the day he became an eleventh grader and started chemistry. Axel wouldn't either—but he _would_ probably think about it more often. His interactions with Roxas were kept to twice a week right now, and he couldn't keep tabs on the kid much, see how his life was going. See if he still liked that boy or not.

Before the year ended, Axel spotted Sora in the hallway hand in hand with a cheerleader. If it bothered Roxas, Axel didn't get a chance to see it. He didn't see Roxas with any girls, though. He didn't detect any more crushes, either, not even as spring put everyone in a puppy love mood and the teen drama skyrocketed between classes and in the notes Axel intercepted during class.

But June came eventually—another year of teaching successfully completed. It had felt never-ending, and then suddenly it was over and Axel realized he hadn't gone on a date in _years. Plural._

The first weekend of summer, he finally announced to his bar buddies that he was definitely getting back in the game now. They didn't believe him, especially after they sent three guys his way and Axel didn't go home with any of them. But that wasn't Axel being evasive, honestly. He just had _standards_.

Despite the efforts of the other bar regulars, Axel's first date turned out to be a guy from his gym. He saw the guy in the weight room from time to time, and they'd played racquetball once or twice when the other guy's partner hadn't shown up. He had _very_ nice arms, and killer abs to match. Axel had thrown a few glances his way, even if the long silver hair looked kind of tacky to him. The guy was nice—taciturn, but not rude; quiet, but not in a shy way. If he'd noticed Axel looking, he hadn't said anything about it.

So Axel let himself look a little more, a little longer. Especially when he ended up in the racquetball court with the guy again. He kept it to a minimum while they were playing, but as they were winding down, Axel let himself cast a few long, lingering looks at the guy, all sweaty and tempting.

Afterward, the guy shook his hand and, out of the blue, asked, "Dinner tonight?"

Stunned for a moment, Axel swallowed, then smiled. "Yeah. Yeah I'd like that."

So he went to dinner with the guy—Riku, apparently. It was nice. Nice food, and Riku was apparently able to talk enough that things weren't awkward. He had a refreshing lack of pretension, including in the way he flirted. He didn't smile much, but he touched Axel's hand and arm and back and brushed hair away from his face and after dessert and wine asked, "Come back to my place?"

"Yeah. Absolutely."

Riku's place was nice, with more nice wine, and making out on a nice couch. The way Riku kissed and touched him in his clean, modern condo made it all feel very adult. Slow and sensual, with the air conditioner making everything cool and fresh on a warm June night. It was nothing like Axel's past experiences. Making love with Demyx in a shit apartment with nothing but a fan rattling loudly as it pushed the hot air around…or before that, if he wanted to go back to remember the last time he hooked up with someone he wasn't in love with—college. Half-drunk in a dorm room with some frat who needed seven shots of something before he'd take his pants off for another guy, music thumping from the party downstairs and clothes all over the floor.

This wasn't love and it wasn't the sort of thing he knew he'd regret in the morning, and that alone made it all feel incredibly new and…nice. When Riku pulled back and stood and softly asked, "Bed?" and took his shirt off, Axel smiled and went with him. Let Riku undress him. Let him push Axel down onto a bed so damn comfortable it probably made him even harder, the downy comforter and soft sheets cool on his skin, Riku's mouth hot, ambient jazz in the background that played softly through a sound system that apparently was wired into every room.

There was nothing emotional about it. They both knew what they were doing well enough that nothing was terribly awkward. Even when it became apparent that they both preferred to top, Riku was smooth. "It's fine, you can fuck me. I like it."

"You sure?"

"Mmhmm. Let me get a bigger condom. I have a couple sizes."

So it was sex—comfortable, satisfying, really pretty good sex. No kissing afterward, just breathing hard into the gathered heat and musk around them.

"Staying the night?" Riku asked, with absolutely no hint in his voice that he preferred either a _yes_ or a _no_.

Axel hesitated. Everything had been very nice, and Riku's bed was a patch of cloud stolen from Heaven, as far as he was concerned, but aside from that, he didn't really feel like it. Riku glanced at him, and apparently he was a perceptive fellow—or Axel was an open book. "You don't have to."

"Okay…" He ventured. "I think I'll go."

Riku nodded. "Want to do this again sometime?"

"…Yes. If you do."

"I would like that." Then Riku added, "I like to get dinner first, usually, and I prefer not to be exclusive. If that works for you?"

It did. Why not? _Is this what being grown up feels like?_

Axel thought about it on the drive home. Was it sad that he didn't feel much about it, or was it good that at least he wasn't lonely and desperate and making bad decisions? Did people still fall madly in love once they were all grown up, or was love supposed to be calmer, once those crazy teen and college years were over?

Not that it mattered—this wasn't love, it was just sex. Clean, safe, adult sex.

For the rest of the summer, Axel saw Riku every weekend for sex, and sometimes at the gym, as before—but those meetings continued to be unplanned. Sometimes on Friday night and sometimes on Saturday, they'd get dinner out and then go back to either Riku's or Axel's—more often Riku's, because of his _bed_ —and have sex. They'd talk over dinner, but never anything deep. Riku always seemed a little distant, somehow; at the end of the summer, Axel didn't feel like he knew him any better, really, than he had after their first date.

But that was fine. He was good at sex, and that was the point of their relationship.

~o~


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:**

LOL "Guest again" I never stopped writing. ;) Unless you mean only AkuRoku, in which case yes, I wrote novels and stuff instead. And will again!

BTW everybody, I'm actually debating if I should post my Dragon Age fics here, after this story is done. I kind of want to delete my AO3 account, but I really don't want to spam people with a fandom they didn't sign up for. So I don't know. *shrug*

* * *

Roxas was in eleventh grade, finally taking chemistry and in Axel's last-period class. It wasn't the honors chem class—Roxas' grades in science weren't that good. But it was a great class, Axel thought. Maybe better than his honors group, some days.

First day, roll call: "Roxas Martin."

"Ready to blow shit up, Mr. Michaels!"

He bit his tongue to keep his smile at bay. "Language, Mr. Martin." _When did he learn words like that?_ Axel felt old—Roxas' voice was done changing, and it had become a lovely tenor. He was taller, his face thinner and less babyish. He was turning heads in the halls, like Axel had always known he would, one day. There were at least two girls in the class watching him. Roxas didn't seem to notice.

"Sorry, sir." A cheeky grin, because he knew _this_ teacher wouldn't really get mad at him, but Roxas was still a good kid. He wouldn't exploit his "in" with the teacher to do anything really bad; he was just being playful. And why not? Axel could see him, jiggling his leg, tapping his pencil, full of life and energy and hormones and probably sugar. Sixteen going on seventeen. Axel remembered what that was like.

Actually, he mostly remembered jerking off twice a day to Jason Priestly and Jordan Knight. That, of course, was completely not relevant to Roxas in any way. Roxas was still twelve, as far as Axel was concerned, and he always, always would be.

~o~

Axel did not end up taking over the astronomy club that year—Mr. Heffler had retired, and his replacement took over the club. Axel helped out for the first month, then the administration asked him to be involved in the after-school tutoring program. He was in demand—a lot of students needed help with math and science, and chemistry in particular was something most other teachers weren't much help with. So Axel was a tutor after school three days a week.

Roxas, for all his enthusiasm, wasn't stellar at chemistry, and as soon as he heard Mr. Michaels was doing after-school tutoring, he started showing up. So Axel got to see Roxas after school three times a week most weeks, and Roxas pulled an A in chemistry thanks to all the extra help, which apparently was his first A in a science since seventh grade. His parents were thrilled and proud of him for working so hard. Axel was proud of him too, and said so during parent-teacher conferences.

Mrs. Martin just smiled. "Well, I don't mind saying that I think you deserve some credit for his motivation." Axel's smile froze, just a little. _Calm down, there's nothing wrong with that. She's not implying anything. She wouldn't be smiling if she was._ "Roxas has always liked you. I think he's working extra hard to impress his favorite teacher. We're so glad he's been able to have you as a role model in school."

 _Right. Mentor._ "It's an honor, ma'am. I'm here for the students, and he's a great kid. Kids like him remind me what teaching is all about." _More than you know._ After all, Roxas had been his one bright spot, once upon a time, and even now there were days when Axel was tired and stressed and didn't want to get up at six and do all this again, but he did it, and a lot of it was because of Roxas. Or, if it was just pure willpower and bills to pay, at least Roxas made him smile before the day ended, and that made things a lot better.

~o~

Axel went to Demyx and Zexion's Christmas party again, and this time Demyx cornered him by the punch and there was no more awkwardness, no more fear of treading on old feelings—just a very pushy little blond arching his eyebrow as he asked, " _Why_ didn't you bring anybody tonight? Do _not_ tell me you're still single, Ax."

"No. I mean…" Axel winced, and Demyx crossed his arms. "Um, I don't have a _boyfriend_ , exactly…"

Eyes wide and warning, Demyx gave him a Look. "You'd better tell me what _that_ means right now."

Axel sighed. He felt like asking if this was really Dem's business—wasn't it kind of inappropriate for his ex to be so nosy about his love life? But then again, Demyx had also been his best friend, and they'd broken up years ago… "I have a sex friend," Axel admitted. "I see him every other weekend." School had made their dates a little less frequent. "He's nice and clean and we get along fine, but neither of us really wants to be exclusive, so it's just sex."

Demyx looked hesitant. "How long have you been with him?"

"Um, since June."

"And there's nobody else? Nobody you're really into?"

"No, Dem. I guess not."

A worried look, now. "Do you want to meet someone like that? I know a couple guys who are single right now…"

"I…Dem, seriously…" Axel really wanted to say "no thanks," but he knew he shouldn't. He should see other guys. It was clear by now that he and Riku were never going to be more than what they already were—not that he'd ever thought they would be, but there was always that possibility starting out. Now, it was obvious they would only ever be comfortable and convenient for each other, and if Axel ever wanted to find someone to keep around, he should really be looking.

So rather than shut the idea down, he grudgingly said, "All right. Just don't…no big expectations, okay? I'll go out with them, but I'm not looking for a serious boyfriend right now. They need to understand that."

"Why _not?_ "

He hummed. "A lot of things. Work. Time. I don't think I'm in a place where I can really invest in a relationship yet. I don't want to disappoint any of your friends."

"All right, I'll make sure they know," Demyx sighed, shaking his head. "But I hope you'll change your mind soon, Ax." There was a lot unspoken there, Axel thought, but maybe they weren't quite ready for Demyx to tell him all about how great true love was and how much he wanted to see Axel happy.

But that was fine. Letting Demyx "help" wasn't going to hurt him or his thing with Riku or his job, and it might bring them a step or two closer to being real friends again. Axel thought he'd like that, actually. He didn't have many close friends, and Demyx had been a really good one, before they were more. Now that he was over the breakup, maybe they could enjoy being back in each other's lives, just a bit.

~o~

It was March, after school, and no one had shown up for tutoring but Roxas. Axel had re-explained some things Roxas hadn't really understood in class, and now Roxas was working on homework problems, occasionally asking questions, while Axel graded quizzes. It was very warm in the tutoring room—the school's heating system was always unbalanced, and too warm was better than an icebox, at least, but right now it was making Axel sleepy. He could barely focus on the papers, and it seemed like Roxas wasn't doing much better.

"Hey Mr. Michaels?"

"Mm?"

"What college did you go to?"

Not really relevant to chemistry, but Axel looked up, smiling slightly. "Central State, why?"

"What did you get on the PSAT?"

Axel blinked. "The PSAT? Um…I don't remember."

"Oh."

"Why?"

Roxas shook his head. "PSATs are next month. I was wondering what you had to have to get into a college like Central State."

Axel smiled. _Awww._ "PSATs don't matter as much as they tell you, Roxas. Central only really looks at your SATs, and even then you only need an average score. Central's not the toughest school to get into."

"Why'd you go there?"

Axel shrugged. "Central's not the most expensive, either. And the education program is solid—not amazing, but perfectly fine for any job in this state, and my loans covered most of the tuition."

Roxas was chewing on his eraser, not looking at his work anymore. "Is it really a party school? Some people say it's all parties there."

Axel arched an eyebrow. "There are parties—every school has those. How much partying you do is up to you. It's a pretty big waste of money to get nothing but parties out of your college experience, though." Axel was momentarily proud of himself for saying such a responsible, good-role-model thing.

"Did _you_ go to lots of parties?" Now there was a glimmer of mischief in those blue eyes.

Axel's eyes narrowed. "I wouldn't say 'lots.'"

"But you _did_ go to some." Now Roxas was smirking, the little brat. He had such a cute grin, though…

"Yes, Roxas, I went to some parties. I stayed up too late and did things that were bad for me, and I'd tell you not to do those things, but you probably won't listen, because no one ever does." Then he gave Roxas a bemused look. "Isn't it a bit early for you to be thinking about this? Usually you wait until you're a senior before worrying about college."

"Maybe," Roxas hummed, shifting around in his chair. "But I think I know what I wanna be already, so. You know. Thinking about where to go."

"Oh? What do you want to go to college for, then?"

A smile. "I wanna be a teacher. Like you." Roxas smiled, and blushed just a little. "Well, maybe not _exactly_. I don't think I could teach science, I kind of suck at it. But maybe English? I'm in honors, and my grades are good."

Axel felt like he had a goddamn sunrise going on in his heart right then, complete with warmth and pink and gold and everything. _A teacher. "Like you."_ He cleared his throat. "Well, teaching isn't an easy job, Roxas…but it can be a good career, if you're cut out for it. You should look at other schools, though. If you can afford it, a better school will increase your chances of getting a job." Then he smiled and added, "And keeping the parties to a minimum is a good idea, too."

Roxas beamed. "Don't worry, Mr. Michaels. I'm not that into parties anyway."

"No?" Axel didn't press more than that—he was half looking at quiz papers again, just keeping the conversation going. Roxas ducked his head and blushed.

"Nah. I mean, I get invited. _Got_ invited, I guess…last fall there were these girls who kept…I dunno. There were lots of parties after the football games. I went to a few. But it was kinda…awkward. So I don't go anymore."

Axel glanced up. "Nothing happened, I hope?" At the mention of _girls_ and Roxas' stumbling, he couldn't help remembering that _one girl_ two years ago. He didn't think Roxas was quite that helpless now, but he couldn't keep from worrying.

"No no, no. Nothing _bad._ I just…I dunno. They were really, um, kinda obvious, I guess, and I didn't like it, and I was thinking about it…I've been thinking about it a lot, ever since, really…" Suddenly, Roxas leaned forward, eyes intent. "Can I…tell you something?"

"Sure, Roxas." Axel put his pen down.

"Will you promise not to tell anyone else?"

Axel raised his eyebrows. "Well, for legal reasons I can't really promise that, because depending on what you tell me I might be obligated by law to report it…"

"No no, it's not…you wouldn't be. It's just a personal thing."

"Okay…"

"I just…I've been thinking about stuff, and myself, and…" He took a deep breath. "I've been thinking I might be…gay."

Axel blinked. He took a deep breath. "Have you mentioned this to anyone else?"

"Um, no. I wasn't sure what to say, or what people would think…or what _I_ think…" He laughed, a nervous sound. "And now that I've said it I think I shouldn't have said it, because, I mean, what do _you_ care, what are you supposed to do with that, right? But at the same time…just saying it…hearing myself say it, and telling someone…shit, it feels _real_. I think I really…shit. I'm pretty sure I'm gay."

Slowly, Axel stood up, rounded the desk, and sat down in a chair next to Roxas. The kid didn't sound upset, just a little…overwhelmed? Axel leaned forward a little, seeking Roxas' eyes. "Okay," he finally said, nodding.

"Okay?" Those blue eyes were so wide, searching.

"Yeah." Axel smiled, reassuring. "I'm honored that you would tell me this. That you trust me. And hey—if you want to talk about it, I'm here. You can talk to me."

Roxas visibly relaxed, letting out a big breath he'd apparently been holding. His face cracked a slight smile. "You're not gonna yell at me for swearing?"

Axel smiled back. "Not today."

Roxas' laugh was a little shaky. "Oh good." Then, "Thanks, Mr. Michaels."

"No problem." A pause. "Are you going to tell your parents?"

A wince. "Um…maybe not just yet. I don't even really know how they feel about…that stuff. I need to figure that out so I know how big a deal this is gonna be before I bring it up. But I _will_ tell them. You know. Eventually."

In all honesty, Axel couldn't really encourage more than that. Who was he to promise that Roxas' parents would be supportive? He didn't know that. And his own had certainly not been, so.

"All right. Let me know if I can help." He sort of wanted to hug the kid, but that _really_ wouldn't be appropriate. Roxas was in a vulnerable place right now, and almost guaranteed to misinterpret too much kindness.

A sigh. "You're so cool about this, Mr. Michaels. I knew you would be. You're the coolest teacher _ever_."

Chuckling, Axel stood back up to return to his desk. "Too bad the school doesn't pay more based on coolness."

~o~

That weekend, Axel went on his third date with one of Demyx's friends. He was wondering what to say, but the guy said it first.

"This isn't…working for you, is it?"

Axel took a deep breath and went for honesty. "No. Sorry."

"That's okay. It was nice getting to know you a bit. Maybe I'll see you at the next Christmas party?"

"Most likely."

They shook hands and that was it.

~o~


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note:**

This is the year when things start to get...complicated for Axel.

Just to be clear, BTW, Axel will never get himself off thinking about a kid, in this story. Or think about him during sex with anyone else. That would be icky. I think That Scene is one that turns up a lot in naughty stories, but I think in reality people don't do that, fantasize about someone they know, unless they're willing to actually have sex with that person, and Axel won't because he isn't. Hopefully that makes sense. :)

* * *

Spring came again, and Roxas had a new crush.

Axel watched blue eyes follow the other boy in class, the yearning expression on Roxas' face, and he felt strangely…sad. Like a parent, watching his little angel suddenly looking all grown up. He told himself he shouldn't—this was good, this was natural, Roxas was seventeen and _should_ be interested in boys his own age. And it was a good sign that he was getting comfortable with himself, letting himself feel things without getting scared of those feelings.

And this time, the other boy seemed to notice.

 _Try not to be a bitter old man_ , Axel told himself. _Just because your young love ended horribly doesn't mean it always does. They might have a perfectly fun time together and eventually end things mutually and amicably._ Because it _would_ end—high school romances almost never lasted. Then again, high school romances almost never ended peacefully, either. So Axel hoped good things, expected not-so-good things, and somewhere deep down, he felt that little bit sad. He told himself it was nostalgia, or self-pity, or something like that, and then he stopped examining it.

He knew when Roxas and the boy got together, even though it was apparently a secret. No hand-holding in the halls, no PDA, and no one seemed to know, but Axel just…knew, somehow. It was the special new smile Roxas had when his mind wandered for a few minutes. It was the way their eyes would meet and Roxas would blush. There was definitely something going on—not that it was Axel's business. Though maybe he should make sure Roxas was being safe? But no, they'd had that in health class already, and it wasn't appropriate for Axel to bring it up.

Roxas brought it up.

"I think I kinda have a boyfriend." Blushing. Smiling. So incredibly pretty. _Give him another year and this boy will break hearts_.

They were leaving tutoring together—there had been others there, and Roxas had hung around a little to get a chance to talk to Axel without anyone else nearby. It was sweet, and he probably needed someone to confide in. Axel could swallow whatever little sadness he had and smile for him.

"Really?"

And, because Roxas was a teenager, one word of interest could launch him into the whole story.

Axel listened, and he got the impression Roxas had overestimated the other boy's interest, but maybe he was just seeing parallels to his own past, and a boy who had been more interested in experimenting and using him than actually giving anything back. His experience didn't dictate what Roxas' would be. And Roxas was happy, and excited—a boy basking in the idea that someone he was attracted to might actually like him, _want_ _him_.

It _was_ a secret—Roxas hadn't come out to anyone else, yet, and the other boy was quite agreeable to keeping quiet. From the sound of it, half the attraction in this little romance might be the lure of the forbidden, and the other half might be the thrill of sneaking around. Between the shelves in the library, a little in the locker room when they were the last ones there, even the bathroom— _Oh gross._ Axel bit his tongue and reminded himself that it wasn't anything he hadn't done himself, but adulthood had given him a new perspective on high school boys' bathrooms.

"As your teacher, I need to remind you about that stuff you learned in health class…"

"Oh _God_ , Mr. Michaels, ew! I know, okay?" Bright red in the face. _They haven't gotten quite that far yet, then._

"I know, I know, and I won't give you a lecture. I just want you to be safe, and it really is important." He patted Roxas' shoulder to take any judgmental sting out of the words. "Just promise to be careful, and I won't worry my elderly head about you kids."

A snort. "You're not elderly, Mr. Michaels. You're not even thirty yet, probably. Nobody's old until after they turn thirty."

Axel was closing on 27, and that landmark decade didn't look nearly as distant to him as it did to Roxas. He managed not to sigh. "Right, well, I can still worry about you, kid. So be safe, okay?" Roxas rolled his eyes but nodded. Axel smiled. "And Roxas?"

"Yeah?"

"Congratulations. I'm happy for you two."

It was definitely the right thing to say—Axel knew it would be. He could see it in those pretty eyes, the way they sparkled happily, and he could easily imagine how happy he would have been if an adult he respected had been happy for him when _he_ was mooning over his first boyfriend.

So he let Roxas walk on sunshine and get snuggly with another seventeen-year-old, and he told himself very firmly that his seventh-grade assessment of the boy was still mostly the same—so he would probably be making some young _man_ very happy someday, rather than a young lady, but the point was that Roxas wasn't _for him_ and never would be. And that was just fine. Axel's tastes were shifting more toward older men these days, anyway. Not that he was sleeping with any. He had already dated his way through Demyx's friends and ended up sticking with Riku.

But that was fine.

~o~

On the last day of exams in June, Roxas dropped by his room after the finals were over. Axel was gathering materials and about to head to the teacher's lounge to start running scantrons, but Roxas standing in his doorway and sighing as he looked around the chemistry room was enough reason to hold off on that a bit.

"I can't believe I'm not gonna be in your class any more, Mr. Michaels. I should have failed chem so I'd have to take it again next year."

Axel laughed. "Come on, Roxas, you wouldn't want to do that."

"Hmm." Then that lovely face lit up. "Hey, you should teach physics next year! Maybe Mr. Winslow will retire. You could teach physics, right?"

 _And rewrite an entire year of lesson plans, and tackle a completely different field I haven't touched in years, all so you could have a teacher you knew again?_ Axel shook his head kindly. "I think Mr. Winslow has about ten years to go before retirement age."

Roxas slumped. _Kids._ Not that Axel minded. He couldn't get mad at the kid for selfishness when all Roxas wanted was to keep being in Axel's class.

"Man…I waited _years_ to be in your class again, and it's already over." The kid was being a little theatrical about it, but Axel could see there was something real in his regret. _Probably just his way of dealing with the changes, and facing the idea of senior year._

Axel smiled and strolled over, bringing his papers on his way to the scantron machine. "I'll still be around. In the meantime, you've got all of summer ahead. Don't mope! What are you doing this summer?"

Roxas snorted. "Getting a job to save up for a car. Probably just fast food or some cash register somewhere, _so much fun._ And family vacation, I guess. I'd rather stay here, though."

The flicker of a smile and faint blush told Axel the reasons for _that_ well enough, but he didn't ask. Wasn't really his business.

"Well, maybe I'll run into you sometime. And if not, have a fun summer, and come see me when you're a senior if you like, all right?"

"Oh, I will, Mr. Michaels!" Finally a real, happy, beautiful smile. "You too!"

Axel took that memory of Roxas' beaming face into the three long months of June, July, and August.

~o~

Over the summer, Riku's job moved him to another state, so that ended.

Axel didn't need a summer job anymore, so he spent a lot of time at the gym or the bar. He had his first one night stand since college, just a guy at the bar his buddies paired him up with, and he didn't much enjoy it, so he decided not to do that again.

That summer, his family contacted him.

He hadn't been in touch with any of them, except very occasionally his sister. When she asked, he always told the truth, and apparently she passed on the news that he was still single. Apparently his parents got ideas. Apparently their friends' daughter was…

The effort to "cure" his sexuality was, thankfully, done over a phone call, before they could get as far as inviting him back home for a family dinner. Axel supposed he should be glad they hadn't waited until then, and had the girl and her family there as guests, and _then_ tried to pair them up. Things could always be worse than they were, and that would have been quite ugly.

As it was, he was able to just quietly disappoint his parents all over again by explaining that his lack of a boyfriend didn't mean he was becoming straight. And they were able to quietly cut him out of their lives again. It was all very quiet, as family drama went—very adult and calm and horrible.

There was an uncle Axel had barely known—an alcoholic who had died at home, drunk and alone, and for that reason Axel never drank at home, alone. He went to the bar and got shitfaced and hooked up with a guy in the bathroom, which was only slightly less gross than a high school bathroom. He didn't even know the guy's name. He was definitely _not_ going to do that again.

He was not going to let his family hurt him to the point where he made mistakes he'd end up ashamed of.

By July, Axel realized he was probably just in need of a hobby. He signed up for an adult karate class at his gym, and on the alternate days he found an archery class being offered at the community college in the next town. He reworked his lesson plans. He went to the beach for a week in August and had another one night stand with a guy so tan his ethnicity was a complete mystery. Nothing hard to understand about his abs, though.

Before the end of the week, he had two more one-night encounters with strangers. It was less and less off-putting each time. By the time he returned home and started getting ready for the new school year, he wasn't sure he cared anymore about knowing their names. Certainly not on vacation, anyway. And why not? Vacation was for _relaxing_. Sex was the best thing for that, and he couldn't exactly look for a boyfriend six hours from where he lived. So it was fine. He'd look for a boyfriend this year; he'd find someone nice and get serious. No more blind dates with friends of friends, no more hookups in the bar.

He'd try online dating, that's what. People did that now; he'd heard about it. He created a profile and everything. Then school started, and he sort of forgot to check his messages. He was too busy.

And Roxas was back—taller, tan, leaner, really amazingly good-looking…and single.

Roxas dropped by the first week of school, lunch in hand. It was Axel's lunch period as well, though he didn't know how Roxas knew that. As Roxas dropped into a front row desk with his lunch, grinning, Axel arched an eyebrow at him. "I don't remember telling you I'd write you a pass out of lunch to eat here this year."

"Awww, come on Mr. Michaels! I haven't seen you all summer! We need to catch up." Cheeky as hell, and too damn good-looking to be healthy for other people these days.

Axel unwrapped his sandwich and sighed. "And what have you been up to, Mr. Too-Good-for-the-Rules?"

Roxas winked. "Had a _fun_ job at WalMart," sarcasm on the word _fun_ , "and a nice trip to Disney with my family. Lost the boyfriend, though."

He didn't sound too sad, but Axel still offered, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Eh, it's fine. I think he just wanted me for…stuff, anyway. _Him_ stuff, not _me_ stuff, so, you know." He bit into his slice of pizza.

"Told your family yet?"

Roxas hummed around his mouthful. "Mm, not _exactly._ I think they're getting suspicious. He was around a _lot_ in June, and then I was sort of a weepy mess for a while right about when he stopped coming around. Aaaaand, all the posters in my room are of guys, singers and actors and stuff." He winked. "I'm leaving hints. I'll tell them for sure pretty soon, I think, but I don't wanna surprise them too much."

Axel had a feeling "hints" wouldn't have helped his own family warm up to the idea any, but everyone was different. Hopefully it would work out better for Roxas.

"What about you, huh? What did you do all summer, Mr. Michaels?"

Trying not to show his surprise, Axel swallowed his mouthful. _He really is growing up. He's never asked about me before, I'm just a teacher. We live at school, in their minds._ "Me? Oh, I went to the beach."

"Nice. What else? Unless you were there all summer?"

Axel laughed. "No just a week. I went to the gym a lot. Did some stuff for school. Took some classes."

"Classes? Like teacher stuff?"

"No, like karate and archery."

Roxas' eyes went wide. "Oh my God, really? You do karate and archery? Woah…are you like, some badass ninja by night, chem teacher by day or something?"

He coughed around his food. "No, I'm just a yellow belt. And my accomplishments in archery so far are that I've just about learned to reliably hit the target. I just started both, just for a summer hobby."

"Ohh…okay. So it's not something you have to do for the teaching job—summer classes, I mean."

"You can—some people take graduate classes over the summer to work on their masters. You get paid more with a masters degree." _Maybe next summer._ "But this was just for fun—something new I hadn't tried before."

"Huh." Roxas nodded, and Axel caught his eyes flicking down. Apparently he couldn't quite see whatever he was looking for, so Roxas craned his head slightly. _What…?_ "You're not married, Mr. Michaels?"

 _Oh. Looking for a wedding ring._ "No, I'm not."

Now Roxas was watching his face. "Got a girlfriend?"

Axel had a pretty good idea what Roxas might ask next, and he decided to preempt that if possible. "No, I'm single."

Teenagers, unfortunately, were not to be deterred just because you forced them to be less tactful about something. Tact wasn't their strongest suit most of the time anyway.

"Do you go for guys, ever?"

 _Ugh, kids. Blunt as a brick to the face._ Axel met Roxas' pretty, pretty eyes with a quiet smile. "Have you ever heard any talk about that? People saying that I do?"

"No…"

"Well then," Axel replied, still smiling, "that might be because I haven't told anyone anything about that, and I'm not likely to start now."

Roxas huffed. "That's cold, Mr. Michaels. I told _you._ I trusted you with my secret—you think you can't trust me? After all this time? Especially if we _are_ both…"

"Sorry, Roxas," Axel cut in quickly. "You can't get fired over it. I sort of want to keep this job."

"They can't fire you for that!" Roxas looked horrified. "Equal opportunity shit and all that!"

With a sigh, Axel leaned forward. "Look, Roxas—yes, that's technically true. And most people would be fine with it. But the…the administration and some of the school board here are pretty old school, and I don't have tenure yet. If they want to get rid of me, they can find a valid enough reason. So…maybe don't worry about whether or not I'm dating anyone, or who they might be, okay? If nobody mentions it, nobody wonders."

Roxas seemed to be catching on. "That sucks…but okay, I guess." He met Axel's eyes with a level gaze. "I won't say anything." Then, he smiled. "You are _so_ my favorite teacher, it's crazy. I mean, you already were, but now it kinda feels like…destiny, or something."

 _This kid…so darn sweet. And so. Damn. Young._ "Maybe, Roxas, maybe."

"So I can eat lunch here with you, right? We have the same lunch period!"

But there wasn't much chance of that. "Um, I don't think so." At Roxas' crestfallen look, Axel snorted. "Roxas, you're a senior. Go hang out with your friends. Be a senior. Have fun. Don't waste your lunch period with the boring old chem teacher."

"Hey! You're not—"

"No, sorry—you don't need to get out of the cafeteria this year, I _know_ you have friends to eat with. No passes, Roxas."

The senior whined for his privileges, but Axel stayed firm and eventually won. It was instinct at the time, but Axel thought about it at home and confirmed that yes, that had definitely been the right answer. He did not need to spend his lunch period alone with Roxas every day through senior year. Roxas was a lot less babyfaced than he used to be, and although Axel was old enough by now that the teen years were starting to feel kind of distant and long ago, Roxas was so undeniably attractive it was tempting to forget the age gap. And there was also the problem of Roxas' eighteenth birthday coming up this year—the point when he'd no longer be an illegal minor. Not that that _mattered_ —he could be 21, but as long as he was Axel's student it was wrong and Axel wasn't going there, not even a tiny bit. But temptation worked on any little detail or weakness it could find. And Axel did not need to be alone with Roxas—not _ever_ , let alone all the time.

Roxas still stopped by, waved between classes—and that was enough.

A month later, he showed up in the after-school tutoring program, but not for help.

"Mr. Michaels!" A grin and a wave. Roxas was over at the table Mrs. Cox used for those showing up needing help with English. Axel waved back, and when tutoring was over, Roxas trailed him back to his room, explaining, as Axel had already guessed, "I'm gonna be a peer tutor for English as my senior project. Mrs. Cox will make sure I don't steer those freshmen wrong on the grammar and whatever. But I'll be seeing you after school!"

Axel very firmly told himself to be flattered, as a _teacher_ , and then pulled out his most teacherly thing to say: "That sounds like a great senior project, especially if you still want to go into an education program in college. You can put that on your college applications."

"Yeah, I'm gonna! That's what my parents and the guidance counselor said—they said it'd look really good."

"They were right. Have you been looking at which ones you want to apply for?"

That launched Roxas into a discussion of colleges and teaching programs, a few of which Axel could comment on, but many he knew very little about, especially with English. But it was good—he was just having a nice, normal teacher-student discussion about college and SAT scores with one of the seniors.

 _Good._

~o~


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note:**

Reply to Hyeon: Those are some freaky coincidences! Real life is stranger than fiction. Good luck! And don't you worry, I write for people to enjoy the stories, no pressure on the reader to review or read other stuff, etc. :)

* * *

The problem was, they were both single.

Roxas eventually came out to his family and then his friends. He told Axel about it after tutoring one day, so Axel knew slightly ahead of the rest of the school. It went pretty well—Roxas' family turned out to be supportive. But Roxas didn't get a boyfriend.

Axel genuinely forgot to look for one all that fall semester. A one-eyed cat showed up at his front door when the weather started to turn cold, crying for food, its long fur hopelessly matted. Axel took it to the vet, where Seesaw got her shots and a shave. She looked like a naked feline poodle, and Axel kept her because he couldn't throw her outside with no fur and winter coming. Thus, between school keeping him busy and Seesaw keeping him company in the evening, Axel forgot that he was still alone and still looking for a boyfriend.

He wasn't quite so absent-minded when it came to Roxas, however.

Even without a signed pass, Roxas liked to show up for lunch sometimes—usually just on Fridays, so that it was infrequent enough that Axel wouldn't really argue about it. He always signed him a pass afterward, and the cheeky brat knew he would. And Roxas was always there for tutoring, and often waited around afterward to walk to the parking lot with Axel, talking about school and life and anything at all, really. He always had time to talk to Axel, and he had a lot more questions about Axel's life and interests than he used to.

All classic signs of a crush, and Axel knew it.

It wasn't that strange, and it didn't mean anything—Axel understood. A teenager in the process of discovering his own sexuality realizes that a mentor he's admired for years is just like him—Axel could probably be twenty years older than he actually was and still not be outside of a hormonal teenage boy's crush zone. It certainly didn't help that he _was_ under thirty. Teenagers had a way of not seeing _adulthood_ as a critical difference, mostly because they didn't really know what it _was_ , yet. They were all grown up in their own eyes, especially as seniors. But Roxas was _not_ all grown up from Axel's point of view, and he was beginning to need to remind himself of that on an almost daily basis.

No, Roxas wasn't all grown up…but he was _just close enough_. He could pass for a college kid by now, and that was a problem, because Axel remembered college quite well. His first year of teaching put college behind him by what felt like a mile—the adult world was _so_ different. But all the years since then kind of blended together. There hadn't been any more major changes in his life, so in many ways, he still felt like he was 23, with college behind him but _not far behind_ , like he could meet a guy in a bar and only find out the next morning that the guy had a 10 a.m. class to get to.

And God, that tutoring room got so _warm_. As soon as October hit and the heaters kicked on, and then all through November and December, three afternoons a week he was ditching his sweater or jacket and rolling up his shirt sleeves in that room, while eight feet away Roxas was down to a tank top. Not really dress code for school, but he wore it under his other shirts during the day, and now it was after school, really. Mrs. Cox had given him a _look_ the first time but then let it slide because it really was an oven in there and all the kids were asking if they couldn't _please_ open a window.

The windows didn't open. Axel brought in a fan and stuck it in the open doorway, because the hall air was much cooler, but that still didn't give him a right to tell Roxas to put his shirt back on when another teacher thought it was acceptable.

Roxas' tank tops were long enough that they covered his belt line with inches to spare, so it wasn't like Axel could bust him for flashing midriff around. And they weren't skin-tight or anything else ostentatious, but they were _tank tops_ —they were garments apparently designed to give the imagination _just enough_ to play with. And no sleeves—it was a wonder, to Axel, what a difference a few inches of loose fabric hanging over the shoulders and upper arms could make…and how bad it could be to go without that fabric.

He _did not look_. _Ever_. But he still somehow became aware of Roxas' toned arms, and his flat little tummy, and the angles of his hips, and he knew, deep down, that he was aware that Roxas had a nice ass, but he was so furious with himself and disgusted by even the _idea_ that he might have looked _there_ at some point that Axel couldn't even admit to the thought.

No, he didn't look, he never let his eyes wander—but Roxas did. Especially on days when there weren't many kids in tutoring, Axel would sense eyes on him, and catch Roxas staring at his hands, his arms, his chest. Sometimes he'd be writing something on the board for a kid and get that tingle of awareness and very intentionally _not turn around and look_ because he didn't need to know what Roxas was looking at or what some tiny, loathsome little corner of Axel's heart might _want_ him to be looking at.

 _How did it fucking get like this?_

Before Thanksgiving break, Roxas made a point of bemoaning the loss of a week of seeing Axel in tutoring.

Before Christmas break, Roxas was much more vocal about how he didn't want two weeks away from school and "everyone." Axel tried to brush it off, joke about Roxas being the only kid in the school who didn't want _Christmas_ and presents and no homework for two weeks. But he knew what was happening. It wasn't so strange. Every teacher probably had a kid or two with a crush on them when they were young and still somewhat good-looking. Mrs. Bates had a student teacher right now and all the girls were swooning over him, never mind that he was 22 and had a fiancée. This was absolutely run-of-the-mill, and Axel was not going to let it affect him and he _certainly_ was not going to let it endanger his damn career.

~o~

Demyx's Christmas party was larger than usual that year. Axel found out why almost as soon as he and Demyx cornered each other in the kitchen.

"Look, do you know any more single guys? I know it didn't work out with any of the ones before—I was being too picky, or something, it was my fault. But I'm serious now, Dem, I promise."

"Okay good." Just as serious, clearly. "Because I invited literally everyone I know who might even sort of work for you."

Axel gave Demyx a long look, but decided not to complain or question why Demyx apparently thought he was desperate. The truth of the matter was that he _was_ desperate; whether he was happy admitting that or not—particularly to his _ex_ —there it was. "Okay, introduce me. I won't be a pain in the ass, I swear. I'm _done_ being single."

That was how Axel ended up going home—slightly drunk—with a sort of antisocial guy with dyed blue hair who turned out to be pretty needy in bed. He had a fantastic body, though, so there was that. And he let Axel fuck him. So. There was that.

~o~

Axel knew it would come up eventually, so he didn't mention it. Roxas had taken to asking him from time to time if he was still single, so when a January day rolled around with nobody showing up for tutoring, he wasn't surprised when Roxas perched on the edge of the closest desk and asked again.

"No, actually, I'm not." Axel didn't look up to see what kind of expression Roxas had on his face, but he _felt it anyway_ in the beat of silence.

"Oh." Another beat. "Seriously?"

"I have no reason to lie to you, Roxas." Well, actually, he did, and he certainly could have tried to. It probably would have been easier than actually dating someone so… _Hmm._ But Axel wasn't a particularly good liar to begin with; he didn't think he'd do much better than usual if he tried lying to Roxas.

Another pause. "Is…he nice?"

Axel let the pronoun go without comment and kept marking chemistry homework. "Nice enough." He tried not to think about the emotion he could so easily hear in Roxas' voice.

"Do you really like him?"

 _No._ "He's fine." Axel sighed and finally looked up. "And _he's_ not really someone I want to talk about at school, if you remember."

Roxas had a stiff smile on his face. "Oh right. Sorry." Typical, again—teenagers' lives moved so fast. Roxas had started noticing boys, realized he was gay, had a secret boyfriend, and then come out all in the space of a few short years, while Axel had been basically single the whole time, not speaking to his family, and not out professionally. The speed of adult life was just different from adolescence somehow. It wasn't strange that Roxas would forget.

"Um, yeah…well, nobody's here, guess I'll head home, see you Friday, Mr. Michaels!" Roxas was gone in record time—the first time Axel could remember that he'd left first. He sighed and started to gather his materials. There really wasn't any reason to stay, today.

 _Sorry, kid._

He did _not_ see Roxas on Friday—Roxas didn't come to school, and he wasn't back Monday either. He was back the next Wednesday, however, apologizing to Mrs. Cox and saying he'd had the flu. Axel hoped he was telling the truth. He didn't want to think Roxas had been that upset over the death of his little crush that he hadn't been able to face Axel for a week.

~o~

It was Saturday, it was brunch, and Axel was meeting Demyx for coffee and waffles.

"So, um, is it working out with…?"

Axel smiled grimly. "He's a real charmer, Dem."

Demyx winced. "Okay, I know. To be honest, I'm not really even friends with him, but Zexion knows a guy who broke up with him and I'd met him once, so…"

"Can't imagine how Zexion's friend let _this one_ get away." Axel's smile was acid.

Slumping, Demyx groaned. "Okay, I can find someone else, I _promise_ I can…"

"No!" Axel cleared his throat. "Uh, no, it's fine. I mean—I can deal with it."

Blinking, Demyx just stared at him. "Really? Why would you _want_ to?"

Axel huffed a little and started backpedaling. "Okay, maybe he's not that bad. He's kind of clingy, and kind of passive-aggressive, and he has…um, mood swings. But the sex is nice…" _Nice_ was a funny word. It could really cover a lot. It was a good average of many things. "And he cleans! He loves to clean. My place looks like a showroom these days. Literally, _Better Homes and Gardens_ could stop by without notice any day of the week and just start snapping pictures for their next feature."

"He cleans." Demyx was deadpan. "That makes up for him being kind of a bitch?"

"Ummm…"

A sigh. "But the sex is okay?"

 _Oh boy._ "Well, it's…it's _sex_ …"

Demyx looked stricken. "Okay, I'm torn between 'please God no TMI' and 'tell me what you mean _now_ ' because now I'm worried about you."

"He's got a lot of…rules," Axel mumbled. _Always leave the lights on, always doggy style, kissing only before, but not during or after, no touching in bed after, almost no touching_ _ **him**_ _at all, and a whole lot of…spanking._ "Mostly, he really wants me to be…rough. Like, rougher than I would normally want to be. And I'm not really getting used to it."

"He's not hurting you, though?" Axel shook his head. "Or making you do things you don't like?"

 _Well…_ "That's…blurry. He's not _forcing_ me. I don't particularly like spanking him, though. But I mean, I _can_ , I just don't get anything out of it and I wish he wouldn't ask."

Demyx bit his lip. "I feel bad for introducing you, now. You sure it wouldn't be a good idea to just call it off? It sounds like you guys don't click at _all_. And if you're staying in it for him, because of _his_ needs…"

"No, no, I'm…" Axel shoved a hand into his hair. "I want a boyfriend. It's nothing that terrible. It's just not all sunshine and rainbows, but that's fine, right? That's real life. Real relationships aren't fairy tales. So it's fine. I'll keep trying."

It didn't make Demyx look any less worried, and it didn't change the fact that he was dating a basket case, but Axel was resolved to make the best of it. If nothing else, he was getting laid regularly, and that alone was helpful enough to make up for the rest…at least until June.

~o~

"Hey, Mr. Michaels." A friendly, yet slightly more subdued greeting than Axel used to get. Roxas plopped down with his lunch. "Happy Friday."

"Roxas, you still don't have a pass to be here," he sighed. It was a routine reminder.

"Yup! Anyway." Roxas started poking around with his tacos, eyes on his plate. "It's Valentine's Day. Big date planned this weekend?"

Axel gave him a Look. "Just dinner," he answered simply. _And half an hour of watching him clean up the kitchen, and then rough, no-touching sex with him on all fours again._ "You were carrying some flowers earlier," he commented, wanting to get off that topic as fast as possible. "Who's your valentine?"

"Oh." Roxas shrugged. "The yearbook club sold roses as a fundraiser. I got some, but they're all from girls. Friends, you know." He picked at his taco some more. "Pink means friendship."

"Sorry?"

"There was a color code thing. Red means passion, pink means friends, and white means secret admirer. I just got pink ones from some girls."

There had been a white rose on Axel's desk that morning. He had sort of already figured. Axel very purposefully did _not_ mention it.

"Well, don't worry about it. This isn't a very big school—there just aren't that many people here. When you get to college, you'll be flooded with admirers."

"Great," Roxas smiled stiffly, glancing up at him. "Sounds fun."

Axel kept seeing the longing in those eyes all through his uncomfortable Valentine's Day dinner.

~o~

Waffles again, but Axel was slumped forward over the table, ignoring the food and groaning. "Why do I do this? Why, Dem? _Why?_ "

"Fuck if I know," Demyx grumbled into his coffee. Their bi-monthly brunch—which they had made a routine—was rapidly turning into an "Axel bitches about his boyfriend and Demyx tries to tell him to break up to no avail" meeting.

Axel rolled his head to the side and grunted. "I used to like kissing, you know. _Really_ like it. He kisses like…" _A piranha. Possibly a dead one._ "Ugh. Remember when sex was _fun?_ "

"Sex _is_ fun, Axel."

"Lies." He pushed himself up and glared at his waffle. "It's stressful, routine, and not worth the mess."

Demyx shook his head. "Break up with him Axel, for fuck's sake. He's not worth all this."

Lacking a good rejoinder, Axel stuffed his mouth full of waffle and chewed furiously. "No," he finally replied, swallowing. "I don't want to go back to being single, searching through the bar for a one-night stand." He tackled his food again.

Demyx just watched for a minute, not saying anything. He had one of those complicated looks on his face, like worry and suspicion and confusion and who-knew-what. "Ax…isn't there someone else in your life you'd rather be with?"

"Nope. No one." Axel didn't even hesitate to wonder why Demyx was asking that. "Not a soul."

"Really. _Nobody_ you're interested in?"

Axel stared at Demyx. Then, blankly—"John Stamos." Demyx did the eyebrow thing that translated to _fuck off._ "Oh, _in my life,_ as in currently. Right, sorry. Then no."

"Nobody you're even attracted to?"

"Jesus, Demyx, what's so hard about ' _no_ '? _No_ , there's _nobody_ , why is that so impossible to believe?"

He got another long look for that. Finally, Demyx started cutting up his own waffle. "It's just that…it seems like you're so set on not being single, but I don't get the feeling you even care who you're with…kind of like the point isn't _being with_ who you're with."

"I am not following you at all," Axel flatly declared.

"I _mean_ , like…like you're avoiding something. Or some _one_. You just…remind me of my cousin. Everyone is pretty sure he's gay, but he doesn't want to admit it to the family—not that I can really blame him—so he deals with it by being the biggest playboy you ever met. And he picks the type of women who sort of…fit that lifestyle, I guess. And you just sort of remind me of him, the way you've been lately. You're not yourself, Axel. Don't forget how long I've known you."

Axel swallowed. "People change, Dem," he mumbled. "Maybe I'm not the guy you used to know."

"Sure, granted," Demyx hummed, picking up his coffee. "You _aren't_ , in some ways. I'm different too. But there are some things, Axel. I don't really know how to pin them down, but just…this isn't _you_." He met Axel's eyes. "And you need to dump him."

A sad little whimper might have escaped at that. "One-night stands, Dem. Maybe you don't remember what that's like."

Another sigh. "I'm not going to tell you it isn't that bad. I know that for you, it sucks, even if some people are perfectly fine with it." He shrugged. "Find another sex friend? You did okay with Riku, right?"

 _At the time…_ Axel poked waffle around the plate with his fork. "That's not really what I want either. But…yeah, it's better than a stranger…or a nut case."

"Okay then. _Dump him_."

~o~

"Mr. Michaels! _Look!_ "

Roxas was waving a paper, beaming and running up to Axel in the hall first thing in the morning, and he knew before he looked at it that it was a college acceptance letter. The letterhead was the part that really got his attention, though.

"Central State accepted you! Congratulations, Roxas!" The beautiful boy was vibrating with excitement, and Axel got the distinct feeling Roxas was thinking about hugging him. _Not okay._ Sometimes teachers hugged students _at graduation_. Not before. "I'm not surprised at all, though, your grades are more than enough for Central. Don't you want to shoot for something a little higher?"

A shrug. "I've got other applications out there. We'll see. I just really liked Central when I visited the campus, and they'll take my scholarship, so it's my number-one fallback?" He grinned—unselfconsciously charming. When he learned to turn that off and on at will, he was going to have people wrapped around his little finger.

Axel watched him rush off to first period and thought about the tiny little seventh grader with the pudgy cheeks and the high-pitched little voice. It felt like forever ago, and it felt like yesterday, and that adorable little child was almost off to college now, almost all grown up, and Axel just had to get through a few more weeks and the temptation would be gone from his life, probably forever, and he could go back to remembering Roxas as that little boy who was the uncomplicated spark of joy in his day.

~o~

 **More A/N** : Y'all know who "blue hair" is. ;)

Re: Seesaw - I wrote this a while ago, and as a strange coincidence, October and cold weather brought _me_ a stray this year as well. XD Those of you who have been around might remember I volunteered at an animal shelter; well, I've moved away now and can't do that anymore, but I have a house now, so I adopt rescue cats that wouldn't get adopted otherwise. And then this stray came along this year and unfortunately she's not fond of my other cats so I'm trying to get her adopted but the local rescue here is pretty unhelpful. XP Not that I blame them, I know how things are. But anyway, here's hoping I'll somehow find a new home for Spooky-Boo, the black cat found on Halloween. :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note:**

LOL Guest, I wouldn't have called Roxas a "young twink who is out to get him" ...in the last chapter. But Roxas might go a step toward earning a (fond and affectionate) title like that in this chapter. XD

* * *

Axel's boyfriend didn't like the idea of breaking up. In fact, it was taking quite a long time to push him out of Axel's life, and after several weeks, when Axel came home to find things cleaned up _again_ —and he'd _changed the locks_ when the guy took two weeks to give him his key back, so this was a pretty big problem—he was ready to take drastic measures.

"Oh my God, he _broke in?_ Ax, you have to call the cops."

He was clicking around on his laptop, on the phone with Demyx. "I _can't_. If I do that it'll be a huge mess, and I'm not at all sure I'll be able to keep the school from finding out. So just…check your email. What about this guy's profile?"

There was a long pause. "This isn't …"

"I went for a site that's a little more…specialized."

"Uh." A long pause as Demyx probably scrolled through. Possibly with his eyes half shut. "This is…a little fucked up."

"I'm telling you—I've been sleeping with the guy, okay? I think this would work!"

"You think he's into this stuff?"

"Before I dumped him he asked me to tie him up. And he mentioned… _watersports._ " Axel cringed. "I thought he was talking about going to a pool or a hot tub or something, but apparently not."

"Well, this guy is apparently up for that, so…I dunno. Good luck?"

That was Axel's seal of approval—the next day he was chatting with the guy online, explaining things. Once the guy understood the situation, it was a little unnerving how…commanding he was.

 _OK. We'll do this. Tell him you'll get back together if he'll do a threesome. Your place. Saturday._

Axel cringed. _Look, I appreciate this, but that's not really something I'm into._

 _You won't have to participate. Just be there. Watch. I'll take care of the rest._

Axel agreed.

The man who turned up at his door was quite a bit older, with white hair, but his youthful face and dark skin spoke of some ethnicity Axel couldn't guess at. He was also ripped, and very…bossy. He told Axel where to sit and what to say and explained that he wasn't to interfere. "He's a sub, he just doesn't know it yet. He has assigned you a role you aren't prepared to fulfill, and I'm going to take over that role, but he needs to think he's obeying your wishes at first. By the end, I'll have claimed him, and you won't hear from him again. That is what you wish for, yes?"

"I wish I didn't have to be here for this, but yeah. I want to end things with him." Axel hesitated. "You're not going to do anything…bad, though, right?" He was getting mental pictures of some kind of rape happening in his house, which would then result in the police being called anyway, and all this being worse than calling the cops in the first place.

A look of impatience. "There will be safewords. You'll see. I'm very experienced at this—I'll only give him what he wants. Just don't interfere."

Thus, Axel got a very up-close introduction to S&M. It was kind of like watching live porn…that he was completely not into. Sort of erotic, but too off-putting to enjoy, leading to just a really long night. The explanation of safewords made sense, though, and when he saw how the man used them and checked in with them, it helped clarify the consent. Really, as much as Axel didn't like his boyfriend, he wasn't sure he wanted to watch him actually _suffer_ like that, so it helped when the man checked in and Axel's soon-to-be ex very clearly agreed to everything.

The man wouldn't let it end until Axel's ex called him "master"—along with a lot of vows of obedience and other stuff that only added to Axel's discomfort. Still, when it was over, the man took his ex away and Axel never saw either of them again, as promised, so he figured that one very uncomfortable night plus a story he would probably never tell anyone was a fair price to pay for getting _that_ mistake out of his life for good.

~o~

 _Graduation._

When it finally arrived, Axel couldn't believe another whole year was gone. Roxas had finished tutoring when his graduation project passed, so there had been fewer occasions for Axel to see him, but for the last few weeks of school, Roxas started showing up for lunch a lot more often than just Fridays. He seemed…subdued. Excited about graduating high school, but nervous too. Axel remembered how that felt.

They didn't talk about much during those lunches. A little school stuff, Roxas' summer job, college plans. Roxas had fewer questions about Axel's personal life, these days. Just, "Are you going to do karate and archery again this summer?"

"Maybe. Maybe I'll try something new. We'll see what's available."

There were a lot of lingering glances and yearning eyes Axel had to pretend not to notice during those weeks.

Then, finally, graduation.

Axel sat with the faculty in his regalia, and Roxas was smack dab in the middle of the students thanks to his last name—Martin. There were speeches and diplomas and cheering and hat-tossing, and afterward there was a big mob of everyone congratulating and saying farewells. Roxas dragged his family over, and his parents were very kind and appreciative of all Axel had done for their son over the years. _Roxas really looks up to you, We're so glad you've been such an inspiration to him, Thank you for all the time you've put into helping him succeed, etc. etc._ Axel wondered if Roxas had mentioned anything about having a gay teacher when he'd come out to them. If he had, he didn't see any hints that they thought it was him. Not that it mattered. They seemed like amazing people. _No wonder their son is so…_

He stopped there.

Roxas hugged him before his friends dragged him and his parents away again, and Axel let him and even hugged back—in the kindest, most fatherly way possibly. His parents were right there, and it was fine—the appropriate moment for _one_ congratulatory hug. If Roxas clung a little too tightly, well…the high school grad was just getting a little emotional. Perfectly normal.

Axel said his goodbyes to a few more students, congratulations and good luck, and then he headed back into the school. His regalia was easy to shuck off and hang back up in his classroom closet, where his suit jacket waited and his extra umbrellas. He didn't put the jacket back on over his suit. He didn't have anything else to carry, and it was a warm night.

He heard his door _click_ shut, and turned around.

There was Roxas—also sans regalia, but his suit had no jacket at all, his shirt was short-sleeved and untucked, and the top buttons were open. He looked a little breathless, like maybe he'd run up here, and before Axel could say a word he was striding forward across the room.

"You're not my teacher anymore, Mr. Michaels," he murmured in a rough, throaty tone as he grabbed Axel by the back of the neck and pulled him down into a searing hot kiss.

Axel…didn't even know what happened. One minute he was opening his mouth to ask Roxas what he was doing there, the next—Roxas' tongue was between his lips, and Axel's eyes were just _shut_ , and he was frozen in place but he did—just for a moment, _he did_ —kiss back. Then…

" _Stop._ "

He whispered it, his arms coming up between them and separating their bodies, breaking the kiss by pushing Roxas away.

Roxas swallowed, pain in his blue eyes as they searched Axel's face for a moment, but then he shut them, nodded, and when he looked at Axel again there was determination there.

"I know you have a boyfriend, and I know you probably think I'm too young for you, even if I'm not your student anymore. I get it." He swallowed again. "But I don't care. I'm probably not going to see you again for a while…maybe a long time. I can't just leave high school without ever telling you how I feel. Mr. Michaels, I really…"

"Don't." It hurt to say; it hurt like nothing had in a very long time, but he had to. "Don't say that, Roxas. You'll only regret it someday if you say something like that."

Tears sprang into those blue eyes, but Roxas blinked and shook his head, rubbing them away with a bitter smile. "Fine. Fine, okay, I won't. Not right now. But I'll be back someday when you can't talk to me like I'm a kid anymore, and I'll tell you then. So just…" He looked up at Axel again, pleading. "Don't forget me, and don't fall in love with that guy. _Please._ "

 _Oh God, God!_ Axel wanted to kiss him. Wanted to grab him and hold him and tell him there wasn't anyone else, and then run off together like irresponsible kids and make out like Axel _was_ some kind of teenager—young, dumb, and in love. He definitely did _not_ want to say goodbye, and let Roxas go, and lose this moment forever. Because no matter what promises an 18-year-old made, Axel knew that within a year he'd have found someone new to make him forget all that. It was only just now, in this moment, that Roxas was really, truly a possibility for him—and he'd wanted this boy for so long, and if he sent him away now…that was it.

Everything in him wanted to kiss Roxas, and it wasn't even the rules or what people would think that stopped him. It was just…knowing that Roxas was still so young. Knowing this was best— _Give him a chance to get out there and see more of life. Let him finish growing up. He's going to be an amazing man, you always knew it, so just…let him go become that, and make someone very, very happy, like he was always meant to_.

"Your family is probably waiting, Roxas." It came out as a strangled whisper, but it was enough.

With a sniffly nod, Roxas left.

Axel crumpled into his desk chair when he'd gone, and buried his head in his hands, and swallowed hard, over and over, because he absolutely refused to cry.

~o~

That summer, Axel continued karate, dropped archery, and took up cooking and ballroom dancing. If that didn't make him sexy enough, he had an online French language course he could start any time, but he put that one off for now. Languages had never been easy for him.

He tried online dating, and learned a lot of things very quickly about what people said on the Internet versus what was true. "NSA" was a very loaded little acronym that could mean any number of things about the man in question. For Axel, it meant someone like Riku—unattached, clean, respectful, not into anything bizarre, just wanting something casual without expectations. Apparently, that wasn't what everyone else meant by it.

Axel was developing a long list of "weeding out" questions he had to ask before agreeing to meet up—things he would never have thought he needed to ask, but surprise surprise! It started with "Are you married?" and included "Are you tested and clean?" and ended with "Are you okay with vanilla?"

Using flavors to define boundaries was new to him. In college there had been handkerchiefs, but people didn't _talk about it_ quite so much. Axel didn't want to seem like a square, but he wasn't really interested in getting creative with a complete stranger. Not after what the first one thought "a little kinky" meant.

It didn't go very well. Axel was still looking when school started again.

It was viscerally shocking to walk back into that school and realize Roxas wasn't there.

A whole new set of faces—every year they were different, it was always the same. Axel tried to focus on some of the other good kids he'd met and taught, and he put a little extra into the ones who needed it, and he kept doing the tutoring program. He kept very busy and didn't think too much about things. The beginning of summer had been hard enough—a few occasions of breaking his no-drinking-home-alone rule, a few nights staying up all night watching movies with his cat in his lap because he couldn't sleep. He hadn't let himself act that way for long, but starting school again brought a lot of it back. He tried not to think about Roxas or wonder what Roxas was doing, how college was going, if he'd maybe come back for Homecoming… Those thoughts all got stamped out as soon as he noticed them, but the absence still ached a lot more in this environment.

Axel was so goddamn lonely.

It was fall, and he was on the brink of calling his parents and telling them he was straight now—a lie, obviously, but if he was going to be so cripplingly single, might as well use the absence of a boyfriend to get his judgmental family back for a while—when he met Reno.

His online profile didn't do his personality justice—Reno was a social butterfly, a bit airheaded, and kind of a dick. He fucked Axel in the bathroom of the restaurant on their first date, stole half his dessert, and left with a wink. Axel wasn't sure what to do with any of that, but Demyx's Christmas party was coming up, and after he saw Reno twice more and it was clear the guy was clean, agreeable to boundaries, and, well… _gregarious_ at least, Axel invited him along.

Reno charmed strangers—some of the prettier ones a little too well, perhaps—and utterly failed to impress Demyx, who could only grudgingly admit, "Well…he's not as bad as your last boyfriend."

"Think he'll ever let me top?"

"He hasn't?"

"He didn't ask what I wanted."

Demyx's eyes widened. "Oh." Then he studied Reno. "Maybe you should ask. Use strong wording."

Back at Axel's place, Reno just laughed in his face, very loud. "Oh, no no no no no no no! _You_ don't fuck _me_ , Princess. You get yourself a fleshlight if that's what you want. _I_ fuck _you_ , if I feel like it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, didn't I mention?" Quite cheerful, this one. "I fuck anyone I want to fuck. Ah, but _you_ don't fuck anyone else. That's the rule. That's the rule with Reno, yo!"

Axel's jaw might be gaping a little. "So…wait. You have sex with as many people as you want…while I'm not allowed to have sex with anyone but you?"

Reno gave him a "duh" face. "I like, _just_ said that."

"Um, no! That's not how this works!" Reno's expression didn't change. "Look, if you want an open relationship, that's fine, but it has to be open for _both_ of us! You don't have just one person being exclusive!"

"Whatever, yo. If you don't like it, you don't ride Reno. Fine with me."

Axel was just pissed enough to yell "Fine!" and kick Reno out. Unfortunately, when he calmed down and thought about it, he started rationalizing. _Well, you know, even though it was set up more fairly with Riku, in practical terms it wasn't that different. I don't have time for multiple sex friends, and Riku might very well have had lots of others. I never asked. So what did it really matter?_

The only material difference was that Riku was versatile and Reno wasn't. Apart from that, it was all personality.

So Axel called Reno back and told him he'd changed his mind, and resigned himself to an unfair set of rules just for the sake of not being completely single.

~o~

Time passed.

Summer came again. Another teacher asked him if he wanted to help out with the summer special ed program. The program got the kids out into structured activities, everything from life skills to job training to socialization practice, and sometimes they did field trips or something a little more academic. With the chemistry teacher on board, they could have lab days and do some very simple, harmless science experiments. Axel agreed because his classes, the gym, and the bar didn't quite fill up his time enough.

He cut down on the bar, kept up with the gym and karate—almost a green belt—and continued ballroom dancing, mostly just because men were in short supply in the class and he felt bad about quitting. He dropped cooking—he felt like he had a handle on it now. He didn't start French. No one would have been impressed.

He took great private delight in going to the beach in August and having one-night stands behind Reno's back, but he stopped when he came home again. There wasn't any lasting fun in being a cheater, even if it was only cheating on an asshole.

Reno stuck around for a little over two years before Axel had had enough and told him not to come back. Thankfully, it was infinitely easier than the last time—Reno just shrugged, said "Fine," and never came back.

Axel turned thirty.

He was still single, still estranged from his family, still living alone with his one-eyed cat. The good news, at least, was that he was getting better at keeping busy. The school year was always better—he had very little free time from September to June. And once he started adding in the summer programs for kids, he managed to make the summers pass quicker too. Apart from his thirtieth birthday, which he spent drunk and moping about being alone forever, he mostly started to forget to feel lonely. If he kept busy, he didn't have time for it, and he could start to forget that there was anything missing in his life. Especially right after Reno, the quiet time alone almost felt refreshing, even. Maybe this was what people called "taking some time for themselves."

So Axel took some time for himself, and then a little more time, and then he just gradually stopped thinking about it or caring. Sometimes, when he wasn't busy, he'd stop at the bar, and sometimes, when someone attractive hit on him, he'd sleep with them once.

And just like that, another year went by.

~o~

It was probably the best fall semester of Axel's career so far. No losers cluttering up his personal life—just a nice cat. Fewer trips to the bar, more group outings with Demyx and Zexion and their best friends and a friend or two they still saw from college. They'd formed a rather eclectic little group, and Axel spent most of his free time with actual _friends_ , now. They'd go bowling, get coffee. Sometimes go to a concert. It was nice.

The Christmas party was going to be much smaller this year—just the friends, really. Anyone who wanted to could always bring someone else along, but it didn't happen much. This year, they were all going to bake Christmas cookies on Christmas Eve, then eat them and get fat. This year, Axel and Demyx didn't have a furtive run-down of Axel's love life—they saw each other pretty often as it was, and Demyx wasn't trying to set him up with anyone at the moment.

Instead, they all baked cookies and smudged flour on each other, and Axel got into a long chat with one of the gang who was a social worker about their students with IEPs and the current and future direction of services for differently abled adults and what the public education system was doing and should be doing to help prepare them for that.

Axel agreed to pet-sit for his next-door neighbor over the school holiday, while they went to Disney. He took Cooper to his grooming appointment and got suckered into signing up for a half-price grooming session for Seesaw too. Seesaw was a very chill cat, she'd probably like it.

She freaked out like someone had lit her on fire.

The groomer was incredibly good at handling animals, but even she had to admit Seesaw was a challenge. Her fur coat was resplendent afterward, but Axel decided for that much hassle it wasn't worth it. And then school started again.

Adult life was so terribly _exciting_.

~o~

 **More A/N:**

Incidentally, I have to apologize a bit for the pacing here, y'all. When I wrote this story, there were originally no chapters, just the scenes with breaks between. I had to break up the whole thing into chapters. The breaks often worked out, but right around this general point in the story, there weren't as many obvious breaking-points. It's a transitional section. So for example, the graduation scene doesn't fit thematically with the other scenes, and the time jumps probably feel odd because most of the chapter is time jumping, which you should avoid doing when writing a chaptered story. :P Blegh. (Ideally, chapters should have a clearer focal point in time, and if you need to time jump you put that at the beginning or end of the chapter, where transitions go. Tips for smart writing.) ;) But we'll get through it! Axel's gotta get through that "life's just passing me by" phase. And Roxas is reaching an age when he starts taking action for himself. Hee. ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note:**

Bit on the short side, this, but hopefully sweet. :)

* * *

Two weeks into January, Axel was sitting at his desk running through emails and entering grades in the quiet of after-school when there was a knock on the doorframe. He glanced up to see a young man leaning against the door jamb. His heart stopped.

"Hey, Mr. Michaels."

 _No way. No way no way no way no way._

" _Roxas Martin?_ "

A slow, wide grin. Roxas pushed off the door jamb and strolled into the room. "I'm glad you remember me. I was worried you wouldn't."

"I… _yeah_ I remember you!" Axel stood up, dropping his reading glasses. "You're my favorite student!" He extended his hand without thinking, and then Roxas was shaking it, grip firm and warm and…and _real_. "What are you doing here, kid? Shouldn't you be in class?" _Or should he? He's not out of college already, is he? How many years has it been?_

"I _am_ in class," Roxas grinned. "I'm Mrs. Hamilton's student teacher this semester."

"You're a student teacher… _here?_ You got placed here?"

"I'm pretty lucky, right?" Roxas winked. "I already know my way around the building and everything. Except for all the _teachers-only_ areas. It's so weird that I'm allowed in the teachers' lounge now!"

"I'll bet." _That's not the only thing that's weird._ Axel couldn't quite peel his eyes off the young man in front of him. Roxas wasn't really any taller now than in high school, but he'd obviously matured. He'd grown into his own body, and his face was more angular—no more rounded features of childhood. His skin wasn't quite so smooth and hairless, and the idea of Roxas needing to _shave_ felt like Axel had suddenly been transported to an alien planet or a parallel dimension. He felt unsure of his footing, a little, and shifted back to sit on the edge of his desk, cross his arms, and shake his head.

"Just look at you—almost a college grad. And you've come this far and you still want to be a teacher?"

Roxas shrugged one shoulder, still smiling. "Well, Mrs. Hamilton keeps saying these next few months will be the real test of that—nothing in a college classroom can prepare you for being in charge of your own class, and so on. But yeah—I still want to teach. I think it'll be great." Then he pointed a thumb over his shoulder at the door. "Anyway, I've got to get back. I just had a free minute and I thought I'd say hi. I'll see you…at faculty meetings!" His expression seemed to say, _Crazy, huh?_

Completely agreeing, Axel answered, "Sure…good luck!"

Then, just before Roxas left, he paused in the doorway. "Oh—when do you have planning?"

Axel blinked. "First."

Roxas made a face. "Which lunch?"

"Third…"

That time, Roxas beamed. "Okay." Then he was gone.

~o~

Axel dropped his computer bag and materials on the coffee table when he got home, mechanically fed Seesaw, and wandered to the bathroom. Then he changed, still almost drifting through his home, but finally halted in front of the mirror. He peered at his face, then leaned closer and poked the skin of his forehead. Those creases weren't permanent, were they?

With a deep, deliberate breath, Axel forced his facial muscles to relax completely. His face smoothed out, but there were a few faint lines around his brow—furrows from staring at papers and grading for hours. At the first shift of his face into any expression, crinkles formed at the corners of his eyes. Those, at least, looked like laugh lines. His skin in general wasn't quite as firm and fresh as it used to be, and… Axel's eyes widened. Was that a _gray hair?_ It was, right at his temple…and now that he was looking, it wasn't the only one. He found six, and he pulled them all out.

When has this happened? When had he started to look so _old?_

 _Roxas came back._ Axel shuffled out to the couch and flopped down. Seesaw jumped up beside him and started washing her face. _He really came back. I can't believe it. He's probably…21 now, right?_ He looked down at Seesaw. "Young and gorgeous, with all his best years ahead. And I somehow got old and boring. I've got gray hairs and I'm talking to a cat."

Seesaw kept washing.

Axel stared out the window at the rapidly falling winter night. _He sure acts more grown up now._ There had been no mention of significant others—for either of them. Axel always sort of thought that if Roxas ever came back, he'd pounce immediately with some awkward question about whether Axel was single or not. And then Axel would have to think of a way to say he _was_ single without making it sound like he'd been waiting in a high tower for Roxas to come for him. Now that Roxas was back… _He was perfectly normal. Like meeting an old friend. Or…an old teacher._

Seesaw finished her wash and looked up at him. Axel pet her little cheeks. "College has been good to him. I knew it would be. In a couple months he'll be out of here again, off to start his career somewhere. All grown up. Maybe he'll ask me to write him a letter of reference. I might be in science, but it would still look good on his resume."

His hand fell still, and Seesaw looked up at him. "Meow?"

Axel stared at her and smiled thinly. "Yeah, I do. I really do."

~o~

Axel tried not to spend too long picking through his wardrobe the next day, but he couldn't help noticing that he basically didn't own any particularly good-looking clothes anymore. Shoved way in the back were his outfits from college—jeans and t-shirts he hadn't needed in years. Then there was the handful of shirts and the slightly nicer jeans for the bar, back when he went often, but most of what he owned boiled down to plain slacks, button-downs, and sweaters. Even a sweater vest or two. He hadn't devolved into the sloppy old science teacher _yet_ , but he certainly wasn't catching any eyes dressing like this.

Then he yanked on his slacks a little more viciously than necessary. _Good. You're not_ _ **trying**_ _to catch any eyes. Not at_ _ **school**_ _, anyway._

First period prep had its pros and cons. Axel generally preferred to have his planning period later in the day, to provide a break from classes, but he also felt like he got a lot more done this way. Before the day and its distractions got going, he could take care of things with a clearer head, and he was less likely to forget to make copies of something or get distracted with emails and waste ten precious minutes.

Not today. Today he had to run to the copier twice, and even though he didn't get as far as even _looking_ at his emails, he somehow felt like the whole period was a waste. And he was pretty sure _no one was going to stop by_ , but he glanced up at the door a thousand times anyway, and every _clunk_ from somewhere nearby sounded like a knock and made him jump. He was…a little out of it all morning.

Roxas showed up promptly at the beginning of Axel's lunch. "I don't need a pass anymore," he said with a little smirk. "Mind if I join you?"

Axel swallowed. "No, that's fine. Do you want to…go to the teacher's lounge? Get coffee?"

Plopping down at a table, Roxas held up a boxed salad. "I'm good. And you always ate in here, if I remember."

Reluctantly, Axel pulled out his sandwich. The door was ajar, but nobody was in the hall. The room felt suffocatingly private. "I just thought you'd like a chance to eat lunch there, after all this time."

With a little laugh, Roxas shook his head. "I got a look—turns out, it isn't as fancy as we used to imagine. Just a musty little room that smells like old coffee."

 _Yeah…that's why I never eat there._ Axel gave one last try. "I thought student teachers followed their co-ops around whenever possible. Shouldn't you be eating with Mrs. Hamilton? Discussing your classes?"

"She has a strict 'no-work-during-lunch' policy," Roxas answered. "Bad for the brain, people need time to relax, et cetera. I think she's glad to be rid of me—this is her period to gossip with the ladies. I got the feeling a college guy wasn't really wanted for their little chats." A cheerful little fully justified smile, and then Roxas started in on his salad, leaving Axel no remaining arguments—just a realization that he'd _been_ arguing, none too subtly either, and he should try to seem more welcoming and less evasive and definitely less _damn nervous._

So he smiled the biggest smile he could manage and said, "Well, it's great to have company for lunch again! So tell me about college!"

"It's college," Roxas answered, cheeky as hell.

Axel rolled his eyes. "No kidding. I mean, what courses have you taken, who with, and how have your grades been?"

Quite possibly the driest way to open a discussion of the college experience, but Roxas smiled slightly and allowed it. He launched into a run-down of his education classes and professors, some of whom Axel knew, and his English Lit classes and professors, none of whom Axel knew. "Professor Ansem remembers you," he mentioned after a while.

"Oh, Professor Ansem, how's he doing?"

"Still starts off his cognitive development classes with the same speech."

Axel snorted. "The one about how we're all a bunch of lazy idiots wasting our parents' money to party for four years, and the field of education is glutted with kids pretending they care about teaching, who will never survive their first year if they even get that far?"

"That's the one," Roxas grinned.

"Nice to know some of us are still proving him wrong."

Roxas contemplated a tomato on his fork. "I asked him if he'd had you. He didn't remember your name…"

"Naturally."

"…But when I described you, he recalled one of his morning classes that got very rudely interrupted by a desk falling over because two young men had slipped down underneath it during the lecture and were—"

"You know, I almost never attended his classes," Axel interrupted loudly. "Anyway, you still live on campus?"

Roxas grinned and ate his tomato. "Nope. Got an apartment with three other guys. All student teaching this semester, so we're all on the same schedule and nobody gets killed for playing loud music after nine."

"Good move." Then, Axel asked before thinking, "How do you know them? Friends?" _Shit_. _I didn't mean to sound like I was wondering if one of them was…_

But Roxas remained utterly calm. "The two math teachers were friends before. The other one and me—he's social studies—we didn't know them, but they advertised."

Nodding, Axel asked about Roxas' family then, only belatedly realizing that "the other one," Mr. Social Studies, might or might not have known Roxas before—that answer didn't reveal one way or the other if Roxas had been friends with him already…or maybe more than friends.

 _Don't think about that. None of your damn business._

Roxas' family was fine—not much to tell, there. Axel needed to think of something else to ask already, to keep the conversation going on these nice, safe tracks.

"Um, so…any idea where you want to teach next year?"

Blinking at him, Roxas slowly answered, "Well…it's January right now, so nobody's really posting jobs for next fall yet. Maybe in a couple months I'll be able to start getting applications out, but most people say that's more of a summer thing. Even when they know a teacher is retiring, they don't usually post the position until after the school year ends."

"Oh, yes. That's true."

"I hope I can get a job here, though."

It took a minute for the words to fully register. When they did, Axel looked up, eyebrows high. "Here? At your old high school? You want to teach here?"

A nod. Roxas was just looking at him, pretty eyes warm and smiling. Axel felt his stomach flip over. Then, as if it was nothing worth reading into, Roxas casually explained, "I may not have been big on school spirit when I was a student here, but looking at it now, especially in comparison to some of the schools I visited for classroom observations, this is a pretty nice place. And I have some connections here. It's definitely worth considering."

 _So it's not because…_ "I see. That makes sense."

Roxas glanced up at the clock. "Yeah…well, the bell's in five minutes, so I better get back." He stood. "Thanks for letting me eat here!"

"Sure, anytime," Axel answered as Roxas waved and vanished through the doorway. Then Axel snapped his mouth shut and started mentally kicking himself. _"Anytime"? You couldn't have automatically blurted out "no problem" instead? You had to imply an invitation to come back?_

Axel had a nagging gut feeling that Roxas would be back either way, but now he had an invitation to use as ammunition if Axel ever tried to evade him again. Looking ahead at the months remaining in the year, Axel had one word for his present situation— _stuck._

~o~

Without a word of excuse or explanation, Roxas was back for lunch again the next day. Axel asked him how his Christmas break had been.

Mostly gearing up for student teaching, but Roxas had done a creative writing workshop at the public library that lasted three days. It was a volunteer thing, free for kids in the community, mostly underprivileged. Their theme was "Adventures in the Snow," and they had a writing contest for each level—elementary and middle school. It sounded like a neat little event, and was apparently pretty well-attended. When Axel asked how Roxas ended up doing it, that lead into a description of his summer job after high school and between his freshman and sophomore years of college—volunteering at the library and putting together free literacy programs for kids. It wasn't really a _job_ job, it wasn't paid, but it went over great and Roxas still did events there from time to time.

It was fantastic resume material for a prospective English teacher.

That chat, and Axel's questions about the experience, took most of that lunch. Naturally, however, Roxas was back the very next day.

Still looking for neutral topics, Axel asked about Roxas' other summer jobs.

Well, the summer after sophomore year, he'd worked at a publishing company. He'd needed the money at that point, and he was hired mostly as a grunt, but he ended up working with the editorial staff a bit and putting his college grammar class to good use, and he'd even helped the acquisitions department—reading manuscript submissions and writing up summaries of their strengths and weaknesses. Axel had lots of questions, as he basically knew nothing about publishing, and that was another lunch well and professionally spent.

Working in publishing wasn't a bad application of an English teacher's skills, either. It certainly beat waiting tables.

The next day, Axel asked if Roxas had worked at the publishing company again this past summer. No, actually, Roxas had gone to _Mexico_ to teach English, again a volunteer thing. He was working on his ESL certification, and that had counted toward that, but it also just meant real-life experience that trumped any textbook course or certification. _Excellent_ on an English teacher's resume—and, Axel realized, possibly even better if you were applying to a school that needed an ESL class, but didn't have the funds for a full-time ESL teacher and didn't currently have anyone on staff who was qualified.

 _Like this school_.

By the end of the week, their lunchtime chats had made one thing quite clear to Axel—for having attended a run-of-the-mill college with a "just decent" education program, Roxas had found ways to make himself considerably more qualified than the average brand-new college grad. And, if one was an administrator at this particular school, Roxas was borderline _over_ qualified for their English department. They only real question was—would there be a position open?

 _Maybe…_ There were two English teachers who were approaching retirement age. Roxas had had both of them as a student. Neither one was quite there yet—both had a good few more years. But either one of them could decide to retire early. It was a little unlikely, but it was possible.

~o~


	10. Chapter 10

Saturday was brunch with Demyx, and Axel _really_ didn't want to talk about Roxas. Demyx might remember the name—probably not, but _he might_. And Axel knew there was no way for him to just say, "So that kid I had in class as a student teacher is now a student teacher himself at my school, funny how time flies, ain't it?" He could be as nonchalant as Seesaw, pointedly sitting by her empty bowl but not _fussing_ about it. It wouldn't matter. Demyx would see right through him, just as easily as Axel figured out his cat, and then the whole story would come due. Axel had made it this far without mentioning just how much he'd seen of Roxas in the years after he and Demyx split, and that kid he _hadn't been obsessed with_ had come out, and had a major crush on Axel during his senior year, and there _might_ have also been an incredibly inappropriate kiss. Once.

No, Demyx had no idea about any of that, but if Axel so much as mentioned Roxas, he would know something was up. He sort of knew anyway—he was watching Axel a little too closely. Axel was trying to act normal, but it _had_ been the most monumental week in the last few years. Maybe he was looking a little shaken up.

"So what's going on with you?" Demyx finally asked, in a tone that carried that little spot of suspicion, like Demyx expected there to be something going on, he just didn't yet know if he was going to have to dig for it or not.

Axel knew better than to say "nothing." Nothing was a dead giveaway like _nothing_. "Oh, you know. January. Still trying to get the kids to come down from their Christmas sugar highs."

"It's been three weeks," Demyx snorted, some of his suspicion possibly— _maybe_ —diffusing.

"Well, okay, not the sugar highs anymore. Just—January. It's hard to motivate them this time of year. I'm looking for new chem labs I can do—something that'll turn out interesting but still fit with the curriculum standards."

"Oh, those curriculum standards," Demyx teased. "Always limiting the amount of time you can spend blowing shit up."

They chatted about everyday things, what Demyx and Zexion were up to, and Axel was just hoping to get out of here scot-free when Demyx asked, "You went to the bar last weekend, right?"

"…Yeah." He had, actually, for the first time since November. He'd totally forgotten.

"Any luck?"

"Nope." That, too, was true. It had been a slow night.

Demyx sighed, and that Look started to reappear—the _worried_ one. Axel knew what was coming. "Have you tried revising your dating profile, like I suggested?"

Axel shrugged, which was a _no_. Demyx had lately taken it into his head that Axel's online dating would be more productive if he didn't proclaim that he was looking for NSA hookups. Demyx wanted him to start looking for _long-term commitment_ and _romance_ , and to revise his profile accordingly. Maybe be open to guys with kids, uncheck that box and broaden the possibilities. Widen the age range. Don't be so picky and strictly sex-only.

"Are you going to try to tell me you're 'still not ready' again?" Demyx sighed. "Because Axel, it's been years since the last boyfriend disaster. And we're in our _thirties_ now. You _are_ ready, trust me. You just need to stop telling yourself that you're not."

"It just…feels lame," he mumbled into his coffee. They'd been over that too—Axel could deal with online dating as long as it was just for sex, but he felt pathetic filling out a profile for anything more. He felt like a loser begging for love because in real life he was a fuckup. Demyx had argued quite strongly against that, but the fact remained that in real life, Axel's relationships had all been sort of disastrous, so even if _people_ weren't losers for finding love online, Axel still felt like _he_ would be. "And really…no kids. I can't start a relationship with kids in the picture, I'm a freaking _teacher_. Kids are my _job_. If I date someone, I'll need a while before I'm ready for that step."

"Fine," Demyx sighed again. "But you need to just bite the bullet and do it, change your profile. If it's embarrassing, get over yourself. Think about how much it'll matter if it works! If you find love, are you really gonna look back in five years and think, 'Man, I can't believe we met online, how sad'?" Demyx pointed at him with his biscotti. "No! You'll just be happy you're with him, end of story!"

"And when people ask how we met…"

Eyes rolling, Demyx answered, "You can _lie_ , Axel. The two of you can come up with one of those adorable, implausible stories that people will just eat up. Like you met at the grocery store when one of you slipped on some spilled juice and fell into the other one's arms, or you went to high school together and then fifteen years later bumped into each other while you were both on vacation in Hawaii and then spent the whole vacation together and fell in love and then you found out you actually live in the same town a block away from each other! There, problem solved."

"Perfect." Axel made a face. "The next time I need a crappy rom-com written, I'll ask you first."

Ignoring him, Demyx asked, "What's your age range set at again?"

Axel picked at his pancakes. "Um…twenty-five to thirty-five, I think."

Demyx frowned thoughtfully. "You could go a _little_ older. Forty, at least. Maybe even fifty?"

Shoving a big forkful of food in his mouth, Axel delayed answering for a minute. Then, finally, he swallowed and muttered, "What about…younger?"

"Oh ew," Demyx groaned. "Don't. Not 'eighteen to thirty-five,' Axel, seriously. Don't be that guy." Then he added, "That never says _I actually do want a relationship_ , anyway. Everyone who puts that is just after sex and lying about it. At least you've been honest so far."

"Not _eighteen_ ," Axel grumbled. He'd proven to himself, at least, that that was too young for him—three years ago. "Just…under twenty-five."

"If he's still going to classes and he can't legally order wine on your first date, it's icky. _Thirties_ , Axel, remember. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you're not a twenty-something anymore."

"What if he can drink? What if he's twenty-one, and maybe out of college?" _Or will be in a couple months…_

"Well, it would be…okay, I guess, but barely. I mean, remember when we were that age? We had _no_ life experience, we hadn't faced hard times yet, we didn't know how to deal with that stuff…" This was something they had discussed, more recently, though not in depth. It had been more of a mutual admission that they had both been young and immature and probably wrong for each other, and that was why they fell apart. "We were still kids in a lot of ways, Axel. Just with more independence and a couple more experiences than four years before."

Axel had thought about this already, not that he wanted to admit it or look too closely at the reasons why. "Yeah, _we_ were…but maybe that was just _us_. You remember how many people were getting engaged senior year? How many from our class got married or moved in together the summer after graduation? It's not uncommon, and within a couple years they're starting families. Just because my life hasn't gone at that pace—and maybe yours too—doesn't mean there aren't some twenty-one-year-olds who are a lot more grown up than you'd think."

He was still picking at his food, so Axel didn't notice any significance to the silence right away. It was only when the pause began to lengthen and he looked up that he saw the piercing look in Demyx's bright eyes. _Oh shit._

"You're talking about someone specific." It wasn't a question. "You have someone in mind."

The best response would be confusion, but Axel forgot this time and only remembered after he'd choked out an "Uh, no, what makes you say _that_?" Defensiveness was a dead giveaway, and denial was only worse.

The answer was quiet, but not at all uncertain. If anything, a little impatient. "Because I just know, Axel, now tell me who we're talking about here."

"You're pulling this out of your ass," Axel weakly tried.

"I know how you talk when you're thinking out loud and I know when you've already thought something through and put your ideas in order and you've never been any good at lying to me anyway, so just tell me." Demyx leaned forward on his elbows. "Who is this twenty-one-year-old you're interested in, who might be mature enough to make up for a ten-year age gap, and where did you meet him?"

"Nine and a half years," Axel gritted through his teeth. Demyx just pointed.

"Ha! Yeah, I knew it. Spill."

Axel cursed his luck, the sky, the sea, the heavens and the earth and all his damned stars, but really, it wasn't surprising. He should be grateful he managed to hide it _this_ long.

"Look, I don't want to talk about it much. It's probably nothing. But…let's just say _what if._ " He wrapped his hands around his too-hot coffee mug. "Let's say there's a student teacher…"

"Oh my _God._ "

" _What?_ You asked!"

"A _student._ "

"A student _teacher! Student teacher Demyx_ , there's a major goddamn difference!"

"A student teacher is still a student, and you're still the teacher, and…"

"He's not _my_ student teacher, I don't have one! He's _a_ student teacher at school."

"So he's older than a high schooler and you're not his teacher—he's still there to _learn_ , Axel. It would be really unprofessional at the very least."

"But it wouldn't be _wrong_ ," Axel pointed out firmly. "He's not underage, and I'm not in charge of him in any way."

Another sigh. "So what's the deal? Tell me about him."

"There's nothing even to tell," Axel grunted. "It's just a hypothetical situation. _Say_ there was a student teacher—not my student. Say he's twenty-one—old enough to drink. He'll graduate soon, and really, he's not in _classes_ , per se, anymore. He's in a pre-work environment. Like…training. And they can't exactly make any rules forbidding inter-faculty relationships. There are a few married couples within the faculty and staff. The front office secretary is married to a school board member, the assistant principal's husband is a teacher and coach. They moved away, but the ninth grade science and twelfth grade social studies teachers were married too."

"Doesn't really matter, does it, when a student teacher isn't technically on the faculty?"

Axel rolled his eyes. _Big deal_.

"And how does any of this matter? You're not _out_ at work. Is he? I'm assuming he's not straight."

"Well, it would be worthless to even think about this if he _was_. No, I know. And he's…I think he's keeping quiet too, which is smart, but there have been some changes in personnel over the years. I've been thinking that maybe in a couple more years, after I get tenure, I might finally come out at school."

"But that's in a couple years, Axel. This kid won't be around that long. We're talking about right now."

Axel decided not to mention Roxas' wish to stick around. "I just…I don't think it would be _wrong_. I know the age gap isn't ideal, but I think I could get past it."

"What about him?" Demyx asked—never one to miss the question Axel least wanted to answer. "You think he's okay with you being that much older? You sure he's interested?"

And that was the big question, wasn't it? Once, Axel could have laughed and said _Yeah, pretty sure he's interested_. Now? Roxas had not even mentioned what had passed between them almost four years ago. He had behaved like a completely normal former student, now grown up and meeting on adult terms—all perfectly friendly and professional. And Axel had expected him to meet someone younger and better for him in college since before Roxas even _went._ And now here they were again, only Axel had gray hair and sort-of wrinkles and dressed like an old bore. Even if Roxas didn't have a college boyfriend, so what? He was young and hot and could take his pick.

So Axel didn't have an answer, or even a guess. So instead he said, "I can't exactly _say_ anything, can I? If he took it badly, I could be in deep shit."

"You know what? There's your answer." Demyx set his coffee down with a firm _clunk_. "If it's not safe to ask him out because of what might happen if you're rejected, then you shouldn't ask."

Axel dropped his fork, no longer interested in swirling patterns into his syrup. "I hate it when you're right."

"Yeah. Now change your profile settings and get a real boyfriend. A _grown up one._ "

~o~

The second week was worse than the first.

Roxas kept showing up for lunch, and Axel was almost out of safe topics to ask about. He tried asking how classes were going so far, but Roxas explained that he was mostly just assisting Mrs. Hamilton with the second half of the unit she'd started the kids on after Christmas. College schedules being a little different and all, Roxas was coming in two weeks after school resumed, and he'd be leaving about three weeks before the year ended. So Mrs. Hamilton was mostly in charge, and she'd be handing things over to Roxas sometime in early February. Ergo—not much to tell at this point.

Axel volunteered a little about his own classes this year, for Roxas' benefit, but he was teaching eleventh graders and Roxas had tenth, so there weren't even many students they both had and could discuss, aka gossip about.

Roxas was starting to sneak in a few questions of his own.

"So, do you still do karate and archery?"

He made every effort to keep his answer brief and simple. But Roxas had more questions, especially about karate, considering that Axel was, in fact, still doing that. He was a blue belt, testing for purple soon, so Roxas had to know all about the rankings and what he learned and if he competed. Axel didn't compete, really, because his schedule usually didn't allow it.

"Aww, really? That's a shame. Let me know if you ever do, though, I'd love to come watch."

Not sure what to make of that, Axel just made a noncommittal noise.

"Does your family live around here?"

 _Oh dear._

"Um, yes…but it doesn't make much difference."

Roxas looked confused. "What? Why?"

 _This is getting too damn personal…_ But at the same time, it wasn't. It was "how's the family?" One of the most basic, entry-level questions in the book.

"They don't speak to me. Not since college. Since I, um, came out."

Comprehension dawned, and with it shock and pain. "Oh my God, I had no idea. You always said it was a secret, but…"

"Here, yes. And with them too, I guess, until they found out."

"What happened?"

Axel _really_ didn't want to answer that—definitely too personal. Maybe he could say as much… But then again, this was the kid who had come out to him in high school. Who had _trusted him first._ Who he'd long been a mentor and role model for, especially in this.

 _Ugh, damn it._

"A little after we graduated, they found out that my roommate wasn't…just my roommate. And, you know—not much to tell. They weren't okay with it, they wanted me to break up with him, I refused, they sort of disowned me. That's pretty much how we left it."

The shadow of unhappiness in Roxas' eyes was heavy and unmistakable. "And your…boyfriend?"

"Oh, he's not. I mean, we lasted a little longer, but we've been broken up for years and years, now."

"Oh. Shortly after college?"

 _Find a way to change the subject._ "Yeah, he was my college boyfriend, mostly. He found another guy and they've been living together ever since. We're actually all friends now, so it worked out." Axel smiled. _There._

"So he's…not the one you were with four years ago?"

 _Shit_.

It was the first time "four years ago" had come up in any concrete fashion. Axel didn't want to talk about four years ago, when Roxas' pining blue eyes followed him everywhere, when _graduation_ happened. And he didn't want to talk about his love life. This was hot fucking water and he needed _out_.

"Nope." Axel looked at the clock. _Oh thank God._ "Oh, whoops—five minutes till the bell. I need to run to the copier quick before my next class." He stood and started rifling through papers to find the right one. "See you tomorrow?" _Shit, shit. Don't_ _ **invite him back**_ **.**

A small smile. "Yeah. Have a good rest of the day, Mr. Michaels."

~o~


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note:** I think we're up to 2005 or 2006 in the story? I'm bad at math. XD

Guest: BAW well, welcome home! Thanks for coming back. :)

Mimi: LOL I think we'll keep it light on the angst for this one. XD

Thank you both!

* * *

Axel dreaded the next conversation. He didn't know what Roxas would ask next, he didn't know what he would say, and he didn't know if he _wanted_ Roxas to be curious or not in the first place.

As it turned out, although Roxas did continue to ask about his personal life, he dropped the subject of Axel's love life. And then Axel mentioned Seesaw, in passing, and Roxas blinked in surprise.

"You have a cat?" He smiled with a funny look. "A cat named Seesaw?"

So Axel told the story of how the one-eyed cat showed up at his door and made him adopt her, and Roxas beamed. "I have a cat too! Well, sort of."

Axel jumped at the topic that wasn't about _him_. "Sort of?"

"My roommates took in a stray, kind of like yours. He was a kitten last fall, but he's getting bigger now. There's this deal we all have—when we graduate and get our own places, we all have to look for a place where we can have a pet. The first one to succeed keeps him, and if no one manages it, he's my responsibility. He sort of likes me best, so everyone figures he's mostly mine."

"What's his name?"

Roxas grinned. "Well, Ven named him Paul," Ven, Axel had learned, was the social studies teacher, "but then his niece visited us around the holidays, and she's three. So she called him 'Paw-Paw,' and that sort of morphed into 'Paul-Paw.' We also call him Paul-Paul and Poppa, but mostly I call him Paul-Paw."

Shaking his head, Axel smiled. "So between us we have two former strays called Seesaw and Paul-Paw."

Eyes wide and excited, Roxas took a deep breath. "Oh! That sounds like a duo in a children's book series! _The Adventures of Seesaw and Paul-Paw—_ that's great!"

"What adventures would Seesaw and Paul-Paw have?" _He's so beautiful like this._

"Mmmm." Roxas chewed on his fork, staring upward with a big smile. "I don't know. We'd have to introduce them and see what happens."

Axel hesitated, unsure what to say to that. If Roxas were a man he was flirting with in the bar, it would be an easy _"Yeah, bring him over. How's this weekend work for you?"_ He hadn't actually used "our cats are having a play-date" as an excuse for sex, but it was plausible and obvious and would work on just about anyone.

Mercifully, the bell rang—they'd lost track of time. Roxas had to hurry to get back to class, calling a "see you tomorrow!" over his shoulder.

~o~

Early the next week, Roxas showed up for lunch mid-conversation with the basketball coach, who was apparently walking the same way and chatting as they went. Axel heard them part ways as Roxas turned into his room, the coach calling after him, "You can buy me lunch to thank me when she says yes!"

"Will do!" Roxas cheerfully answered, waving. His smile dissolved into a grimace as he looked at Axel. "So apparently I'm going out with Namine this weekend."

Axel blinked. "The special ed teacher's aide?"

Eyes rolling, Roxas shrugged. "It won't be a problem." Then he sat down and cheerfully opened his usual salad. "Do other teachers try to set you up often?"

Faltering, Axel thought about it—but the answer wasn't complicated. He mostly took a moment to wonder if this was going somewhere he should be nervous about. Not that it mattered—he was nervous anyway. That happened, whenever Roxas walked in the room.

"I guess they did when I was younger. I think some of the meddlesome ones would still try, but there's no one 'eligible' for me now. I'm too old for all the young single ladies." Then he glanced furtively at Roxas. "So they're setting you up with Namine. Do they…not know?"

Roxas easily answered, "I remembered what you said about the bosses here and took a page from your book. Fielding a few dates with girls isn't so hard."

"When you were a student, though…"

"Yeah, but I don't think most of the faculty knew. A lot of them heard there was a gay senior, but it was probably just a student rumor to them, and if they didn't know me, they didn't know who it was. Of the few teachers who did know for sure, two are gone, one is _you_ , and the rest…I think they just forgot, actually." He shrugged. "Nobody has mentioned it yet, and if it hurts my chances of getting hired here, it's not worth making a point of telling."

"There are other schools—bigger ones in more populated areas, mostly—where you could be out and no one would care…"

Roxas shook his head. "I don't care about hiding it. They'll come around here, eventually. And really, I'd rather be here for that—be a trailblazer, help shape people's opinions—rather than just be accepted by those who already know how to accept. That might be the easier way for _me_ , but it really doesn't change anything."

"That's…sort of an inspiring outlook," Axel commented, throat feeling a little tight. _Never stop being incredible…I knew you were special, I always knew, and I just…_

Roxas grinned. "It's familiar though, right?" At Axel's confused look, he added, "It's what you've been doing for years. I'm just following in your footsteps."

He didn't mean to, but Axel couldn't quite help the slightly bitter laugh that escaped him when he realized what Roxas was saying. "I hate to break it to you, kid, but I didn't become a teacher here to revolutionize people's thinking. I was desperate for a job because my bills weren't getting paid, and I took the first offer I got, and I stayed…" _Well, why did you? You could have applied elsewhere._ "Because it was easier." _And_ _ **you**_ _were here._

 _But then he left. And you still stayed._

Axel stopped himself before he could start remembering _graduation_ , and a teenager's promise to come back some day…

"Hmm." Roxas studied him. "So would you rather be out?"

That knee-jerk instinct to back off this topic started kicking in again. Axel hummed evasively. "Well, I _am_ , mostly. Outside of work. It's just here. I'd sort of prefer it, I guess, but I don't feel like I'm living a lie much, because I'm pretty sure most of the people I see regularly wouldn't care. I don't mind lying to the bosses—they're basically strangers. Then again, I shouldn't _have_ to… It's a little annoying, I guess."

Only after telling his sandwich most of that did Axel look up and notice Roxas just staring at him, eyes thoughtful—emotional, too, though Axel wasn't sure what emotion, exactly. "You're so laid-back about it," he commented quietly.

"Mm," Axel grunted, then arched an eyebrow. "You and Namine have fun this weekend, yeah?"

"All right," Roxas smiled, then, and shrugged. "Touché."

They returned to less personal topics after that, and for the next few days as well, although Roxas continued to ask about Axel's hobbies and friends and other things that weren't connected to their professional environment. Of course, as Axel found out on Thursday, school-related conversations could be trouble, too.

"It's funny," Roxas commented, munching his salad. "Whenever I meet another teacher and they introduce themselves, the women all give their first and last names, 'Hi, I'm Ann Greenberg,' like that. And the men are all just, 'Nice to meet you, I'm Carl,' and 'Welcome to Plainfield High, I'm Jeff.' So I end up calling the ladies 'Ms. So-and-So' and the men by their first names. And I have no idea which one I'm supposed to be going with. Is there a rule for student teachers?" Roxas cocked his head, just slightly, and smiled. "Am I supposed to call you _Axel_ now?"

Throat suddenly dry, Axel took a gulp of his iced tea. "Um." Then he got stuck wondering what to say. In the end, after blinking a few times, he suggested, "I guess it's sort of a transitional phase. You can use first names with the people you're most comfortable with, until you get your first full-time position. Then you start to use first names as a rule. Oh, but not so much in front of the students, so that helps ease you into things as well. At least, that's kind of how it went for me."

"Well, I'm pretty comfortable with _you_ …" Roxas smiled broadly. "I _have_ known you for ten years." Then he hummed. "On the other hand, that's ten years of you being _Mr. Michaels_ to me. Feels kind of weird to call you _Axel_ now."

 _But you've always been Roxas to me…_

And every time Roxas said his name, Axel's neck prickled. "Makes sense," he replied, trying not to mumble.

"You don't mind, though, do you?" His pretty blue eyes were a little wide—inquisitive. It reminded Axel of the 12-year-old, just for a moment. He cleared his throat.

"No, but I do feel the impulse to give you detention, so watch out for that." He grinned weakly, trying to make this more lighthearted than it felt. Because it _felt_ like hot pressure building up inside him every time he heard Roxas say his name, and at this rate, he might do something _really_ stupid.

"I'll be careful," Roxas grinned, picking up his empty lunch box. "Well, see you tomorrow… _Axel_."

 _Oh my God. Kill me now._

Axel didn't see Roxas the next day, however. It snowed that night, and school was cancelled. He spent the whole weekend trying not to hear Roxas' voice speaking his name.

~o~

On Monday, things were a little chaotic after the unexpected long weekend. Axel had more students than usual asking when this or that was due, and he was still in the halls writing last-minute passes to kids who were going to be late when Roxas showed up for lunch, a little gaggle of girls following him. Axel gave them all a Look. "Where are you ladies supposed to be headed?"

"We're fine, Mr. Michaels, we have a pass to the music room!" one answered quickly, beaming.

"Bye Mr. Martin!" another giggled. They waved. Roxas smiled and waved back, then turned into Axel's room with eyes rolling in fond exasperation.

"I feel like kids are bolder than they were when I was one," he chuckled. Axel headed for his closet to pull out his own lunch.

"You're still one, kid." But maybe Roxas didn't hear that. Axel said it very quietly.

"But I guess high schoolers get crushes, don't they?"

Axel heard something in that tone that made his stomach turn into a rock—a rock that was not interested in food anymore. He turned back and, yes, that was the tone that meant Roxas was watching him. Standing by a desk, watching. Axel returned with his lunch in hand, slowly. "That's adolescence, yeah."

Roxas' fingers trailed over the desk. He tipped his head back a bit, and Axel tried not to notice the line of his throat. "I guess it's not that rare—students having crushes on their teachers."

"You get used to it." God, his voice was so raspy, he needed a drink…

"How many has it been for you?"

For a moment, Axel was stuck. Then he shook his head, shrugging. "Don't know. I stopped…paying attention." In fact, there had been a few girls. But as far as any that counted…

 _Just you_.

Roxas glanced down at his fingers, his tone suddenly nonchalant. "Hey, remember graduation?"

 _Fuck. Graduation._

Axel hadn't quite made it behind his desk, but he was stuck now. He had a grip on the solid edge of it and didn't want to try walking any further. Especially with his computer cable to step over—that wasn't going to work, he'd trip for sure.

"You know, every day since then I've doubted myself, but just for a split second there, I really thought you kissed me back." Blue eyes came up and locked on to his face, and Axel couldn't breathe. Roxas waited, but Axel's mind was blank. He had nothing. Then Roxas stepped around the desk toward him. "You were pretty clear about rejecting me, though—but I couldn't stop remembering. And wondering. What if I was right? What would that mean?"

"Roxas, this…" He cleared his throat, but it didn't make his voice any stronger. His words came out in a whisper. "Really isn't appropriate for…"

Another step closer. "I'm not a kid anymore, Mr. Michaels. I've given you three weeks to realize that." His hand came up…brushed Axel's arm. Axel shivered, his whole body. "I told you I was coming back to tell you how I felt. Well…I'm back. And I'm really hoping you're not still with that boyfriend of yours, because I love you and I always have."

Axel shut his eyes. He couldn't take that deep, sincere gaze anymore. "I'm not… You can't…"

"Yes, I can. I do." Roxas shifted that last little bit closer and murmured, "I've been waiting years, wondering if you cared at all. Now I'm gonna find out. I'm going to kiss you, Mr. Michaels."

That wasn't fair at all. In fact, it was so unfair that all Axel could do was be unfair right back, and despite Roxas' declaration, it was Axel who leaned down suddenly, hands on Roxas' face, cupping his head, pulling him into a deep, desperate kiss.

And Roxas _definitely_ kissed back.

Roxas' lips felt heavenly, and he tasted like _relief_ , and Axel panted into this boy's mouth and shuddered and kissed him with years' worth of wanting, and every ounce of intensity was matched. Roxas' hands covered his and squeezed, then pushed them higher and Axel's hands were in Roxas' hair, clutching beautiful, soft blond. He felt and heard a soft little moan as Roxas moved his hands to Axel's waist and _pulled,_ his hands climbing around to Axel's back and then up, pressing every inch of them together with a strength no child would have had. Not that any child would have known how to kiss like _this_. It was frenzied but purposeful, and it was taking Axel apart.

The only way to stop was to break away gasping for air, which they did, but Roxas didn't go far—his mouth immediately snuck in under Axel's chin and started kissing his throat as Roxas sweetly murmured between kisses, "I knew it. Knew I was right. Oh God, this was worth it…worth every minute…knew you would be… _mmmm_ , please tell me you're single…"

Stunned into honesty, Axel just blinked at the ceiling. "I'm single."

He felt Roxas' lips stretch in a smile. "Okay. Good." Then Roxas pulled back enough to look up at him, lips tracing Axel's chin as he reached higher for his mouth again. "Be mine," he whispered, and the second kiss was slow, sensual _luxury_. All Axel could do was give in.

They kissed like lovers, and it was stunning. Axel barely remembered what it was like, kissing someone with so much _feeling_. Sensing the emotions under the electric tingle of desire, feeling it in every touch as Roxas' hands moved over his shoulders, his arms, up to his face, into his hair—always holding him, always touching tenderly. It had been _so long_ since he'd felt this way. Axel's chest felt painfully tight, but he just kept kissing Roxas and holding him close, tasting him and trembling with happiness, nothing in his head but an endless _yes_. Yes to this, to Roxas, to everything he needed and wanted and ached for.

The sound of a door opening and voices from down the hallway snapped him back into reality. Axel pulled back with a jerk, eyes wide. Roxas blinked at him, eyes lost and startled for a moment, before Axel remembered how to move and crossed swiftly to the door. Once it was shut, he leaned back against it with a sigh, feeling the cold sweat of fear on his skin as his body caught up with the mental shock.

Roxas, however, seemed to think that with the door shut all was right with the world again, and he approached with a smile on his face, reaching for Axel.

"Roxas, stop." That barely made him hesitate. "Listen, this is a bad idea, okay? Sooner or later you'll…"

"Hey." A frown. "Could you stop trying to tell me how I feel?" He sounded more wounded than angry. "Doesn't it mean anything to you that it's been four years and I _still_ feel this way about you?"

"It's…four years isn't as long as you think it is…" He meant that, in one sense—nothing much had changed in his life in the past four years, which made the whole sum of that time feel about as significant as a week would have when Axel was in high school. But on the other hand, four years could be _forever_.

 _Four years without him in my life…_

Roxas sighed. "I get that you're older than me, okay? I really do. I know that you have a different point of view on life, and that's okay with me. But you're treating this like I'm still a kid with a puppy-love crush I just haven't let go of." Roxas stepped closer and took his hands. "Will it help if I tell you I've had boyfriends these past four years? I wasn't sitting around in self-denial trying to prove my devotion. I dated. I _tried_. I met guys my own age and it was fun, but it was never _right._ " He bit his lip. It was oddly adorable. "I wasn't even sure myself if I would still have these feelings for you once I saw you again. I'd half convinced myself that it was all an illusion, that my memories were exaggerated." Hands slid up his arms and looped behind Axel's neck. "And then I met you again, and talked to you, and I just _know_. It's not some forbidden crush. I want a real relationship with you, Axel."

He shivered. Closed his eyes. Opened them again and told himself to pull Roxas' arms away—but he didn't. "It's not just that I'm older. There's _ten years_ between us, Roxas. I remember you when you were twelve!" Axel rubbed his forehead, Roxas pulling back slightly. "I can't help that, okay? No matter how old you get, I'll always remember you as a child. I can't…think about you this way with those memories in my head!"

With obvious concern, Roxas placed a hand on his face and drew Axel's gaze to his. "I see." He studied Axel a moment, then carefully answered, "I think if you'd stop _trying_ to remember me as a child, you'd have fewer problems with that."

"What?"

Roxas' thumb brushed his cheek. "I think you keep reminding yourself of that memory because it's the best way you have to drive a wedge between us. You knew I liked you when I was underage, right? That's probably why you started doing that, and now you still are, but you can _stop_ , seriously. Just…look at me _now_." Roxas stepped back, spreading his arms. "Stop focusing on the memories and look at the person who is here, right now, asking you to give me a chance. Do I look like a kid?"

"…No."

No, he didn't. Axel didn't need another look to confirm that, but it was hard not to indulge. Roxas was a gorgeous young man. If they'd met at the bar or pretty much anywhere else…

A little smile. "You just need some time, I think." Then Roxas was close again, and God, he smelled good. "The more familiar you get with grown-up me, the harder it will be to remember me as a kid."

Unsure how to argue with that, Axel hesitated. "How'd you figure all this out?" he mumbled, finally.

"Psych classes," Roxas grinned, winking.

He laughed weakly. "Getting a minor in psychology for some reason?"

"Counseling," Roxas corrected. "So I meet the requirements for grad work. I can get a master's and be qualified as a guidance counselor if teaching doesn't work out."

Axel stared. "You've been…busy." He thought about his own time in college. Not that it had been all parties all the time, but he'd gotten his degree and been content with hourly jobs and sometimes intramural sports and that was about it. "You've worked really hard."

"I had this teacher who inspired me." A sweet smile, and an even sweeter kiss—which Axel did nothing to resist.

 _He's going to be so disappointed when he finds out what I'm really like._ Old, boring, no accomplishments, a string of failures in his personal life— _He'll lose interest._

His fears were by no means gone, but Axel couldn't focus on them at the moment—not with Roxas kissing him again and again, pressing him back into the door in a way that reminded Axel what it felt like to be 21 and really, really hot for somebody.

~o~

 **More A/N** : Merry Christmas! :D


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note:** Re: to "Long Time Fan" and " " - thanks, glad you're enjoying it! And yes, stuff from AO3 will be posted over here soon.

* * *

Roxas didn't bring a salad the next day; he had a protein shake in hand, tossing it up and catching it nonchalantly as he strolled into Axel's room…turned, and shut the door.

Then Axel was being pulled in with a smile and eagerly kissed, and every time he tried to slow things down enough to stop and actually eat lunch, Roxas would do something cute and they'd be on each other again, making out like hormonal kids.

The bell rang, and Roxas cracked open his "lunch" and started drinking it on his way back to class. Axel crammed down half his sandwich, made himself a little sick, and brought a protein shake the next day—just in case.

After that, they _both_ started living on protein-shake lunches. And every day Axel had his arms full of Roxas for most of the lunch period.

He tried to keep his hands in respectable places, but that went out the window in no time, too. He'd been slowly sliding his hands down Roxas' back, lower and lower, and he'd _forced_ himself to stop at the small of his back, right above his ass. But Roxas arched forward, gasping, twisting a little and panting, "Tease," in a voice that shook. His hands were on Axel's hips, gripping tight, and Axel felt them shaking as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm down. Then Roxas leaned back up, and his voice suddenly got really…low and growly, like Axel didn't know it _could_. "Don't give me detention for this, okay?" Then his tongue was in Axel's mouth again as his hands slid back and smoothed over the seat of Axel's slacks.

He didn't grab—he was nice. But Axel groaned, "Fuck," into Roxas' mouth, and then he touched too—and he _did_ grab. Roxas whimpered, and they kissed wildly until they needed to breathe again, and through half-open eyes Axel caught sight of Roxas' face and stopped, blinking. Roxas' eyes were wide and thrilled, his face flushed.

"What?"

Roxas licked his already wet lips. "I've never heard you cuss before."

"Oh." _Well, yeah. Not in front of the students…_

"Do it again."

"Huh?"

Roxas grinned. "Swear. Say all the four-letter words. Say them _for me_ —say them because I'm _making_ you say them."

Axel was torn between a blush and a grin, and maybe a bit of a wince as well. "Asshole," he mumbled, but it was affectionate. Roxas beamed. "You want to do this in the boys' bathroom, too? Maybe behind the bleachers? And steal gum from the convenience store and sneak into R-rated movies?"

Roxas was laughing. "Nope." He lifted a finger to pet Axel's nose. "I've got other games I can play if I want to be _naughty…Mr. Michaels._ "

"Oh God, don't call me 'teacher,'" Axel warned, horrified. "At least…" He laughed a little too, giddy. "Not yet, anyway. Maybe when you're fifty."

"Mmm." Roxas kissed him, smiling. "Thirty years of stealing gum, instead? I think they'll catch on to us."

"Yeah, they…" Axel broke off as Roxas pressed close— _really_ close. Their hips didn't quite line up, due to height differences, but… " _Shit!_ "

Heavy-lidded blue eyes, and Roxas moaning into his mouth. " _Fuck yes_ …"

Five minutes later, someone knocked on Axel's door.

That was how Axel ended up trying to fix his hair and somewhat rumpled clothing in a panic, well aware that if anyone saw both him and Roxas here, behind a closed door, looking like this…

Roxas ducked behind the door as Axel opened it to Mrs. Greenberg. "I'm sorry, Ann, I don't know why this was locked. I'm really absent-minded today. Don't even ask what I was doing five minutes ago, I couldn't tell you."

From where he stood, holding the door open, Axel could see Roxas on the other side, covering his mouth and stifling his laughter. Ann Greenberg laughed politely and didn't try to come in, thank God. She was just dropping off some papers, explaining them a little and pointing out something Axel needed from them or…he really didn't know. He had a polite, attentive smile on his face and nodded and hummed just as he should, but he didn't hear one damn word.

Roxas was—very slowly—unbuttoning his dress shirt while Axel tried to keep his eyes on the other teacher.

"I think that's it…did I forget anything?"

Axel _glued_ his eyes to the lady. "Nope, sounds good, Ann. Thanks, see you next week!"

She left with a "have a good weekend" and Axel did _not_ shut the door after her. Roxas was grinning at him and sneaking closer, but Axel held up a warning finger, listening to the retreating click-clack of heels down the hall. Roxas had his shirt completely open by that point. Fortunately, he had a tank or a t-shirt on underneath, but _still_ —the implications were making Axel's heart race.

When he figured Mrs. Greenberg had turned a corner, he stuck his head out to check. The hall was clear, so he slowly, quietly shut the door again.

Roxas was immediately in his arms, snickering and trying to pull Axel's hands under his open dress shirt. "Very funny," Axel grumbled. "I guess at your age, heart attacks aren't a big concern. I'd really rather not die of one, though, so…"

With a snort, Roxas pushed him back against the door. "You're way too young for heart trouble. Come here."

The next few minutes were back to mostly silent—just heavy breathing and wet mouths meeting and parting and the rustling of Roxas' shirt and sometimes a soft groan Axel couldn't quite suppress. He was secretly necking with a boy, hiding from getting caught, and it felt silly and thrilling and childish but also kind of _fun_. He was downright giddy.

Hot breath on his mouth—Roxas broke away, panting. "Oh my God…" Roxas swallowed, his blue eyes hazy. "Can I…can I see you tomorrow night?"

 _Tomorrow? …Saturday. Wait…night? Saturday night?_ "Oh. You mean…"

"Yes, a date. Like a date." _Damn those captivating blue eyes_. "Can I?"

Axel swallowed. "If someone saw us together, like that…"

"Oh." Roxas' face fell. His sad eyes cut right into Axel's heart.

"I'll cook for you," he blurted. Roxas blinked, perking up again. "Bring…bring your cat over for a play date and I'll make a nice dinner."

Roxas broke into a ridiculously beautiful smile. "Great. I can't wait."

~o~

Without a doubt, Axel had never in his life been this nervous before a date.

It wasn't the dinner. Hell, steak was his specialty, and he'd perfected a few lovely sides to go with it and some lovely wine—and some lovely beer as a backup, in case Roxas wasn't much of a wine drinker. Axel certainly hadn't been, back in college, and there was nothing wrong with that. No, the dinner was perfect. But he was still nervous.

They hadn't said a word about it, but Axel knew without question that this was going to be The Night.

Roxas' signals had been unmistakable for a while, now. He was going to want to spend the night—really, he'd probably wanted that for weeks, but he'd been respectfully and patiently holding back while Axel tried to sort his head out—and Axel wasn't going to turn him down. He didn't even bother telling himself he'd have the fortitude to do the responsible thing and keep this relationship out of the carnal realm until Roxas got his degree. He was perfectly aware that he was going to agree, and things at school were going to be a delicious hell after this, and Axel must have de-aged ten years because he didn't give a proper adult shit.

Roxas showed up right on time. He had his cat in a carrier and a bag that apparently had some cat things in it, but there was probably room in that bag for more than just cat stuff— _Nice move_. Subtle—not an obvious overnight bag, but just as effective.

Seesaw fled to the couch and sat there aghast as Paul-Paw circled the apartment, sniffing _everything_.

"Wow, your apartment is _really_ nice!"

It wasn't actually anything remarkable, but compared to campus housing, Axel supposed it probably looked like a vacation condo in Tahiti.

They had dinner, and Axel didn't remember, afterward, much of the conversation. He remembered Roxas' smile.

Seesaw came down from the couch and began to trail after Paul-Paw, cautiously sniffing.

They adjourned to the living room with their drinks, and watched their cats and talked.

And Axel knew, right before Roxas set his wine glass down, that he was about to kiss him—and suddenly, he wasn't nervous anymore.

They broke apart, slightly breathless, and Roxas whispered against his lips, "Axel…"

"Yeah," he panted. "Do you want to stay the—"

" _Yes, please._ "

"Mmm-mmn." His reply got muffled in another deep kiss.

If there was one thing Axel had gained from his parade of relationship failures, it was his bed—the actual piece of furniture. He'd decided long ago that he needed a delightfully comfortable bed, and he'd invested in a luxurious one—partly in an effort to provide a proper welcome to any Very Special Guests, and partly to compensate for the disappointment when those Guests turned out to be less than Special after all. At least he'd still sleep well, with lots of room to scoot to drier spots.

Funnily enough, the first true Very Special Guest he ever had made him forget to enjoy the bed at all. They could have done it on the floor—Axel wouldn't have noticed or cared.

"Not fair," Roxas breathed, eyes wandering over his chest as soon as Axel had his shirt off. "Teachers aren't supposed to be this hot."

"Everybody needs a hobby," Axel mumbled, then shivered as Roxas' hands began to explore.

"Gorgeous," Roxas murmured, then leaned back and grinned. "Well, I _don't_ work out, but I've got all my youth and beauty and shit, so—" He peeled his shirt off over his head. "Taa-daa!"

Axel's face felt really hot. Not just because Roxas was lovely—and less boyish than he'd expected, thankfully—but because Axel's brain was telling him he should be feeling like a dirty old pervert, but his heart and body weren't getting the message. His eyes were wandering as he automatically answered, "You should try to get thirty minutes of exercise every—"

Roxas wrapped a lean arm firmly around his neck and pulled Axel in with surprising strength. Then blue eyes were right in front of him. Roxas cut him off, grinning. "I'm good for more than that right now," he purred. Then he straddled Axel and rubbed their groins together.

Then a long, deep kiss…

Then they were fumbling with buttons and zippers. Shuffling around, dragging pants off, still kissing. Cool air on his erection just before a touch, and then hot flesh pressed against him, Roxas moaning into his mouth and shifting, thrusting against him…

"Axel, Axel…"

He moved to Roxas' neck, unthinking, and kissed, sucked, tasted the sweetness of him. He felt the press of Roxas' sweaty chest against him and could barely breathe. He trailed a hand along Roxas' other arm, the one not wrapped around his neck, and found it went straight back…

"Oh God."

"Don't think," Roxas murmured. "Just touch me."

He slipped his fingers in alongside Roxas' and didn't think.

Before they got any further in that direction, though, Roxas' youthfully short trigger went off. Axel expected it—what he _hadn't_ expected was to come almost as quickly. He was older. No longer drowning in hormones. More experienced, with plenty of stamina.

But when Roxas cried out and spilled on him, all that went out the window. Axel came a minute later, like a teenager just learning what someone else's hand felt like.

"God, that was so good," Roxas sighed, leaning on him, both of them sinking into the mattress. Roxas didn't seem aware at all of the stuff left to dry on his skin—Axel was, and he had just enough reach to grab a few tissues and clean them both off. He felt very responsible and adult for it, too—almost helped him forget how fast he'd been just now.

Roxas snuggled against him, sounding sleepy. "I love you, Axel…"

 _I've always loved you._ But Roxas wasn't awake enough to hear it, and Axel wasn't brave enough to say it, not yet. So they fell asleep instead.

~o~

Axel woke up in darkness, but not total dark—the candle he kept on his dresser was lit, and by the very faint glow he could see Roxas.

He felt Roxas first, though.

Sleep cleared away quick—he was hard, Roxas was stroking him, and as soon as he saw Axel's eyes open, he kissed him, and Axel kissed back. Breathlessly, happily, pulling him close and just breathing in the scent of him, rolling them over and pushing Roxas into the soft mattress. Then they broke apart, and in the quiet dark Roxas looked up at him and whispered, "Take me?"

And Axel did.

By the tiny glow of a single candle, surrounded by the silence—it was a dreamlike, intimate thing. Every little hitch of breath spoke volumes; every shifting handhold meant need, and treasuring, and closeness, and pleasure. And being inside Roxas and watching his eyes shift through so many feelings made Axel want to cry—because it was perfect, and because he didn't believe in _perfect_ anymore, and on a superficial level maybe there was still some awkwardness, some hesitation, some figuring out how to fit together. But in his heart it was perfect—the first perfection he'd ever really known—so what else could he do?

He believed in perfect again, and everything in him was _alive_.

~o~

 **More A/N:** Pretty good way to start (or end) the year, yes? XD Happy New Year!


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note:**

Re: Those Who Comment Semi-Anonymously: This would be quicker if y'all had accounts... XP But thanks just the same. :D

* * *

School was a delicious hell—every minute without Roxas in his arms was awful, and when Roxas _was_ in his arms, nothing else mattered.

They snuck around the school, finding private spots and getting inappropriate with each other out of sight. It was dangerous—stupid, even, but Axel didn't care. They even did it in the faculty men's bathroom, and all he felt was the thrill and _Roxas_.

Axel was seventeen again, laughing and giddy and dumb.

But they also went on dates, like proper adults in a real relationship. Axel had lots of grown-up date ideas beyond the typical nice restaurant—though they did that too, and it was the first time Roxas had been to a nice dinner with a date. His fanciest dinner out before this had been Red Lobster; he didn't know much about restaurants with actual culinary star ratings instead of just Yelp reviews.

And they went to the theater. And they went ice skating while it was still cold. And they took a guided tour of the nearby city's historic district. And they did a wine-tasting. And they made torte at a special one-night cooking class Axel's old culinary school held. And when it got warmer and Spring arrived, they toured a botanical garden, rode bikes in the park, and had a picnic. They played racquetball at Axel's gym and rented kayaks for a day on the river. They went to the Greek and Mediterranean food festival, and they went to a swing dance club.

But then there were also many weekends when they stayed in, and Axel cooked, and their cats snuggled, and maybe they watched a movie, or maybe they just talked.

Axel turned thirty-one, and they went to an outdoor music festival to celebrate, then back to Axel's place. They were sipping wine—which Roxas actually liked, but didn't know much about—and snuggling on the couch. Getting a little handsy, but slowly—loosening clothing a little bit, feeling the heat build a little, but not in any rush to get naked. And Axel was happier than he knew he could be, lost in Roxas' eyes, and then Roxas grinned at him.

"So this is how grown-ups date, huh?"

"How's that?"

"I dunno. Classy. Sophisticated. I had no idea there were so many things you could turn into a date. And then, like this right now—nobody does this in college. It's sexy."

"Well, you can't find much privacy in college," Axel commented. "And it's not that adults are all sophisticated necessarily. You just get tired of bars and the movies after a while."

"Yeah…but it's not just that. I mean, in high school and college, everyone you talk to…it's like, you ask anyone what's going on, like, what there is to _do_ , and they tell you about a party. Or a movie coming out, I guess. But adults don't talk about parties. In the teacher's lounge, you ask what's going on and people tell you about, like, community events. Like the stuff we've been going to."

"Is that a bad thing?"

Another grin. "No way. I mean, it's weird…it feels weird, and I'm still getting used to it. But I didn't like parties that much when I was in high school, even. You just talk to the same people you see every day about the same drama you already knew about, and you dance to the same music you already hear on the radio all the time, and you eat pizza your mom will order for you anyway if you ask nicely enough on a Saturday. But with you, I mean—I never had lamb tzatziki before!" He smiled, scooting closer. "I've never done a lot of these things before. It's exciting."

Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas and pulled him into his lap and smiled back. He thought about the last decade—how he'd done a few of these things before, but not like this. Nice restaurants with a sex friend, the occasional outing with a boyfriend who stressed him out, classes he took alone, or, more recently, a fun event with friends, but not with anyone special. None of it compared. The last ten years had been very…bland.

But this? _Exciting_ was right. But Roxas thought the dates themselves were exciting, and Axel knew it was the company, not the activity. "Lamb tzatziki is just food, really. Sharing it with you is what makes it exciting."

Roxas blinked at him for a moment, then chuckled. "Damn…when do I grow into my adult ability to come up with lines like that?"

Axel smiled softly. "That's wasn't a line," he murmured, and then he kissed Roxas…set aside the wine…kept kissing, and didn't worry about moving to the bed.

~o~

They had less time together as Roxas' finals drew near. He finished his term as a student teacher before the school year ended for Axel, so for the last few weeks of school, Axel didn't see nearly as much of Roxas.

Axel was invited to Roxas' college graduation.

"Look, I'd love to be there, but I just think it'll be suspicious…"

"Axel, it'll be _fine._ "

"I'm not a professor, I'm not even your co-op."

"So be there as my friend."

Axel winced. "Your former high school teacher is how your parents will recognize me."

"Is that so weird?"

Axel sighed. "Yes, Roxas, it's pretty weird." Then, softened by the dejected look on Roxas' lovely face, he offered, "I'll go, but I don't want to meet anybody. You'll be surrounded by friends and family, so I'll just hang back, okay? We can meet up afterward—after your family does whatever they want to celebrate. Okay?"

With a slight smile, Roxas took his hands. "Okay. I get it, if you're not ready to meet my parents. If you think I'd have to introduce you as Mr. Michaels. But I want you to meet them eventually—as my boyfriend, Axel."

 _Maybe when you're thirty, kid._ But he smiled. "Okay. When the timing is better. I promise."

So Axel attended a Central State graduation, and ran into more than a few professors who remembered him. It was a bit of a reunion, though he had to keep dodging the question of why he'd come to this year's graduation. He talked about his years of teaching instead. And he watched Roxas walk up on stage and get his Bachelor's diploma, and he wasn't surprised at all to hear _summa cum laude_ after Roxas' name.

Their private celebration was wonderful—better than Axel's college graduation by a mile.

Then summer started, and the special ed program started, and Roxas surprised Axel by showing up the first day, announcing he would be helping with the kids as a volunteer. Roxas conducted basic literacy activities, story times, and a spelling bee. Axel watched, when he could, and fell more stupidly in love than ever.

Roxas also had a part-time job in the evenings, so he had very little time for dates. They had Sundays, and whatever time they could spend around each other while teaching the kids. It wasn't enough, but when Axel reminded himself that come fall, Roxas would be working somewhere else—he could only cherish the time they had together while summer lasted. After all, he remembered the first year of teaching, and he expected Roxas' time would be even scarcer, soon.

The program ended at the beginning of August, which was typically when Axel went to the beach for a week. He invited Roxas, but Roxas' part-time job wouldn't let him go for that long unless he quit, and he needed the last few weeks of summer to earn as much as he could. Axel almost cancelled his trip to stay home and see Roxas in whatever free time he had, but Roxas insisted that he go. "It's your vacation! You spend all year teaching—including almost all summer! You need a break. And I won't be free much anyway. I don't want to be responsible for you missing out on the beach so you can sit around at home and wait for me."

So Axel went to the beach, alone as usual, and it sucked a lot more than it ever had. He made every effort to get a tan that Roxas might think was sexy, and he spent hours in gift shops looking for the perfect souvenir for Roxas, and he didn't even think about hitting a bar or flirting with any beach boys. He mostly pined for Roxas the whole time, like he was fifteen and his parents had taken him away from his crush for family vacation.

When he got back, Roxas greeted him with a special dinner at Axel's apartment—just pizza, because Roxas was still in the "burn everything if Axel isn't there to help" phase of his culinary education. Not that Axel cared. Pizza was delicious. Pizza was the best, when Roxas was there and smiling and apparently had a big announcement.

After dessert—Roxas' masterfully crafted sundaes—Axel asked again, " _Now_ will you tell me what this exciting news is?"

"Yup." Roxas plopped down on the couch beside him. "I got a job."

Axel blinked. "Really? You got a full-time teaching position?" Roxas nodded, beaming. Axel hugged him. "That's great! Wow, first year out of school and everything! Where is it?"

Blue eyes sparkled. "Plainfield High."

Axel's jaw dropped.

Roxas laughed. "You're my colleague, now."

"What…what are you teaching?" Axel's mouth felt incredibly dry.

"I've got two sessions of ninth grade English, a special-ed English session with the IEP kids, and a double period of English language and literacy for ESL students." Roxas was still beaming. Axel's mind was racing.

"You're going to have to write three sets of lesson plans following three totally different curriculums…attend three different groups of faculty meetings every time we have in-service…" He shook his head, stunned. "You're not going to have time to _breathe._ "

Softening, Roxas took Axel's hand. "Yeah. I probably won't have a lot of time for dates, for a while. I know that's going to be hard for us. But…I wanted to get a job at the same school as you. The first year won't last forever, Axel. Eventually, I'll have more time, and then it'll be great to work together." He leaned closer. "And my first year would probably have been super busy in any school. At least, teaching at Plainfield, I'll be able to still _see_ you during the day."

Axel didn't know what to say. "I don't know what to say…"

"Congratulations?" Roxas supplied with a grin.

Axel smiled weakly. "Congratulations, of course. I just…I can hardly believe it."

"What's so hard to believe?" Roxas asked simply. "I've been working on this for years. I'm pretty tenacious when I put my mind to something, you know."

Axel nodded. "I know…" _And I love you for it…_

Roxas cocked his head a little to the side. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Axel shook his head. "It's great. It's amazing. I'm so happy to be…I mean. I just…" He sighed. "It feels like you do _everything_ for me. And I don't feel like I'm doing anything to—"

A finger on his lips silenced him. "You are." Roxas smiled. "I'm happy, and that's all you."

"But I haven't _done_ anything to—"

This time, Roxas cut him off with a quick kiss. Then, gently: "You want to do something for me?" Axel nodded. Roxas grinned. "Okay. Let me introduce you to my parents."

Axel's expression probably spoke for him. Roxas hurried to add, "Not right now. How about Thanksgiving?" He explained, "They know I student taught at my alma mater and that I'm hired there now. I mentioned you a few times—nothing personal, just that you were still there. I mentioned other teachers too. I thought this upcoming year, I could let them know we were becoming friends at work, and then in October I'd let on that I'm seeing someone. And I can keep 'seeing someone' until Thanksgiving, and tell them it's you eventually—if they don't figure it out on their own. So when you meet them it'll all be set up in advance— _gradually_. Nothing suspicious about any of it. How's that?"

Axel winced a little. "The age difference will still be there."

Roxas softened, a hand brushing a piece of Axel's hair back. "The age difference will always be there, Axel. We can wait ten years until my mom is wringing her hands with worry over my protracted 'singleness' and you'll still be nine and a half years older than me. And I still won't care." Arms slipped around Axel's neck. "They'll barely blink over it, Axel. Trust me."

Axel wasn't so sure. Personally, he knew how those age gaps started to shrink the older you got. He sort of wanted to wait until Roxas was thirty and he was thirty-nine—not quite the big four-oh, not yet. That would be perfect. If Roxas' parents were eager to see him "finally find someone" at that point, even better.

But that was a lot of years of hiding and lying between now and then. And he had to remember, he would be asking _Roxas_ to do most of the lying—to his own family. And he had to remember, too—Roxas had asked for this.

So…

"Okay." He sighed. "I'll go with your plan. You're pretty incredible at planning and making things work out, after all."

And Roxas' happiness at that—it was worth it. It'd be worth it if nothing worked out and his family hated Axel and everything went to shit. Just to see Roxas happy—everything was worth it.

~o~

The school year started off with the excitement of novelty—like being a first-year teacher all over again. Everything was new. _Roxas_ was here, and he was a colleague. There was nothing weird about them hanging around together before school, after school, during breaks and lunches—whenever. Every hour of the day was alive with the chance that Axel might see Roxas for a second and get a wave and a smile.

It faded pretty fast.

After all, it wasn't _quite_ like being a first-year teacher. Axel had his lesson plans well in hand and all his materials ready and waiting. The first few weeks were often the easiest, in a sense, because there was very little to grade. He had long ago fallen into a rhythm of focusing on establishing authority, learning the kids' names, and running them through some work that would help him gauge where they were at, both academically and behaviorally. There weren't many projects or assessments to grade yet, so Axel had a fair amount of free time.

Roxas—Roxas was _actually_ a first-year teacher.

Of course, he had some things prepared in advance—about a months' worth planned, but that didn't mean all his materials were ready and waiting yet, and he didn't have a year-opener routine down. He had four weeks of lesson plans, and four weeks ran out quick. October always arrived before you knew it, and Axel remembered—you see it coming, you try to plan ahead, and the last week of September you _scramble_ to plan ahead, but by halfway through October you're roughly figuring out the week to come on Sunday afternoon (and Sunday night) and by November you're throwing stuff together the day before and the morning of and in every planning period and begging God to send you Thanksgiving _quick_ because there's nothing in the world you need like two extra days to catch up.

Roxas all but vanished after the fifth week of school.

Axel sent him text messages, clicking through the keys on his trusty old RAZR he'd never bothered to upgrade. Roxas had one of those new iPhone thingies. He replied to Axel's messages—usually pretty late at night. Never right away, not once October hit.

Axel was lonely, and lonely, and _lonely_ , but he was okay. He understood. Just…he really worried. Roxas looked so…tired, when he did see him. They didn't have time for many dates, and Axel didn't want to ask—he didn't want to make any demands on Roxas' packed schedule. They only spent time together a few times, at Roxas' request—made in the spirit of "I don't _care_ how much I have to do, _please_ let's do something to relax!"

In October, Axel took Roxas to a carnival, with a haunted corn maze planned for the evening, but they didn't get that far. Roxas was looking tired, cradling his spiced cider and looking like he hadn't slept in a week, and Axel pulled him close and murmured into his hair, "Hey…want to skip the corn maze and go home?"

In a voice of weak protest, Roxas murmured, "No…I want to spend time with you. I haven't seen you in a week…"

"So come back to my place?"

"…Yeah okay."

Roxas drifted off a bit in the car.

They cuddled on the couch with beer—guaranteed to knock Roxas out the rest of the way, given how tired he already was. But in the meantime, Axel put on _Bride of Frankenstein_ and pulled Roxas close and asked, "You sure you're doing okay at school?"

Roxas—still shorter, still just the perfect fit to curl into Axel's side—hummed. "I'm just tired. It's okay. It's a challenge, I knew it would be." He twisted his head to look up. "I'm just sorry I haven't been much of a boyfriend lately…"

"Hey." Axel kissed his forehead, kissed the wrinkles of worry away. "You let me be the boyfriend for a change, okay? You do what you need to do." He cradled Roxas' lovely face. "And tell me what you need _me_ to do, please?" he murmured.

Roxas smiled. "This. You're way ahead of me."

So Axel kissed him, sweet and slow, and moved gradually down his throat, and when he got a little encouraging whimper he let gently caressing hands wander a little further down.

He pleasured Roxas with his mouth, and when Roxas finished and tried to shift, mumbling about "Let me…" Axel hushed him. Tucked his clothes back into place and kissed the backs of Roxas' fingers. "I don't want you to do anything for me. I just want you to go to sleep."

Roxas gazed at him a long moment and then sighed. "Bed?"

Axel carried Roxas to bed like an overgrown baby, and forgot to feel like an old pervert. He was more concerned with tucking Roxas in.

"Mmmh. Your bed is freaking amazing," Roxas sighed, stretching and relaxing, and Axel smiled and pulled him close and felt like maybe he could be good for Roxas after all.

~o~

 **More A/N:** We're not done yet (clearly) but we're winding down. KH3 is just around the corner! (I assume. I hope. I haven't checked lately to make sure they didn't move the release again.) :P

In case I forget to mention, I'm putting The Conqueror up for free again on the week of Valentine's Day. Amazon lets me do this up to 5 days, 4 times a year, so I do as often as I can. So if you didn't get it for Halloween and maybe want to read it, if you can wait until ValDay it'll be free. ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note:** It's the penultimate chapter! It's January! Wow, this got here fast! Time for some emotional resolution; epilogue next week. Then hopefully you guys will all be playing KH3 too much to miss the updates! ;)

* * *

Axel didn't remember the last time he'd actually celebrated Thanksgiving. His family had been out of the picture for years, and he'd never been in this kind of a relationship—the "Thanksgiving-together" kind. His friends had their own families to spend the holiday with. Axel had long ago surrendered the day itself to half-watching football while grading papers—his one day out of the year he watched football and gave himself pat on the back for scoring some manliness points.

Roxas' family didn't bother with football, as it turned out, unless their team was playing, which it wasn't. Instead, they all cooked together, ate together, and cleaned up together, and then played cards or something.

And Roxas had been right. They didn't bat an eye.

They were welcoming and happy to see him and no one slipped and called him "Mr. Michaels"—he was "Axel" in a flash, as naturally as if they were meeting a young man the same age as their son. They were great—beyond great, even. Axel was nervous as hell, but it wasn't their fault. He was trying not to slip and act like their son's teacher.

It wasn't a perfect holiday. He was exhausted in spite of everything when it was over. Still, Axel had always liked Roxas' family, and all of a sudden he felt like he was looking at people who might someday be sort of _his_ family, too—if things worked out the way Roxas clearly planned. Axel wasn't sure if Roxas' parents believed this would last or not, but they seemed determined to expect the best and act accordingly. It was heartwarming and scary.

And it was _so good_ to spend time with Roxas.

And then Roxas disappeared back into his first year of teaching, and Axel had Christmas to think about—and Demyx's party.

~o~

Demyx knew Axel was seeing someone.

Really, he'd known _something_ was up for months. Axel had avoided brunch when he could, but not too often—didn't want to arouse suspicion. And then he'd successfully lied a couple times and said he'd been to the bar and gotten laid—not that Demyx particularly supported that choice anymore, but it at least explained Axel's tendency to start grinning a little whenever his attention wandered. And then over the summer Demyx took a trip and they saw less of each other for a bit…but come the new school year, Axel was out of excuses, and he had a boyfriend—and Demyx had x-ray vision. So all he could really do was admit that he'd met someone and was seeing them for more than just sex…and then beg off giving any details. "I don't want to jinx it," he said, and, "We don't go out that much anyway"—which at least had the benefit of being true, due to Roxas' schedule. Demyx was okay with all this. But the Christmas party wasn't going to get cancelled for the first time ever this year, and Demyx made a point of checking that Axel hadn't broken up with Mystery Man, and then he made a point of extracting a promise that Axel would bring Mystery Man to the party.

There was no such thing as "too casual" a relationship for the Christmas party crowd, so that wasn't any excuse. Someone once brought a date they'd only gone out with once before, and it was fine. So the only possible excuse would be if Roxas was busy.

Roxas was _really_ busy…

They started seeing more of each other, though, because Axel overheard Roxas' mom at Thanksgiving worrying over him looking thinner, and he wrung a confession out of Roxas that he hadn't been eating well, mostly because he never had time to go to the store.

"So I'll cook for you. What were all those classes for, anyway?"

Roxas still didn't look relieved. "I guess I can bring my lesson plans and everything over once in a while, and…"

Axel had already seen the stacks of materials Roxas had to carry between school and home. "No, Roxas, don't bother. I'll come over to your place and cook. It'll save you time."

There were some protests, and are-you-sures, but Axel won in the end. He started going over to Roxas' apartment every other night or so to bring groceries and cook and pack him lunches for the next day—and sometimes tidy up and run the clothes washer for him while Roxas was buried in lesson plans.

Then they'd have at least half an hour together to eat, talk, and let Roxas decompress a little before he got back to work and Axel cleaned up. On the weekends, sometimes he brought a little work of his own and graded papers, and when it wasn't a school night he might even stay over. Roxas' bed wasn't nearly as nice as Axel's, and the poor kid didn't have the time or energy for hours of creative lovemaking, but he was also young and full of hormones and it almost wasn't possible for him to be " _too_ tired" altogether.

The sex tended to be brief and basic, but Axel didn't mind. Roxas needed it, needed the comfort of touch and the release. And Axel felt like a hero when he saw Roxas looking better-rested in the morning. _Worth it._

It was one of these dinners when Axel mentioned the Christmas party.

"I know you don't have time, and unfortunately it's the weekend before our last week of school, so we won't be on break quite yet…"

" _Pft._ I'll make time. I'd love to meet your friends, Axel." Roxas was smiling— _really_ smiling, the tiredness suddenly distant. "You think I'd miss this?"

Axel shrugged. "Don't get your hopes up, it's not exactly the party of the century…"

Roxas touched his hand. Met his eyes. "You invited me to meet your friends. It's the party of the century to me."

Axel's hopes that maybe he could put this off until next year died. He smiled nervously. "All right…so…my ex will be there."

"Which one?" Axel hadn't really explained in any detail yet, but he'd mentioned that there were a few men in his past—"Friend," "Asshole," and "Psycho." He hadn't talked about anyone else.

"It's my college boyfriend. The one I'm still friends with. He and his partner have the party every year, and he really wants to meet you."

"The one who plays matchmaker for you?"

Axel sighed. "He's very concerned with my happiness. The thing is…" He met Roxas' eyes. "We were living together when I was a student teacher, and…um, I talked about you."

Blue eyes lit up at him. "You did? You talked about me? When I was in seventh grade?"

Axel rubbed his forehead. "You weren't the _only_ student I mentioned, all right? But yes, I mentioned you by name to him…maybe a few times." Roxas was still grinning at him, eyebrows high. "Okay, a lot of times. You were my favorite student. He joked that I wanted to adopt you, stuff like that."

Roxas just kept beaming. "I was your favorite, huh?"

He sighed. "You were _twelve_ , Roxas."

Roxas stuck his tongue out at him. "I'm aware." Then he seemed to think of something. "You're not getting worried about _that_ again, are you?"

Axel winced. "Demyx…he doesn't know I saw you throughout high school. We broke up, and we didn't talk for a while after that. Or before that, really. But he might remember your name. And…he knows that close to a year ago there was this student teacher I was noticing…"

A renewed grin. "Awwww!"

"He _wasn't_ in favor of it, Roxas, and neither was I. And he didn't even know you were my former student. He just knew there was a big age gap and a gray area, with you being still in school and me being a teacher."

"Well, now we're both teachers who work together, so it's fine. And he can get over the age gap. _We're_ over it…right?"

Axel gave Roxas a brief look. "You never _had_ to get over it. But…yes. I'm…pretty much over it." Being older, after all, was paying off these days. Being in a position where he had time to spare to help his boyfriend when things were rough on him was a definite plus. There was _some_ advantage to being in a different stage of life. "The problem is just…what if he puts the pieces together? What if he figures out that you were the student teacher…and the kid I taught in middle school? He'll think that…"

"Axel," Roxas cut him off. "Okay." He sighed. "Worst-case scenario, he _will_ think something bad. Then we just explain things. We never did anything wrong; he'll see that and come around."

"Didn't we?"

Roxas' lip curled upward slightly. "We played with the line a little last year. But it was the _professional_ line, not the _moral_ one."

Axel held his eyes. "And before that?"

A pause, thinking. "What, is it evil that I had a crush on my teacher in high school?" His expression said _Come on, really?_ "It certainly wasn't _your_ fault."

A sigh. "You've had _Ethics in Education_ now, Roxas. Legally speaking, it's _never_ the underage student's fault when something happens."

He got a blank look. "Nothing _did_ happen. You never laid a finger on me! And don't try to tell me you molested me and I blocked out the memory, because even if I had amnesia I _know_ you wouldn't. You just _wouldn't_. So what are you getting at?"

They were sitting close enough, thankfully—Axel leaned in and answered by touching his mouth to Roxas' lips. He didn't kiss him for long—no more than he had _then_. But it was something. Enough. He pulled back. Roxas had gone still and was watching him, eyes sharp with thought. Studying his face and thinking.

"You blame yourself for that? For graduation?"

"I shouldn't have done it…"

" _I_ was the one who…!" Roxas stopped himself. Shut his eyes. Composed. Then reopened them, steady. "I never should have. Axel, I'm sorry for kissing you after graduation. I crossed a line I didn't understand, and I apologize. Will you forgive me?"

Axel felt like _shit_. Roxas didn't even see it as a big deal—they both knew that. But he was willing to take the blame and apologize just to alleviate Axel's guilt. "It wasn't even the kiss, Roxas, it was… I can't forgive you when it wasn't…ugh." He leaned his head on a hand. "I know you initiated it and I know I barely responded. If someone found out, I could have said I did nothing to encourage you and reestablished ethical distance right away…and so on. Even _you_ wouldn't have been able to confidently argue, but…" He sighed. "God."

A gentle touch to his hand. A gentle voice. "Tell me."

 _Yeah, I probably should._ It was becoming obvious that this was never going to be completely okay until he opened up completely. _That's a relationship, right? Being totally honest. You can't make it work otherwise._ He looked at Roxas. "Living room?" A nod, Roxas rising. "Leave the dishes, I'll come back."

So they relocated to the couch, where Roxas sat close and took his hand and repeated: "Tell me, Axel, I'm listening."

So he pulled his thoughts together and then just started. And once he'd started…

"It wasn't just that I kissed you back—and you're right, you've always been right. I did. The problem is _why_ I did, and the answer is, I…I wanted you. I shouldn't have wanted you and nobody knew I did, but I know. And I _did_." Roxas squeezed his hand, listening, as Axel picked at the couch fibers with his other hand. "It wasn't…gross or anything. It wasn't like I'd been perving on you since you were little. And I tried really hard not to…abuse my position, I guess. Not as your teacher, but just as an adult you liked and trusted. I didn't want to manipulate you or…" He shook his head. "You were a kid. I _saw_ you as a kid, most of the time you were in school. I thought you were a great kid, but that was it. Until…" He swallowed. "I don't even know. Somewhere toward the end there. You were growing up a lot, you didn't _look_ much like a kid anymore, and, uh…I knew you had a crush on me. It was kind of flattering, and worrying…and then it was harder and harder to ignore. And I was…" He laughed, hollowly. "Well, I told you I had a boyfriend at the time, and I did—sort of."

Roxas frowned at that. "Sort of?"

"It was Psycho."

"Ah…"

" _Yeah_." Axel scraped a hand through his hair. "I was _miserable_. I didn't like him, but I was trying to distract myself, and…and I think I just made it worse. We actually broke up before graduation, and then by that time I was so frustrated and so _lonely_ and you turned eighteen and the line between us was getting so _thin_. I _wanted_ you, and I hated myself for it. And then graduation happened, and you were—well, you still weren't right, not really. It was a bad time, legality be damned. It just wouldn't have been right. But it would have been _legal_ , for the first time, and I didn't want to never see you again, I wanted _you_." He swallowed thickly. "Even if you hadn't kissed me, I'd still know what had been going through my mind. I liked you a lot. There wasn't anyone else. There hadn't ever been anyone else." He stopped. Amended, " _Hasn't_ been." Roxas' eyes on him were wide. "You were a kid when I met you, and I was with Dem, and I was young and dumb and thought he was going to be the only one for me. But then that went to shit, and I dated other guys and hooked up a lot, but there was never anything _there_. And then there was you, with your teenage crush, and it was _something_. It was more _something_ than I had with anyone else. And I feel like a fucking loser for saying this, but even after—while you were at college—there wasn't anyone else, not really. That's the problem."

"Uhh…how?" Roxas' voice hovered between a murmur and a whisper, not quite coming out fully.

Axel grimaced. "It means something's wrong with me—always has been, probably still is. It's not _healthy._ I'm like an obsessive creep."

Roxas blinked and cleared his throat. "Um…I'm not sure how I'm supposed to see this as a bad thing…when my boyfriend tells me I'm the only one he's ever…had feelings for. Pretty much." He slowly licked his lips. "I guess I understand, theoretically, why it could be bad. I'm not sure why it's just bad for you and not me, though…"

"Because you haven't had all this time as an adult when you should have been at least _interested_ in someone else, caring about other people, or…"

Roxas snorted. "You're one up on me in that department, actually. You had a college boyfriend you loved." He leveled Axel with an intent look. "I was just as uninterested in the other guys in college as what you've just described, Axel. I had dumb high school crushes and then some flings I didn't really care about. I went four years without seeing you and worked to get you back in my life the whole time. How are _you_ more obsessive than _I_ am?"

Axel blanked. "…Because I'm older. I had…more time."

"Uh huh." Roxas arched an eyebrow. "Look—I get that most people have more than one major relationship in their lives. Hell, plenty of people get _married_ more than once in their lives. Love's not a magical, once-in-a-lifetime thing." He scooted closer. "But that doesn't mean it can't…I mean." He squeezed Axel's hand. "I care about you. I don't feel like I need to fall for someone else and get a broken heart under my belt to, I dunno, validate that. And it isn't your fault if I'm the only one you…if I'm the only one who, who stuck out as special, I guess. That doesn't mean you're a creep. Maybe there are lots of other guys out there you could still fall for, even now, and you just haven't met them." He pulled Axel around by the shoulder, even closer now. "Maybe all this means is that there's something _here_. Something between us, something special. Not everybody gets a connection like that, but some people do. Nobody blames them for going for it. It doesn't mean we're fated or fucked in the head. We'll still have to work at this like any other couple. But…I mean, my point is we should _start_. Okay? We should say, 'Here's what we are, here's our story, now let's take it from here.'" He leaned close, voice lowering. "I liked you when I was young. You liked me when maybe you shouldn't have. Fuck it. The _shouldn't_ is gone and I'm not quite that young anymore and we like each other— _still_ or _again_ doesn't matter. _We like each other_. I wanna be with you. I wanna work on this and make you happy." He blinked, suddenly not quite so certain. "What do _you_ want?"

And Axel blinked too—several times. It was like he'd been searching for something only to realize it was right there in his hand. "That." He swallowed. "I want…I want that. The same thing."

Roxas' smile was like everything good in the world all at once. "Okay."

~o~

At the Christmas party, Demyx greeted them at the door. Axel, holding Roxas' hand, smiled and turned to introduce him. "This is Demyx, our host, and that over there is his partner, Zexion. Dem, this is my boyfriend, Roxas."

Demyx was all smiles and welcomes and come-ins, but Axel caught the flicker of something in his eyes, around his brow. Axel knew his old friend pretty well. That was a "where have I heard that before?" look. A flicker of doubtful recognition. Demyx would mull it over and figure it out eventually, so Axel just cut straight to it.

"It's so nice to finally meet you, Roxas…"

"I'll say." Axel grinned, interrupting. "Dem, you remember when we were seniors in college and I was student teaching, right?"

A blink. Probably wondering why he'd brought it up. "Sure."

"Remember that favorite student I used to go on about all the time?"

Demyx froze. "Yes…"

"Remember his name?"

Eyes shot to the side. Started to widen. "Was it…?"

" _Roxas!_ " Axel wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. "Yup! Well, he graduated and went to college and became a teacher. Came back home and got a job at the same school as me. Small world, huh?"

Demyx's smile was wide and kind of stunned—his eyes were widest of all, and alternating between surprise directed at Roxas and searching, directed at Axel. "I'll say…" Then he cleared his throat. "Um, I can't wait to hear all about it…"

There was a grilling, later—a brief one, when Dem cornered him with a sharp look. "So that twenty-one-year-old last year was…?"

Axel shrugged. "It worked out after all, I guess."

"So you're…dating a former student."

Smiling, patiently. "I'm dating a colleague I work with. He's younger than me. It just so happens we used to know each other."

A slow nod. "Okay…well, far be it from me to make things weird if neither of you think they are…" Another searching look. "As long as…"

But Axel cut him off with another smile. He knew where this was going, and he knew what would placate Demyx. "Don't worry. Everything's fine. And we're happy together." He felt it, tight in his chest. "We're both…very happy."

Demyx's expression softened. "Well. Shit." He finally smiled. "After how long I've been waiting to hear that…who gives a shit about anything else?"

The rest of the party was perfect. Everyone liked Roxas and they all had a good time. Axel and Roxas didn't stay too late, because Roxas still had a death-pile of work to deal with for the last week of school before the holiday, but while they were at the party he managed to relax and forget about it.

And Axel walked around like he was floating in zero gravity and making daisy chains with the stars.

~o~


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note:** Well folks, it's been great! KH3 will be out Friday (in the US, anyway) so enjoy, and thanks for joining me for one last AkuRoku fic. :D (Re to "Alice": Thank you!)

* * *

January was never a fun month to be a teacher. Winter in general was a long, dull grind, broken up by snow days—which teachers could enjoy to a certain extent, of course, but timing was critical. A snow day at the wrong time could blow your careful lesson planning to hell. Even when you got a day off work, it made for a mixed blessing.

Axel had figured out years ago how to plan for the first three months of the year—keep things loose and mobile. It worked for him. And he daydreamed about someday sharing a snow day with Roxas—both of them sleeping in, holed up against the weather, making love in the morning, in the afternoon, whenever.

None of that was going to happen _this_ year, when a snow day just meant more time for Roxas to scramble to catch up with grading and planning. But it was a "someday" dream Axel held on to.

He still cooked for Roxas, even when it was dark before dinner and icy on the drive home. He didn't get to see Roxas much otherwise, and he couldn't help with his classes. The downside of teaching a different subject.

It was…hard. He was happy, but it was hard to see Roxas so tired and be able to do so little.

Roxas didn't have time for Valentine's Day—not really. He expressly told Axel he wanted to go on a nice date together and celebrate like an adult couple, but a snow day the week before threw Roxas' schedule in the toilet—no surprise—and Axel couldn't let him spend tons of time and effort on the holiday. He convinced Roxas to just let him make dinner, as usual. He promised an extra-special _nice_ dinner. And Roxas insisted that, it being a Saturday, he'd come over to Axel's place for a change and not bring _too_ much work.

He brought his cat, and a stack of work that _did_ look like "too much," as far as Axel was concerned; and he brought flowers, and dark circles under his pretty blue eyes.

Axel cooked and served a fantastic dinner, and Roxas loved it, but he was exhausted—too tired for a lot of giddy lovey-dovey stuff. They talked a little, and Axel listened to Roxas' struggles, as he often did now, but tonight Roxas didn't even have much energy for complaining. Finally, Axel just took his hand.

"Roxas…are you doing okay?"

Big, weary blue eyes met his, and in that moment, Roxas looked _really_ young again. "I don't know," he admitted. "I mean, I'm managing, but barely. If it weren't for you…" He exhaled heavily. "And God, there I go again, nothing but gloomy whining from me these days. Why you stick around I have no idea. I'm a drain on your energy and time, on your whole _life_. I'm such a fucking terrible boyfriend…"

"Roxas, no…" He pulled his boyfriend closer, kissing his knuckles.

Throat rasping slightly, eyes watering, Roxas shook his head. "I _am_ , Axel! I give you _nothing_ , and you give up so much time to cook and do chores for me and take care of me and you get nothing in return! That's not a healthy relationship! And I can't even do anything about it because if it weren't for you I wouldn't be able to do this, I just wouldn't…"

"Hey, hey." He stood, pulling Roxas into his arms. "Come on, Roxas, you know I'm happy to be able to help you. If it weren't for me, you wouldn't be dealing with such a nightmare schedule your first year anyway."

"Everybody's first year is hard," Roxas mumbled. "You got through yours all right. And without any help."

"Different situation," he countered. "I had a year of subbing to get into the routine, and my schedule has never been as killer as yours."

"I just…"

"What?" He sought Roxas' eyes.

Pain crossed Roxas' face. "I don't know why you stay with me—some stupid kid who can't take care of his own life."

"But it's…" Axel floundered for words. "It's exactly the opposite of that! It's…if we were the same age, in the same place in life, it would already be over. We just couldn't handle it. This is…Roxas, you have to understand, this is the first time I've been _glad_ I'm ten years older than you. Because I _have_ the time, and I _can_ help. And you help me in ways you know nothing about. You make life fun again, you make me care about stuff again…" Roxas gave him a startled look, and Axel winced. "Maybe not so much right _now_ , but…babe, this will pass. In just a couple months it'll be summer again, and we'll see each other all the time. It'll be great again, you'll see. Life's got ups and downs. I'm not quitting on you because it's been 'down' for just a little while."

Roxas swallowed. "It feels like forever to me."

"I know," Axel answered, "but trust me, it'll end. And everything will be fine."

With a shaky exhale, Roxas pressed into his chest. Axel held him tighter. "I can't picture it being fine. Feels like it'll always be winter."

"I know, babe," Axel murmured into his hair. "But…in a couple months, when summer comes…when you have time again. I was hoping, maybe…you'd move in with me." Pulling back suddenly, Roxas blinked up at him. Axel smiled weakly. "I wish you could right now…hell, I'd have asked a while ago, but moving takes a lot of time and energy, and I know you've been busy, so…"

"Oh my God, really?" New tears welling in Roxas' eyes. "We could live together? You want to? You're not sick of me?"

Axel shook his head. He felt like there was a spike in his chest. "Roxas. I _love_ you." An inarticulate little sound of surprise and disbelief. Axel smiled. "I should have told you ages ago. I've been a coward, and I'm sorry. I just kept thinking you would get tired of me and move on. But I never planned to leave _you_. I love you. I'm sticking around, I don't care if things aren't much fun right now. My life would be so much worse without you in it." It was the truest thing Axel had ever said.

Blue eyes welled with tears, tears that quickly broke free, but so did a smile so radiant and beautiful that it made everything wonderful—and that was _before_ the kiss.

Roxas laughed against his lips—the first time Axel had heard him laugh in _weeks_ —and his hands were restless over Axel's neck, his face, in his hair. "You! I can't…" Another sweet and passionate kiss. "God, I thought you'd never…I was really sure it was hopeless. I figured it had been too long, and you had already decided it was never going to work, but you were just putting up with me because you didn't want to hurt me when life was already…ugh. Because you're so nice like that…"

Axel pulled him close in a tight hug. "I'm sorry. I'm such an asshole for making you think something like that, babe. The truth is, I've loved you for a long time. I was just scared, I'm sorry…"

"Stop apologizing!" Roxas laughed through his tears. "You just made six damn years of my life worth it! That's like…a third? Or a fourth of my whole life?" He snorted. "Whatever, I'm an English teacher, fuck math." He pulled back, beaming up at Axel. "I don't care about the wait, I care that you…" Hopeful disbelief. "You do? Really?"

"I love you." Axel kissed him. "I love you, Roxas. I love you." Another kiss. Murmured against his mouth: "I'm going to take you to bed and tell you a thousand times while I show you just how much I love you."

Dazed, blissful: "I love you too." Then, with another laugh: "Well, _this_ is a Valentine's Day!"

And it was. Roxas wasn't tired anymore. They made love like two crazy kids who couldn't slow down, and Axel didn't count to see if he got to a thousand, but he said "I love you" so many times it could have stopped sounding like words.

But it didn't. Every time, it was true.

~o~

Things got better.

Roxas was still overworked and exhausted, but he no longer wore it like a death sentence. Axel could see the change almost immediately. Hopelessness had come upon him by inches, slowly; hope came back much faster, and suddenly the circumstances didn't matter. Roxas was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, now, and Axel's chest felt so tight when he thought that somehow, he'd been able to help that much. The idea that he really meant that much to someone else—it was surreal, sometimes, but it was great too, because Roxas meant the same to him.

It also made him want to kick himself for having taken so damn long to tell the kid how he really felt. But then, Axel had been thinking about himself—guarding and worrying about his own heart. He couldn't do that anymore. He was in a real relationship; if something wasn't good for both of them, it wasn't _good_. If something was harming only one of them, it was _bad_.

It took a while to adjust to the new outlook. Axel had been getting used to one way of thinking and living for a long time. He forgot sometimes, in small ways, but he caught himself and course corrected and worked on it. Sometimes he felt bad about it; sometimes he remembered he was human.

Standardized testing came along and gave Roxas some time to catch up. He started to get his feet back under himself, a little. And Axel got his apartment ready for Roxas. He cleared space for Roxas' stuff and built some shelves and threw out some of his old crap from college. Roxas would be bringing his own boxes of useless crap, but he wouldn't want to throw it out, yet. In ten years, when he saw that it had been gathering dust for a decade, he would. When Axel thought about that, he happily made space for Roxas' junk, nice and out of the way, and he thought about the day they'd drag it out and throw it away. Together.

Then spring came, and finally the early summer. School ended, Roxas moved, and they got him partially unpacked at Axel's place before getting distracted, giving up, and spending almost three days naked together. Axel gave himself a pat on the back for all those years of going to the gym. He'd never been so exhausted in his life, and if he hadn't kept himself in shape, Roxas probably would have killed him with his overactive libido.

Or so he told himself, conveniently forgetting that at least half of the times they made love, Axel had been the one to start it.

~o~

If Axel's life had been a movie, there probably would have been a touching scene with Roxas' parents at some point. One where they talked about Roxas, about their feelings—where things got all heart-warming and emotional and maybe someone cried a little. But nothing like that ever really happened. Roxas' parents just kept being nice to him when they saw him, and if they had any worries about their son's relationship, they kept those to themselves. And eventually, after they'd spent long enough treating Axel like a part of their family, he sort of just…was. The crucial moment passed and he didn't notice—or maybe there wasn't a crucial moment at all.

Axel realized all this at a barbecue, when the family was reminiscing, and some of Roxas' high school memories came up. There was apparently a whole story involved in his attempt to write up a lab report for Axel's class—a lab Axel barely remembered now, and he certainly didn't specifically remember Roxas' report on it, but he'd graded it and written some kind of cute comment that everyone thought was hysterical (and no one could agree on the wording of anymore). And the whole thing was told and laughed off without even a blip of hesitation over the detail that _Roxas' current boyfriend had been his teacher at the time_ , and that was when Axel realized, _Oh. It's fine. It's just…fine._

If Axel's life had been a movie, there almost certainly would have been some kind of climactic scene when he came out professionally. Probably involving the heartwarming support of many side characters and the defeat of someone cruel and villainous. But there were no villains. There was no homophobic bully to humiliate; just a prevalent attitude of conformity in his small-town school, and some older folks at the top. They slowly filtered away to retirement, times changed, and the prevalent attitude by the time he got tenure was still conformity, but the world which people conformed to had widened.

At Roxas' insistence, Axel got a smartphone. The wide world at the touch of a…well, not a button. An icon. He figured out how to use the camera, was bad at texting, and didn't get the point of social media for a really long time.

Then Jason Priestly replied to him on Twitter, once, and Axel screamed like a kid and couldn't shut up about it for weeks. "Jason Priestly _talked_ to me!"

"It's _Twitter_ , Axel! Calm down!"

~o~

The next year came, and they were living together, so they drove to work together and held hands walking in and out of the building and had lunch together when their schedules permitted. They didn't see each other that much at school, being in different departments with students in different years, but going back to the same apartment at the end of the day made up for that a _lot_. Even when they were both busy, there was no way to go a day without spending time together.

It was, to Axel, awesome. And very difficult.

He had ten years of practice sharing his apartment with no one but a cat. For ten years, nothing he set down somewhere had ever moved without him picking it up again. Nothing he put in the fridge vanished unexpectedly. The bathroom was never occupied.

The adjustment wasn't hard or miserable. Just…an adjustment.

And no one had ever hugged him unexpectedly, not even when he'd had a boyfriend—none of them had been like that. No one had ever left him a cute note at the bottom of his shopping list…or a naughty one, with maybe a doodle. No one had done things for him that he hadn't gotten around to yet. No one surprised him with dinner after a long day.

By the same turn, when Axel had extra time, there had never been anyone to pamper. He'd never been able to lend a quick hand and be a hero for a second, even if it was only getting the wok down from the high cabinet Roxas couldn't reach. He'd never had someone else to build free time around, plan dates for, look forward to a birthday or a holiday or just a weekend.

Now, all his "nevers" had turned into daily realities, and it was strange, but very good.

He didn't have brunch with Demyx anymore. He and Roxas did double-dates with Demyx and Zexion once in a while. Never anything fancy. It was good to hang out with some non-teachers who would stop them if they started talking about work in their free time. Demyx's favorite thing to say was "Shut up, teacher!" It apparently was something he'd wanted to say a _lot_ as a kid.

~o~

Axel showed up at Roxas' classroom with his lunch one day, as he often did. Roxas was writing passes for a few students he'd been helping or answering questions for, as he often did. And there was one boy there—Axel didn't know his name, didn't have him in class, but he'd been seeing his face a lot, lately. As the kid waved, "Bye Mr. Martin!" with a big, starry-eyed smile, Axel realized why he recognized him. This kid was _always_ hanging around Roxas' room, lately.

When the students were gone and they were sitting down to eat, Axel began: "That kid, in the blue shirt."

"Yeah?"

"Does he have a crush on you?"

Roxas stopped. Looked at him. Blinked, and then his eyes started sparkling. "Are you jealous?"

Axel narrowed his eyes. "So he _does_ have a crush on you?"

Roxas grinned. "Yeah. It's pretty bad."

Stabbing at his salad: "What is he, like, ten?"

A laugh. "Yeah, he's ten, Axel. We teach in an elementary school, didn't you know?"

"He knows you have me, right?"

Roxas' hand touched his. "Axel, _everyone_ knows we're a couple."

"Hmph. So what's he doing getting a crush on you?"

A shrug. "I had a crush on you even though you weren't single at the time…"

"Well _that_ doesn't help!"

Roxas laughed again. "Axel, he's not going to grow up and steal me away from you. He's just a kid full of hormones who thinks I'm hot."

"That's because you _are_ hot," Axel mumbled.

"Yeah, but I'm only hot for my teacher," Roxas teased. Axel made a face. Roxas squeezed his hand. "Aw, don't worry love. As soon as I can, I'll get grey hair and wrinkles." He winked. "You want me to buy some sweater vests? I could eat more sweets, try to get a little fat…"

"Oh, shut up," Axel grumbled. "Like that would change anything."

Roxas smiled softly. "If I got old and frumpy? It _would_ change things…for a kid with a crush. But that's not a problem for either of us."

"No," he said after a moment, finally smiling. "I guess it's not." They were both going to get old and frumpy, and they were going to do it together, and Axel couldn't wait.

And he bought Roxas a sweater vest for Christmas.

~o~

 **Last A/N** : Thank you all again! As I've said, I don't have the means to play KH3, so I'm not going to know what happens in it (unless I find a good playthrough on YT maybe). So this is the final KH story from me. If you only want to read KH, you can now safely unsubscribe; you won't miss anything.

I have some Dragon Age fanfics I'm going to be posting over here now, so PLEASE do feel free to unsub if you aren't interested, I really don't want to spam anyone's inboxes. I just want to get everything in one place. If you already looked me up on AO3 they won't be new stories. I posted them there before, but I don't like AO3 and I am seriously considering deleting that account so I should have everything posted here if I do decide to do that.

And remember The Conqueror will be free on Amazon for Valentine's Day, if you want it! And there will be more novels in the future, with lots of gay romance and seeeeex, of course. (NML was actually so tame, holy cow. This is not typical for me.) XD

So I'll still be around, but even if this is the last you read from me, thank you so much! It's been lovely writing for you! :D


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